Jump to content
CUNTS CORNER TWITTER ACCOUNT ID @CuntsCorner ×
Donations towards site upkeep will be thankfully received and faithfully applied....

Not Having A Shit Before Going For A Run


Ape™️

Recommended Posts

So, off out for a mid week run I go, and after a good start, the feeling begins. A tightness in the stomach and a pressure in the arse, pulsing on every foot fall. The continual pounding action gradually pile driving a large quantity of turd towards the exit, compacting it to almost black hole density. 4 miles from home now and this turd wants out. I stop running, hoping that walking will reduce the back pressure, but no, it's reached critical mass and must come out. I'm in a residential area and there is no place to find cover, and now the turtles head is peeking out, and I'm really getting close to shitting myself. It's dark thankfully, so when a large fir tree appears in view, albeit in some poor cunts front garden, I dart in behind it and release about 4 pounds of steaming turd in literally seconds. I have to use grass to wipe my arse, which was far from ideal. I felt bad for the poor cunt whose garden I shat in, but I had no choice. I walked home.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, Ape said:

So, off out for a mid week run I go, and after a good start, the feeling begins. A tightness in the stomach and a pressure in the arse, pulsing on every foot fall. The continual pounding action gradually pile driving a large quantity of turd towards the exit, compacting it to almost black hole density. 4 miles from home now and this turd wants out. I stop running, hoping that walking will reduce the back pressure, but no, it's reached critical mass and must come out. I'm in a residential area and there is no place to find cover, and now the turtles head is peeking out, and I'm really getting close to shitting myself. It's dark thankfully, so when a large fir tree appears in view, albeit in some poor cunts front garden, I dart in behind it and release about 4 pounds of steaming turd in literally seconds. I have to use grass to wipe my arse, which was far from ideal. I felt bad for the poor cunt whose garden I shat in, but I had no choice. I walked home.

I feel your pain, I've had to take many a 'wild one' mid run, I even started carrying some bog roll just in case. I ALWAYS make sure I empty the bomb bay now, but luckily living in the middle of fucking nowhere, there's always a hedge to jump over. This also adds a healthy dose of fertiliser to the farmers field, so if you find a brown cornflake, that'll be me.

It's when the farts start popping out on ever footfall you got to worry

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 01/03/2017 at 21:46, Ape said:

So, off out for a mid week run I go, and after a good start, the feeling begins. A tightness in the stomach and a pressure in the arse, pulsing on every foot fall. The continual pounding action gradually pile driving a large quantity of turd towards the exit, compacting it to almost black hole density. 4 miles from home now and this turd wants out. I stop running, hoping that walking will reduce the back pressure, but no, it's reached critical mass and must come out. I'm in a residential area and there is no place to find cover, and now the turtles head is peeking out, and I'm really getting close to shitting myself. It's dark thankfully, so when a large fir tree appears in view, albeit in some poor cunts front garden, I dart in behind it and release about 4 pounds of steaming turd in literally seconds. I have to use grass to wipe my arse, which was far from ideal. I felt bad for the poor cunt whose garden I shat in, but I had no choice. I walked home.

Disgusting, I'd have called the police. Sounds like a job for Special Branch.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, Manky said:

Running?

Sounds a bit gay.

Beats ridding a my little pony bike with stabilisers. 

I would spit on you as a cruised past on my sleek and sexy carbon machine. I would, however, never visit your scally invested moss side shit hole for fear of being stabbed because I'm a human being and not a mutant northern Apealoid like yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

42 minutes ago, Ape said:

So, off out for a mid week run I go, and after a good start, the feeling begins. A tightness in the stomach and a pressure in the arse, pulsing on every foot fall. The continual pounding action gradually pile driving a large quantity of turd towards the exit, compacting it to almost black hole density. 4 miles from home now and this turd wants out. I stop running, hoping that walking will reduce the back pressure, but no, it's reached critical mass and must come out. I'm in a residential area and there is no place to find cover, and now the turtles head is peeking out, and I'm really getting close to shitting myself. It's dark thankfully, so when a large fir tree appears in view, albeit in some poor cunts front garden, I dart in behind it and release about 4 pounds of steaming turd in literally seconds. I have to use grass to wipe my arse, which was far from ideal. I felt bad for the poor cunt whose garden I shat in, but I had no choice. I walked home.

You are Paula Radcliffe and I claim my five pounds.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest DingTheRioja
1 hour ago, Ape said:

So, off out for a mid week run I go, and after a good start, the feeling begins. A tightness in the stomach and a pressure in the arse, pulsing on every foot fall. The continual pounding action gradually pile driving a large quantity of turd towards the exit, compacting it to almost black hole density. 4 miles from home now and this turd wants out. I stop running, hoping that walking will reduce the back pressure, but no, it's reached critical mass and must come out. I'm in a residential area and there is no place to find cover, and now the turtles head is peeking out, and I'm really getting close to shitting myself. It's dark thankfully, so when a large fir tree appears in view, albeit in some poor cunts front garden, I dart in behind it and release about 4 pounds of steaming turd in literally seconds. I have to use grass to wipe my arse, which was far from ideal. I felt bad for the poor cunt whose garden I shat in, but I had no choice. I walked home.

