Wolfie Posted March 7, 2017 Report Share Posted March 7, 2017 6 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Just count the centimetres and claim them as inches, publicity gold. *searches ebay for extra-large ruler* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted March 7, 2017 Report Share Posted March 7, 2017 1 minute ago, Wolfie said: *searches ebay for extra-large ruler* *searches encyclopaedia for bullshitometer* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted March 7, 2017 Report Share Posted March 7, 2017 Just now, Eric Cuntman said: *searches encyclopaedia for bullshitometer* *finds evidence filed under 'w'* 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted March 8, 2017 Report Share Posted March 8, 2017 On 01/03/2017 at 9:46 PM, Ape said: So, off out for a mid week run I go, and after a good start, the feeling begins. A tightness in the stomach and a pressure in the arse, pulsing on every foot fall. The continual pounding action gradually pile driving a large quantity of turd towards the exit, compacting it to almost black hole density. 4 miles from home now and this turd wants out. I stop running, hoping that walking will reduce the back pressure, but no, it's reached critical mass and must come out. I'm in a residential area and there is no place to find cover, and now the turtles head is peeking out, and I'm really getting close to shitting myself. It's dark thankfully, so when a large fir tree appears in view, albeit in some poor cunts front garden, I dart in behind it and release about 4 pounds of steaming turd in literally seconds. I have to use grass to wipe my arse, which was far from ideal. I felt bad for the poor cunt whose garden I shat in, but I had no choice. I walked home. https://www.rt.com/uk/379758-dulwich-london-phantom-poo/ I reckon the Bottom Inspectors will be round your gaff quite soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted March 8, 2017 Report Share Posted March 8, 2017 1 minute ago, Cap'n Cunt said: https://www.rt.com/uk/379758-dulwich-london-phantom-poo/ I reckon the Bottom Inspectors will be round your gaff quite soon. Dulwich needs shitting on Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 9, 2017 Report Share Posted March 9, 2017 22 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: Dulwich needs shitting on I thought someone had already done it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 15, 2018 Report Share Posted October 15, 2018 On 3/1/2017 at 10:46 PM, Iam Ape said: So, off out for a mid week run I go, and after a good start, the feeling begins. A tightness in the stomach and a pressure in the arse, pulsing on every foot fall. The continual pounding action gradually pile driving a large quantity of turd towards the exit, compacting it to almost black hole density. 4 miles from home now and this turd wants out. I stop running, hoping that walking will reduce the back pressure, but no, it's reached critical mass and must come out. I'm in a residential area and there is no place to find cover, and now the turtles head is peeking out, and I'm really getting close to shitting myself. It's dark thankfully, so when a large fir tree appears in view, albeit in some poor cunts front garden, I dart in behind it and release about 4 pounds of steaming turd in literally seconds. I have to use grass to wipe my arse, which was far from ideal. I felt bad for the poor cunt whose garden I shat in, but I had no choice. I walked home. It has taken me some time to get to the real reason why I fucking hate you. This is it, you filthy ignorant cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted October 15, 2018 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2018 17 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said: It has taken me some time to get to the real reason why I fucking hate you. This is it, you filthy ignorant cunt. That’s interesting, as my hatred of you needed no time whatsoever. Fuck off, you malignant piece of faux-French shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted October 15, 2018 Report Share Posted October 15, 2018 59 minutes ago, Iam Ape said: That’s interesting, as my hatred of you needed no time whatsoever. Fuck off, you malignant piece of faux-French shit. I knew instantly you were a pleb after a couple of posts. Sadly you’ve had a very poor education.Do you have a mild form of spasticity? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted October 15, 2018 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2018 21 minutes ago, Lord Punkape said: I knew instantly you were a pleb after a couple of posts. Sadly you’ve had a very poor education.Do you have a mild form of spasticity? You don’t really understand what ‘instantly’ means, do you? Got and put your pointy hat back on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted October 15, 2018 Report Share Posted October 15, 2018 On 3/1/2017 at 9:46 PM, Iam Ape said: So, off out for a mid week run I go, and after a good start, the feeling begins. A tightness in the stomach and a pressure in the arse, pulsing on every foot fall. The continual pounding action gradually pile driving a large quantity of turd towards the exit, compacting it to almost black hole density. 