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Daddy Fucking Long Legs


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Pointless and fucking irritating bi-annual cunts. "Sorry son, if you want ventelation, you're going to have to put up with us!" So fucking stupid, not only do they piss off creatures thousands of times their size they do other life preserving moves like flying at and straight into a fucking gas burner.

I seriously wish we could rid world of these spindly cunts, completely devoid of any kind of kind of intelligence or basic survival instinct.

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Pointless and fucking irritating bi-annual cunts. "Sorry son, if you want ventelation, you're going to have to put up with us!" So fucking stupid, not only do they piss off creatures thousands of times their size they do other life preserving moves like flying at and straight into a fucking gas burner.

I seriously wish we could rid world of these spindly cunts, completely devoid of any kind of kind of intelligence or basic survival instinct.


Kill yourself.
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Every year we get to mid September and i always say "ooh been lucky ain't seen one of em daddy long legs thingys". Soon as i say it one of the little cunts gets into my bedroom when I'm reading before bedy byes. Then I'm having to chase the fucker round the bedroom ceiling with a rolled up copy of "Pikey monthly'.

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Guest KuntaCunty

When I see one of these bloody things, I get the cricket bat out, and swing away.  On average, it takes me only a couple of good swings, and the worthless little cunt is done.  If I am in the mood for a laugh, I tell the missus my shoulder is aching, and that she will have to do the little bastard in.  She'll miss the fucker a hundred times, but put holes in the wall, and break lamps like a pro. 

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Guest KuntaCunty

I'd rather converse with a Daddy Long Legs than BronyKeith.

 

I wouldn't consider what Bronski posts as "conversing."  Monosyllabic gibberish doesn't count as carrying a conversation. 

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Don't these things have a venom that can seriously harm you but they don't have the fangs to inject it?


Correct. They also fire blanks from their oversized nuts dangling between legs 5 and 6.
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Guest TheCatWoman

When I was a little girl and terrified of all things insecty, we used to get loads of these fuckers in the house and I used to squash them up against the wall.  There were literally dozens of smeared daddy long legs around my bedroom wall.  I got bitten by a fucking horse fly the other day.  Didn't half hurt.

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Guest Alfie Noakes

Don't these things have a venom that can seriously harm you but they don't have the fangs to inject it?

Urban myth, first of all, there are actually three kinds of critters called daddy longlegs. The common name daddy longlegs is most often used to describe Opiliones, aka harvestmen. Opiliones are arachnids, but not spiders. They have no venom glands at all, and are absolutely not venomous. The nickname daddy longlegs may also refer to a crane fly, which is a true fly and a member of the order Diptera. Crane flies do not pose a threat, either.
Sometimes, the name daddy longlegs is used for another group of arachnids, the spiders of the family Pholcidae. These spiders are also called cellar spiders.

Cellar spiders do have venom glands. However, there is no scientific evidence whatsoever to confirm that their venom can harm a human being. No studies have been done on cellar spider venom to measure its toxicity to people, according to spider experts at the University of California-Riverside.

Pholcid spiders do have short fangs, but not any shorter than other spiders that have been known to bite humans. The cellar spider's fangs are similar in structure to those of a brown recluse spider, which we know can and does bite humans. Again, there is no evidence or proof to the claim that their fangs are too short to bite a person.

In fact, the show Mythbusters tackled this daddy longlegs legend back in 2004. Host Adam Savage subjected himself to a cellar spider bite, proving that the daddy longlegs spider is indeed capable of breaking human skin. The results? Savage reported nothing more than a very mild, short-lived burning sensation. Analysis of the daddy longlegs' venom revealed it's nowhere near as potent as venom from a black widow spider.

So, you really don't need to worry about daddy longlegs, of any variety.
They are still utter cunts though!
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Guest KuntaCunty

When I was a little girl and terrified of all things insecty, we used to get loads of these fuckers in the house and I used to squash them up against the wall.  There were literally dozens of smeared daddy long legs around my bedroom wall.  I got bitten by a fucking horse fly the other day.  Didn't half hurt.

 

Bug gut splatter is a serious cunt.  Scrubbing the walls before painting to get the shite off only means you have to wait for the plaster to dry.  If you don't clean the cunts remains off your walls before they dry, you'll need an electrical sander to get it off.  Just look at how much effort it takes to clean a wind screen after a long drive. 

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When I was a little girl and terrified of all things insecty, we used to get loads of these fuckers in the house and I used to squash them up against the wall.  There were literally dozens of smeared daddy long legs around my bedroom wall.  I got bitten by a fucking horse fly the other day.  Didn't half hurt.

When I was little I was scared of the coal man who lived down the road at number 53.

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Guest nobgobbler

They were called Jenny Long Legs where I grew up - presumably because it was assumed that anything so whiny and annoying had to be female. Ah, Scotland, good to have you in the Union.

A bit unfair on the fairer sex there Bawsy - you're forgetting the whining crybaby cunt Oscar Pistorius. Come to think of it, he'd be known as Ozzy Short Legs.

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Urban myth, first of all, there are actually three kinds of critters called daddy longlegs. The common name daddy longlegs is most often used to describe Opiliones, aka harvestmen. Opiliones are arachnids, but not spiders. They have no venom glands at all, and are absolutely not venomous. The nickname daddy longlegs may also refer to a crane fly, which is a true fly and a member of the order Diptera. Crane flies do not pose a threat, either.
Sometimes, the name daddy longlegs is used for another group of arachnids, the spiders of the family Pholcidae. These spiders are also called cellar spiders.

Cellar spiders do have venom glands. However, there is no scientific evidence whatsoever to confirm that their venom can harm a human being. No studies have been done on cellar spider venom to measure its toxicity to people, according to spider experts at the University of California-Riverside.

Pholcid spiders do have short fangs, but not any shorter than other spiders that have been known to bite humans. The cellar spider's fangs are similar in structure to those of a brown recluse spider, which we know can and does bite humans. Again, there is no evidence or proof to the claim that their fangs are too short to bite a person.

In fact, the show Mythbusters tackled this daddy longlegs legend back in 2004. Host Adam Savage subjected himself to a cellar spider bite, proving that the daddy longlegs spider is indeed capable of breaking human skin. The results? Savage reported nothing more than a very mild, short-lived burning sensation. Analysis of the daddy longlegs' venom revealed it's nowhere near as potent as venom from a black widow spider.

So, you really don't need to worry about daddy longlegs, of any variety.
They are still utter cunts though!

You're not David Attenborough are you?

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Pointless and fucking irritating bi-annual cunts. "Sorry son, if you want ventelation, you're going to have to put up with us!" So fucking stupid, not only do they piss off creatures thousands of times their size they do other life preserving moves like flying at and straight into a fucking gas burner.

I seriously wish we could rid world of these spindly cunts, completely devoid of any kind of kind of intelligence or basic survival instinct.

One turned up last night in me b-room, I wasn't happy for it to join me, so I got me navy lamb's wool cardigan (Hobbs 2012 Autumn collection) & swung it round at the blighter  - I then had a restful nights sleep knowing the cunt had snuffed it, & it wouldn't be tickling me nostrils at 3.00 am - as they do.

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When I was little I was scared of the coal man who lived down the road at number 53.

When I was little I was scared of my brothers because they used to beat the shit out of me for a laugh. Then my granddad taught me how to box and I used to get beaten up even worse because I pissed them off even more by hurting them.

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Guest KuntaCunty

Mrs Grumps used to have a few of these cunts poking out the sides of her undies. I chased her with fly spray until she kicked me in the balls.

 

How was she able to swing a leg at moving clock weights?

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