Jump to content
CUNTS CORNER TWITTER ACCOUNT ID @CuntsCorner ×
Donations towards site upkeep will be thankfully received and faithfully applied....

Running out of bog roll


Guest

Recommended Posts

Don't you hate it when you hunker down to lay a cable that's just about to burst through your starfish, pull the trigger and bellow a sigh of relief as a turd of biblical proportions hurtles down the s-bend, only to realise that some inconsiderate cunt has used the last of the bog roll or all but one sheet. I fucking hate this!

It happened to me at a soiree one of Mrs Grumps toffee cunt of a friends put on not long ago and cost them a doily, a bathmat, and a toothbrush for me to get myself in order. I admit the toothbrush was just out of spite but the rest was necessary to tidy the tucker tube. That's what the cunts get for being thoughtless hosts.    

Link to comment
Share on other sites

While out on a piss up a few years back my mate suffered from this affliction, walking down a street to the venue he claimed touching cloth and had to run into a wine bar. After a refreshing dump he suddenly realised there was no Andrex, so then pulled his cacks up come out into the restaurant took a picture off the wall, went back into the shitter deframed it and wiped his arse on it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Alfie Noakes

Can't beat the old "Singapore sluice" technique with the patio setting on the old nilfisk jet wash. Can be a bit hard on the farmers but gets all the winnits and clegg nuts off really well!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The painting probably looked better once he had wiped his arse with it considering what passes for art these days.

Wouldn't know as he left it down the pan, but seeing as this was near Brighton they probably never had a problem finding someone to touch shit and pull it out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now here's an idea. The roll of paper on my desk-top calculator has a coloured stripe on it to warn me that the paper is running out. This is very useful as it would not otherwise occur to me that the reduced size of the roll means its nearing its end. So why don't bog rolls have that ? Is there a gap for a new CC product - the KrapEeze Toilet Roll with warning indictor made from the finest recycled paper ?.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now here's an idea. The roll of paper on my desk-top calculator has a coloured stripe on it to warn me that the paper is running out. This is very useful as it would not otherwise occur to me that the reduced size of the roll means its nearing its end. So why don't bog rolls have that ? Is there a gap for a new CC product - the KrapEeze Toilet Roll with warning indictor made from the finest recycled paper ?.

Wouldn't you be able to see that the bog roll is running low without this? Anyway; if you are in an emergency you can always use the calculator paper

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I only ever take a shit in the bathroom sink at a strangers gaff, after all, you don't know where their arse has been. You can usually find something to poke the resulting turd/turds down the plug-hole such as a kid's bathing toy or the likes... Failing that, then simply rip out the lining of your trousers pocket, wrap the aforementioned turd/turds with it and then take it back downstairs with you for their fucking kid's to play with. It makes for a good talking point, rather than listening to the fuckers prattling on about their intended caravan holiday down at Bognor.   It's then just a case of filling the sink to your own liking, adding a dash or two of Toilet Duck, whilst scrubbing away briskly through your crack with their loofha. Job done, and more to the point you have saved yourself from bathing at home for a good month or so. NOTE: If they aint got any kid's, then simply place the turd/turds into their freezer. One of the cunts is bound to grill the fuckers at some point, when pissed, and in wanting of Shish Kebab.  It was done to me once and I aint touched lamb since.

if it was Bronski's house probably safer to shit on the front doorstep and bring your own cup.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't you hate it when you hunker down to lay a cable that's just about to burst through your starfish, pull the trigger and bellow a sigh of relief as a turd of biblical proportions hurtles down the s-bend, only to realise that some inconsiderate cunt has used the last of the bog roll or all but one sheet. I fucking hate this!

It happened to me at a soiree one of Mrs Grumps toffee cunt of a friends put on not long ago and cost them a doily, a bathmat, and a toothbrush for me to get myself in order. I admit the toothbrush was just out of spite but the rest was necessary to tidy the tucker tube. That's what the cunts get for being thoughtless hosts.    

Candlelit suppers at The Rev's aint what they used to be.....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I ran out of bog roll once on the first visit to my girlfriend's house when I was sixteen. So I took the spare off the shelf with a view to putting it on the holder and promptly dropped it down the loo. So here it is now swimming in piss and in a 16yr old's blind panic, I retrieved it and tried to tear it up into flushable bits. If memory serves right, I flushed three times - maybe four? Her parents downstairs must have thought what the fucking hell cunt has she brought home with her this time? Thomas Crapper was a cunt.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest KuntaCunty

When my missus and I were first courting, I had my first experience with the dreaded bog roll run out.  To make matters worse, I had such a colossal cable nestled in the bowl that there was no chance it was going to take the S-trip without backing up.  I grabbed the nearest washing cloth in hands reach, and got myself sorted, then gave the lever a firm press, only to watch the waters rise like the Thames on rainy days.  Most people would have been horrified, but I kept my composure, and when I rejoined the group for after dinner refreshments, I told my future bride that she could have at least told me she plugged the loo before me.  Her father was quite cross with her.  He was a right gent about it though, rolled up his sleeves, grabbed the plunger, and went to work.  The cheeky bastard came back down, and exclaimed he couldn't believe how such a small turd could do his toilet over so easily.  He was proud of his movements, and it was at that moment, I knew I was a part of the family. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...