Guest KuntaCunty Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 Scruffo, quoting Beatle's lyrics in matters of romance is camp as fuck, mate. Only a desperate cunt would do such a thing. You're not desperate, just unsure of yourself with the ladies. If you want to romance a woman, take some time to write your own sentiments down, and make them lyrical and poetic. It will mean a great deal more if it's original and from the heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 Just force feed her your penis until she agrees to go out with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 Just force feed her your penis until she agrees to go out with you. Courting rituals for today's young people aren't as simple as they were for us, Grumps. We were fortunate, we could follow a fit bird into the loo, take her knickers down, and slip her one up the chute in the name of romance, and the gesture was well appreciated. Now, they seem to expect more complex and thought out gestures of emotion from their suitors. Picky cunts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 Could not agree more KC. The amount of work one must put in just to get a fuck these days is ridiculous. We may be getting on a bit, but our tried and true methods of getting a root worked brilliantly until some smart cunt invented a thing called rape and affixed it with a prison sentence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 Now, there's Rohypnol. It can help take the stress out of it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 Scruffo, quoting Beatle's lyrics in matters of romance is camp as fuck, mate. Only a desperate cunt would do such a thing. You're not desperate, just unsure of yourself with the ladies. If you want to romance a woman, take some time to write your own sentiments down, and make them lyrical and poetic. It will mean a great deal more if it's original and from the heart. I'm in a crisis as regards getting a woman, I am not giving in just yet though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 Just force feed her your penis until she agrees to go out with you. Nothing I can do if she won't reply to messages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 I'm in a crisis as regards getting a woman, I am not giving in just yet though. Please, just give in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 Nothing I can do if she won't reply to messages. Have you considered stalking her? Follow her home, call her every hour and hang up when she answers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 Courting rituals for today's young people aren't as simple as they were for us, Grumps. We were fortunate, we could follow a fit bird into the loo, take her knickers down, and slip her one up the chute in the name of romance, and the gesture was well appreciated. Now, they seem to expect more complex and thought out gestures of emotion from their suitors. Picky cunts! Happy days eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 Happy days eh? It was a grand time to be a bloke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted August 27, 2014 Report Share Posted August 27, 2014 Please, just give in. I more or less have as regards that woman online, I had a cracking result in the football last night though, a 0-1 win in Burnley's backyard but a tough visit of Nottm Forest to come at Saturday lunchtime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted August 27, 2014 Report Share Posted August 27, 2014 Have you considered stalking her? Follow her home, call her every hour and hang up when she answers I haven't got her number, it's plain to see its a lost cause. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted August 27, 2014 Report Share Posted August 27, 2014 I haven't got her number, it's plain to see its a lost cause. I cannot and will not give up, nor will I allow you to dampen my hopes and spirit of getting you laid. Getting her number is as easy as taking laxative laced biscuits to the personnel officer and waiting for them to do their work. Then you just pull up her employment file and get what you need. If that personnel officer is particularly odious, be sure to leave a parting gift on her desk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted August 27, 2014 Report Share Posted August 27, 2014 I cannot and will not give up, nor will I allow you to dampen my hopes and spirit of getting you laid. Getting her number is as easy as taking laxative laced biscuits to the personnel officer and waiting for them to do their work. Then you just pull up her employment file and get what you need. If that personnel officer is particularly odious, be sure to leave a parting gift on her desk. I've made a right mess of everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted August 27, 2014 Report Share Posted August 27, 2014 She is happy to meet me for a drink, fucks knows what I am playing at. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted August 28, 2014 Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 Looks as if you did something right. When you meet her, concentrate on her every word, and remain positive. The pathway into her knickers starts with smiling and being attentive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 28, 2014 Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 When you meet up with her, put her in a headlock and drag her into the bushes for some "surprise" sex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted August 28, 2014 Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 Looks as if you did something right. When you meet her, concentrate on her every word, and remain positive. The pathway into her knickers starts with smiling and being attentive. It won't be happening now, I told her where to go. Kept writing bland and lifeless messages to me. Did the write thing, could have turned up to meet her and got the shit kicked out of me by a load of blokes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted August 28, 2014 Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 When you meet up with her, put her in a headlock and drag her into the bushes for some "surprise" sex. I was just clutching at straws, said she wouldn't be offended if I stopped writing, wouldn't give me her number and said she would let me decide when and where to meet as it wasn't her decision. I just told her if she thinks she would be better of with someone else just get on with it. Comparing her to the woman I really want is like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted August 28, 2014 Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 I was just clutching at straws, said she wouldn't be offended if I stopped writing, wouldn't give me her number and said she would let me decide when and where to meet as it wasn't her decision. I just told her if she thinks she would be better of with someone else just get on with it. Comparing her to the woman I really want is like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt. Now you're taking the piss. Nobody would pass on a sure thing like that. She all but told you to take charge of the situation. Which was also an unspoken way of saying she wanted you mangle her minge! Come on Scruffo, give her the fruit of your apples, then fuck off home for a good night sleep! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted August 28, 2014 Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 Now you're taking the piss. Nobody would pass on a sure thing like that. She all but told you to take charge of the situation. Which was also an unspoken way of saying she wanted you mangle her minge! Come on Scruffo, give her the fruit of your apples, then fuck off home for a good night sleep! I don't think we would have got on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted August 28, 2014 Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 I don't think we would have got on. You convinced yourself of that before ever even trying. She might be sitting at her station, counting the seconds of each day, waiting for a P45, detesting her cunt of a boss, and reminiscing about grander days gone by. Wondering why that nice bloke (you) couldn't take notice of her. Maybe she's aching for your apples to fill her pie, but we'll never know because you're going to fuck off and not even get your fingers wet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted August 28, 2014 Report Share Posted August 28, 2014 You convinced yourself of that before ever even trying. She might be sitting at her station, counting the seconds of each day, waiting for a P45, detesting her cunt of a boss, and reminiscing about grander days gone by. Wondering why that nice bloke (you) couldn't take notice of her. Maybe she's aching for your apples to fill her pie, but we'll never know because you're going to fuck off and not even get your fingers wet. It was plain to see she was just humouring me, wouldn't give me her number, countless messages went unanswered with the excuse being she hasn't got time to reply (got time to go for a drink though) She wouldn't commit herself to anything, I could have been stood up and would have had no way of contacting her as I wouldn't have had a number or could of got beaten up by a load of blokes. I wouldn't have had a clue what to talk about if she had turned up and I would have looked a right plonker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted August 31, 2014 Report Share Posted August 31, 2014 It was plain to see she was just humouring me, wouldn't give me her number, countless messages went unanswered with the excuse being she hasn't got time to reply (got time to go for a drink though) She wouldn't commit herself to anything, I could have been stood up and would have had no way of contacting her as I wouldn't have had a number or could of got beaten up by a load of blokes. I wouldn't have had a clue what to talk about if she had turned up and I would have looked a right plonker. You don't look any more of a plonker than you already do, with that storm cloud over your head. You didn't even consider chloroform on a handkerchief, did you? Or a ruphie in her coffee? I can't be bothered to compose a Rolf Harris and Rembrandt analogy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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