Pre-procedure intestinal cleansing laxative picolax

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

So the medics decided that I should go to have a camera on a plastic snake shoved up the old barking spider to see if there was anything to worry about. There was a lot of blood but it was known that farmer Giles had his vineyard near chalfont up there and that was the most likely source, however better safe than sorry they said.

For 24 hours before you have to have a full intestinal purge. That involves an oral chemical enema, the particular torture they chose for me was called picolax. It comes in powder form and you add it to water and drink the fluid which was like drinking cold sick. Within twenty minutes you have to be over the porcelain, if you are not you will be party to an embarrassing situation involving new trousers, underwear, industrial cleaners and possible law suits against you.

It is the most horrific experience, you can only drink water and you explode with the whole world trying to escape from you. The spasms return every forty minutes and you are on the shitter for at least twenty. You end up not leaving the bathroom, your arse cheeks have a permanent bruise of the seat shape on them. You have to drink water, lots of water and this passes through in a few minutes. The whole experience leaves you a shell of a person and feeling very weak just before a fucking arse wrecking by the inquisitor general in his torture chamber.

They tell you that it will be slightly uncomfortable, but I will not have sedation for something like that. It was horrific, the camera had to go in with air inflating the bowel. It fucking hurt and low and behold nothing other than the aforementioned Nobby's was found. The specialist said as the internal Emma's appeared on the screen "oh there's the source of the blood" he said this knowingly.

Now, a couple of things here.

1. I was there with a stomach problem, suspected giardia. Not bowel issues. It is a training hospital and I think I was possibly put up for this unnecessary procedure as a training exercise. There is no real waiting list at this particular hospital, before anyone says they don't have time for that or that there are plenty of people they could have worked on I trust no one there.

2. When I checked in they asked me had I been prepared for my enema, as I was only having the lesser procedure that doesn't go so far within. I said no as I had taken picolax. The nurse started to stifle the giggles and went red. "I am so sorry you should have had a phone call to tell you not to take the picolax as a full purge is not necessary for the sigmoidoscopy".

A monumental fuck up from start to finish. It took the doctors 33 years to diagnose the cause of the problems. Even though I had been explicit about the fact that I caught it when I was in North Africa where giardia is rampant in most of the water supply.

Bunch of cunts!

[Guest Snatch]

Fuck all that,sounds like agony.

Mind you,there are freaks out there that would pay good money to have that done to them.

[Guest]

Sounds like just the remedy needed for Keith.

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

Oh shit why didn't I think of that? Too stoned perhaps, well it Sunday.

[Guest ducunti]

Apparently Bronski's mum would of given you the full rectal enema, only problem being Bronski would want to watch.

[Guest TheCatWoman]

Is that Giardia the good AIDS or the bad AIDS?  I had this camera up my virgin arse once and screamed so fucking loud they had to stop the procedure.  No fucking way EVER again.

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

Is that Giardia the good AIDS or the bad AIDS?

Its an intestinal protazoan parasite.

[Guest]

I had an enema once and it flushed out Mrs Grumps missing false finger nail much to embarrassment.

Nothing like a good pong knuckle when your on the vinegar stroke.