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Where is 'Apple ?


Guest JackoTC

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You don't look any more of a plonker than you already do, with that storm cloud over your head. You didn't even consider chloroform on a handkerchief, did you? Or a ruphie in her coffee? I can't be bothered to compose a Rolf Harris and Rembrandt analogy.

I did the right thing from the realistic point of view, I was out and about earlier trying to visualise how I'd be feeling if I was just about to meet her and I was a nervous wreck. I saved myself a lot of embarrassment and face by pulling out, shame but comparing her to the woman I really want is like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt.
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Guest KuntaCunty

I did the right thing from the realistic point of view, I was out and about earlier trying to visualise how I'd be feeling if I was just about to meet her and I was a nervous wreck. I saved myself a lot of embarrassment and face by pulling out, shame but comparing her to the woman I really want is like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt.

 

Would you pass along her name and mobile?  My wife's cousin is single, looking for a nice, professional lady.  Since you won't take a chance, give a bloke that wants to take a chance a go at her.

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Would you pass along her name and mobile?  My wife's cousin is single, looking for a nice, professional lady.  Since you won't take a chance, give a bloke that wants to take a chance a go at her.


She said she wasn't giving me her number although I didn't ask for in in the first place, a rather redundant thing to say. I managed to kiss that woman at work yesterday.
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Guest JackoTC

She said she wasn't giving me her number although I didn't ask for in in the first place, a rather redundant thing to say. I managed to kiss that woman at work yesterday.

What the fuck do you mean you managed to kiss her ? A goodbye kiss ? A peck on the cheek ? Or a full on tongue job whilst grabbing her arse with one hand and copping a feel of tit with the other ? Its like comparing Tony Hart to Damien Hirst you know.

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What the fuck do you mean you managed to kiss her ? A goodbye kiss ? A peck on the cheek ? Or a full on tongue job whilst grabbing her arse with one hand and copping a feel of tit with the other ? Its like comparing Tony Hart to Damien Hirst you know.


She was upset about something so I put my arms around her and kissed her, it was in front of three other members of staff as well, she was surprised I did it.
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Guest KuntaCunty

Some woman on that dating site, asked me when was the last time I had sex (for fucks sake)

 

Tricky question, that.  If you provide an answer, or in your case, a LIE, that indicates very recent sexual activity, she might arrive at the faulty conclusion that you are only interested in sex.  If you say a month or more, she'll wonder what your problem is that you aren't more into the social scene and more sexually active for an adult male.  If you tell her you're saving yourself for someone special or marriage, you'll be a pariah.  Proceed with caution, mate. 

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Guest JackoTC

Tricky question, that.  If you provide an answer, or in your case, a LIE, that indicates very recent sexual activity, she might arrive at the faulty conclusion that you are only interested in sex.  If you say a month or more, she'll wonder what your problem is that you aren't more into the social scene and more sexually active for an adult male.  If you tell her you're saving yourself for someone special or marriage, you'll be a pariah.  Proceed with caution, mate. 

Sage advice from Kunta there Apple. But I get the feeling that it is sex you want, more than a relationship. In that case, may I suggest, that you tell her you have a nine inch diamond cutter as you write to her, and boldly suggest that she hop on quickly before you beat someone to death, or do yourself a mischief with it.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest KuntaCunty

Well as long as he is back when the Cricket starts again, i can't debate that on my lonesome, just as long as he is happy and rumping.

Agreed.  The lad needs to be shagged and ridden into the stable with the spurs.

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Guest JackoTC

Well as long as he is back when the Cricket starts again, i can't debate that on my lonesome, just as long as he is happy and rumping.

I'll debate it with you Fends. I know fuck all about it, but that doesn't usually stop me.

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