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scotty

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Guest Quincy Cockfingers
Just now, Decimus said:

The worst type. An angry prod trying to be more jock than liver disease. The Orange Order marching cunt makes me sick.

Fill my tractor up with half price green diesel, you euro/Stirling constantly preferring cunt.

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Guest 'eavensabove
2 hours ago, Bubba C said:

I’ve got a dick (mine, for avoidance of faggoty doubt) that needs sucking. You in? 

If he was in need of a toothpick, he'd use one of his own. 

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Guest Wizardsleeve
26 minutes ago, scotty said:

Just been watching the news, and apparently police are holding three men over a fire in West London. 

Bit harsh, I wonder what they've done.

Its a rather common police tactic to turn up the heat on criminals to get a confession, Scotto.

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1 hour ago, judgetwi said:

I went to the Islamic Wedding Show at Olympia last week.

There wasn’t much to see..... just a load of bin bags and pairs of handcuffs. 

Mainly 9 year old brides with walking difficulties caused by FGM 

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Guest 'eavensabove

Bro' Darkie, goes to speak with his Dr.

"Me 'elmit has dropped-off me dick, in it"  He tells his doc., whilst adding, "me got it in me pocket fer ya to stitch it back on."

Bro' D, pulls a handkerchief from his pocket, and unfolds it to show his Dr.

"THAT's no helmet" says his Dr, "THAT's a Walnut-Whip!"

"Nahhh, me et dat in de waitin' room" he replies

 

 

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Guest Wizardsleeve

I was standing in queue at the bank when a sweet soft spoken old lady asked if I would assist her in checking her balance.  I pushed her and she fell over, so I told her it wasn't very good.  

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Guest 'eavensabove
23 hours ago, scotty said:

I organise a special quiz night at the local hospice.

It's like a regular quiz, but the teams have a subs bench. 

You'll be in need of some questions then, for future quizzes... 

Q.   Old timer,  answer the following as best able to with a pen:  You've had your life. You're on the verge of complete darkness. How do you want me to snuff you out?

a)   Cyanide capsule        b)    Nil by mouth        c)   Get it over with quickly and club me death        d)   Show me Franks avatar.

       

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Guest 'eavensabove
18 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said:

I was standing in queue at the bank when a sweet soft spoken old lady asked if I would assist her in checking her balance.  I pushed her and she fell over, so I told her it wasn't very good.  

I was with an oldy. She was gasping her last breaths.

"I've only got 3 last minutes of life left in me, promise me you'll do me one final thing I beseech you" she gasped.

I boiled the old bitch an egg. 

 

 

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41 minutes ago, 'eavensabove said:

You'll be in need of some questions then, for future quizzes... 

Q.   Old timer,  answer the following as best able to with a pen:  You've had your life. You're on the verge of complete darkness. How do you want me to snuff you out?

a)   Cyanide capsule        b)    Nil by mouth        c)   Get it over with quickly and club me death        d)   Show me Franks avatar.

       

There's only 24 hours in a day and an endless queue of geriatrics requiring my services 'eavens, efficiency is my watchword. I don't squander valuable injecting time on petty consent forms. 

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Guest 'eavensabove
9 hours ago, scotty said:

There's only 24 hours in a day and an endless queue of geriatrics requiring my services 'eavens, efficiency is my watchword. I don't squander valuable injecting time on petty consent forms. 

You've got be kind-of nice to 'em Scotto, at least whilst they sign along the dotted line upon their Last Will & Testament. 

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