Moss is apparently better than bog roll...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Ape said:

So, off out for a mid week run I go, and after a good start, the feeling begins. A tightness in the stomach and a pressure in the arse, pulsing on every foot fall. The continual pounding action gradually pile driving a large quantity of turd towards the exit, compacting it to almost black hole density. 4 miles from home now and this turd wants out. I stop running, hoping that walking will reduce the back pressure, but no, it's reached critical mass and must come out. I'm in a residential area and there is no place to find cover, and now the turtles head is peeking out, and I'm really getting close to shitting myself. It's dark thankfully, so when a large fir tree appears in view, albeit in some poor cunts front garden, I dart in behind it and release about 4 pounds of steaming turd in literally seconds. I have to use grass to wipe my arse, which was far from ideal. I felt bad for the poor cunt whose garden I shat in, but I had no choice. I walked home.

Did you jump over the fence to access the garden? This would make you a 'Turdler'.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Wizardsleeve
7 hours ago, Gong Farmer said:

When out for a run, when you've got to go, you've got to go. Shitting in public is a runners prerogative. 

Just as letting the dogs out at just the right moment is the homeowner's.  Nothing quite like the look on some trespassing cunts face when the see four large pit bulls closing the distance on them.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Jiggerycock said:

Never use a slice of Warburtons Country Style bloomer though.

I did once and snagged my hoop on a pumpkin seed. Smarted like all get out, I can tell you

Supermarket own brand bog roll is a no-go too, unless you fancy a rather vigorous impromptu prostate check.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest DingTheRioja
27 minutes ago, nocti said:

Supermarket own brand bog roll is a no-go too, unless you fancy a rather vigorous impromptu prostate check.

I think a few sheets of 80 grit is probably more comfortable

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Snatch
30 minutes ago, nocti said:

Supermarket own brand bog roll is a no-go too, unless you fancy a rather vigorous impromptu prostate check.

Could explain Punkers fascination with Tesco.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Piston
13 hours ago, Ape said:

So, off out for a mid week run I go, and after a good start, the feeling begins. A tightness in the stomach and a pressure in the arse, pulsing on every foot fall. The continual pounding action gradually pile driving a large quantity of turd towards the exit, compacting it to almost black hole density. 4 miles from home now and this turd wants out. I stop running, hoping that walking will reduce the back pressure, but no, it's reached critical mass and must come out. I'm in a residential area and there is no place to find cover, and now the turtles head is peeking out, and I'm really getting close to shitting myself. It's dark thankfully, so when a large fir tree appears in view, albeit in some poor cunts front garden, I dart in behind it and release about 4 pounds of steaming turd in literally seconds. I have to use grass to wipe my arse, which was far from ideal. I felt bad for the poor cunt whose garden I shat in, but I had no choice. I walked home.

Not as bad as I fucking felt when my Flymo found it! Talk about the shit hitting the fan...

Have asked admin for your address. The slurry sprayer is organised and waiting.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest I know that Cunt
22 hours ago, Ape said:

So, off out for a mid week run I go, and after a good start, the feeling begins. A tightness in the stomach and a pressure in the arse, pulsing on every foot fall. The continual pounding action gradually pile driving a large quantity of turd towards the exit, compacting it to almost black hole density. 4 miles from home now and this turd wants out. I stop running, hoping that walking will reduce the back pressure, but no, it's reached critical mass and must come out. I'm in a residential area and there is no place to find cover, and now the turtles head is peeking out, and I'm really getting close to shitting myself. It's dark thankfully, so when a large fir tree appears in view, albeit in some poor cunts front garden, I dart in behind it and release about 4 pounds of steaming turd in literally seconds. I have to use grass to wipe my arse, which was far from ideal. I felt bad for the poor cunt whose garden I shat in, but I had no choice. I walked home.

That was the best part of you gone then you fucking bag of shite.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Welsh_cunt
On 01/03/2017 at 9:46 PM, Ape said:

So, off out for a mid week run I go, and after a good start, the feeling begins. A tightness in the stomach and a pressure in the arse, pulsing on every foot fall. The continual pounding action gradually pile driving a large quantity of turd towards the exit, compacting it to almost black hole density. 4 miles from home now and this turd wants out. I stop running, hoping that walking will reduce the back pressure, but no, it's reached critical mass and must come out. I'm in a residential area and there is no place to find cover, and now the turtles head is peeking out, and I'm really getting close to shitting myself. It's dark thankfully, so when a large fir tree appears in view, albeit in some poor cunts front garden, I dart in behind it and release about 4 pounds of steaming turd in literally seconds. I have to use grass to wipe my arse, which was far from ideal. I felt bad for the poor cunt whose garden I shat in, but I had no choice. I walked home.

You have to use your socks in a situation like this. I don't think they'd do a DNA test on your socks to track you down.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Who's Online   0 Members, 0 Anonymous, 0 Guests (See full list)

    • There are no registered users currently online
×
×
  • Create New...