4 miles from home now and this turd wants out. I stop running, hoping that walking will reduce the back pressure, but no, it's reached critical mass and must come out. I'm in a residential area and there is no place to find cover, and now the turtles head is peeking out, and I'm really getting close to shitting myself. It's dark thankfully, so when a large fir tree appears in view, albeit in some poor cunts front garden, I dart in behind it and release about 4 pounds of steaming turd in literally seconds. I have to use grass to wipe my arse, which was far from ideal. I felt bad for the poor cunt whose garden I shat in, but I had no choice. I walked home. Have you considered moving closer to a more familiar environment where some fucking animals roam and shit freely, like for example Croydon or Rhyl? After doing the business you could wipe your piles’ hole with some second-hand crack foil or a discarded condom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted October 15, 2018 Report Share Posted October 15, 2018 48 minutes ago, Iam Ape said: You don’t really understand what ‘instantly’ means, do you? Got and put your pointy hat back on. He prefers to stick his pointy hat up his back passage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted October 15, 2018 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2018 39 minutes ago, White Cunt said: Have you considered moving closer to a more familiar environment where some fucking animals roam and shit freely, like for example Croydon or Rhyl? After doing the business you could wipe your piles’ hole with some second-hand crack foil or a discarded condom. Wow - you’re spectacularly shite aren’t you? Absolutely dreadful. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted October 15, 2018 Report Share Posted October 15, 2018 6 minutes ago, Iam Ape said: Wow - you’re spectacularly shite aren’t you? Absolutely dreadful. I will bequeath the honour of being the shite master to your woodland self. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 On 01/03/2017 at 23:23, Eric Cuntman said: Did you jump over the fence to access the garden? This would make you a 'Turdler'. @Witheredscrote. You were right. It was my embellishment. I'm just so proud of 'turdler'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said: @Witheredscrote. You were right. It was my embellishment. I'm just so proud of 'turdler'. Thank you. I'm glad you haven't got Roopisia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 1 minute ago, Witheredscrote said: Thank you. I'm glad you haven't got Roopisia @Eddie has, in the form of warts all over his arsehole and genitalia That'll learn him for not double bagging Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 2 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said: @Eddie has, in the form of warts all over his arsehole and genitalia That'll learn him for not double bagging Are you talking about Fatty? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 11 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: @Witheredscrote. You were right. It was my embellishment. I'm just so proud of 'turdler'. What about the long dumper, the triple dumper, the shit putter. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 6 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said: Are you talking about Fatty? Whatever godawful pox big edd has got from roops toxic minge you can be sure Fatty has already got a super charged dose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 2 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said: Whatever godawful pox big edd has got from roops toxic minge you can be sure Fatty has already got a super charged dose Rumour is that Eds so bad with it, that Covid 19 is giving him a miss. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 1 hour ago, Stubby Pecker said: Whatever godawful pox big edd has got from roops toxic minge you can be sure Fatty has already got a super charged dose Poor Fatty's arse has recently seen less action than Stevie Wonder's Maglite. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted June 27, 2020 Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 13 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Poor Fatty's arse has recently seen less action than Stevie Wonder's Maglite. That's very Superstitious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted June 28, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2020 10 hours ago, JohnnySaucePants said: I"ve never read or heard such a complete load of utter shite, as i heard on good authority that you cant even lever your fat self out of a chair without soiling your strides. The truth more like is that you simply shat yourself again, the result of having no control whatsoever over your tattered and aids infested ring piece. You filthy ring piece ferreting low life. Your kidding no one, cunt. I can just imagine you as you wrote this - giggling uncontrollably as you typed each (in your opinion) hilarious word, desperately fighting the urge to laugh out loud and risk waking mummy and daddy in the bedroom next door. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted June 28, 2020 Report Share Posted June 28, 2020 21 hours ago, JohnnySaucePants said: I"ve never read or heard such a complete load of utter shite, as i heard on good authority that you cant even lever your fat self out of a chair without soiling your strides. The truth more like is that you simply shat yourself again, the result of having no control whatsoever over your tattered and aids infested ring piece. You filthy ring piece ferreting low life. Your kidding no one, cunt. You're a bit of a grammatically inept little fartface who appears to have problems distinguishing between a possession and contraction, rules of English that are generally sussed by age 12-13. Your parents really are in the room next door, aren't they? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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