Jiggerycock Posted November 2, 2017 Report Share Posted November 2, 2017 We at 'Very Big PLC' used to make stuff. We were good at it, we had our shit streamlined, our supply chain humming, our prices spot on and the world used to beat a path to our door. Then one day, our chairman was playing golf (yeah, you've got to watch those Rupert Bear trouser wearing motherfuckers like a ruddy hawk) with some latter-day snake oil salesman who went: " You know what? You're really great at selling whatever it is you sell. But, eh....get this....we can take on your 'non core business functions' and leave you to focus on making and selling whatever it is you sell! How about that then!! No way is that a load of 'Emperors New Clothes' fucking wank! It's the future baby. Touch me! Go on! Touch me you crack whore!" Five years later the supply chain - who could deliver a box of paperclips to Joyce in despatch in Tarporley within 5 minutes of receiving the order - now has to take a job reference number from a headset-wearing 16 year old in a call centre in an industrial estate in some development-grant funded hellhole, who will then pass the order through multiple layers of plausible deniability, before the wrong size hole punch is delivered to Sudharta in Sales in Bangalore. But at least the Key Performance Metrics will have been met - so that's okay then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted November 2, 2017 Report Share Posted November 2, 2017 14 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: We at 'Very Big PLC' used to make stuff. We were good at it, we had our shit streamlined, our supply chain humming, our prices spot on and the world used to beat a path to our door. Then one day, our chairman was playing golf (yeah, you've got to watch those Rupert Bear trouser wearing motherfuckers like a ruddy hawk) with some latter-day snake oil salesman who went: " You know what? You're really great at selling whatever it is you sell. But, eh....get this....we can take on your 'non core business functions' and leave you to focus on making and selling whatever it is you sell! How about that then!! No way is that a load of 'Emperors New Clothes' fucking wank! It's the future baby. Touch me! Go on! Touch me you crack whore!" Five years later the supply chain - who could deliver a box of paperclips to Joyce in despatch in Tarporley within 5 minutes of receiving the order - now has to take a job reference number from a headset-wearing 16 year old in a call centre in an industrial estate in some development-grant funded hellhole, who will then pass the order through multiple layers of plausible deniability, before the wrong size hole punch is delivered to Sudharta in Sales in Bangalore. But at least the Key Performance Metrics will have been met - so that's okay then. Its the "logistics" word that so many of these "just in time" fuckwit delivery companies brand their trucks with that "amuses" me. They are all a load of cunts. Tarporley .. do you know where the Fox & Hounds is? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted November 2, 2017 Report Share Posted November 2, 2017 Our managers are the best they have ever been. I know this for a fact because they have told me so millions of time. Unfortunately, seeing as 90% of their time is spent either sucking the knob of their seniors or shitting on any perceived rivals then it is lucky they are so good or else the job would go even more tits upwards than it already is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted November 2, 2017 Report Share Posted November 2, 2017 3 minutes ago, Manky said: Our managers are the best they have ever been. I know this for a fact because they have told me so millions of time. Unfortunately, seeing as 90% of their time is spent either sucking the knob of their seniors or shitting on any perceived rivals then it is lucky they are so good or else the job would go even more tits upwards than it already is. An ultimate cunt is this "line manager" system where everything good or bad has to be processed through the manager immediately above you even if that line manage just above you is the problem. There is also the issue of these managers coming from outside the job with managerial experience that has no relation to the job that they have come into which means that thay have no comprehension of the job in hand. The world is now full of these butterfly managers flitting from one company to another. Often having been asked to leave because of some fuckup they made. They then make another fuckup and are asked to leave and fuck off somewhere else to make another fuckup. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted November 2, 2017 Report Share Posted November 2, 2017 3 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: Five years later the supply chain - who could deliver a box of paperclips to Joyce in despatch in Tarporley within 5 minutes of receiving the order - now has to take a job reference number from a headset-wearing 16 year old in a call centre in an industrial estate in some development-grant funded hellhole, who will then pass the order through multiple layers of plausible deniability, before the wrong size hole punch is delivered to Sudharta in Sales in Bangalore. It's all in the Cloud now - what could possibly go wrong? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted November 2, 2017 Report Share Posted November 2, 2017 Can we get the corners admin and mod action outsourced? I don't care where to Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted November 2, 2017 Report Share Posted November 2, 2017 its all about layers of responsibility so that no single organisation or individual is to blame. We have people here that think they solved a problem by just forwarding an Email. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted November 2, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2017 12 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: its all about layers of responsibility so that no single organisation or individual is to blame. We have people here that think they solved a problem by just forwarding an Email. Yes! Precisely my point! You end up with whole swathes of industry that 'administer a process' rather than deal with a problem. Whether or not said process is fit for purpose never crosses anyone's mind - they might lose their job if they realised how truly disposable they are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted November 2, 2017 Report Share Posted November 2, 2017 After 45 years in a multitude of workplaces I can categorically state that despite improved protective legislation, advances in technology, health and safety improvements and fine tuning of processes and procedures, work is still a cunts game. The problem is not the hardware or the software but the delusions of adequacy of the people who have control over it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted November 2, 2017 Report Share Posted November 2, 2017 Long gone are the days when a senior manager will own a mistake, tell everybody he buggered up and apologise for it, then get back to work. Now it's a game of fingerpointing and endless blame shifting to the cunt being paid in clumps of shit, who will be out of a job the next morning, and crawling to the next low wage paying slow fucking death, just to try to but the products from the company that outsourced to them to begin with. Endless cuntfuckery! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted November 2, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2017 11 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: Long gone are the days when a senior manager will own a mistake, tell everybody he buggered up and apologise for it, then get back to work. Now it's a game of fingerpointing and endless blame shifting to the cunt being paid in clumps of shit, who will be out of a job the next morning, and crawling to the next low wage paying slow fucking death, just to try to but the products from the company that outsourced to them to begin with. Endless cuntfuckery! Calling Applescruff! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest N/A Posted November 3, 2017 Report Share Posted November 3, 2017 15 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: We at 'Very Big PLC' used to make stuff. We were good at it, we had our shit streamlined, our supply chain humming, our prices spot on and the world used to beat a path to our door. Then one day, our chairman was playing golf (yeah, you've got to watch those Rupert Bear trouser wearing motherfuckers like a ruddy hawk) with some latter-day snake oil salesman who went: " You know what? You're really great at selling whatever it is you sell. But, eh....get this....we can take on your 'non core business functions' and leave you to focus on making and selling whatever it is you sell! How about that then!! No way is that a load of 'Emperors New Clothes' fucking wank! It's the future baby. Touch me! Go on! Touch me you crack whore!" Five years later the supply chain - who could deliver a box of paperclips to Joyce in despatch in Tarporley within 5 minutes of receiving the order - now has to take a job reference number from a headset-wearing 16 year old in a call centre in an industrial estate in some development-grant funded hellhole, who will then pass the order through multiple layers of plausible deniability, before the wrong size hole punch is delivered to Sudharta in Sales in Bangalore. But at least the Key Performance Metrics will have been met - so that's okay then. Sounds like you work in a warehouse! I've kept it quiet and iam not going to tell anybody on here. But mate you really shouldn't let cunts like me know you are a fucking retarded, brain dead, useless, shift working low life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted November 3, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 3, 2017 15 hours ago, Monumental cunt said: Sounds like you work in a warehouse! I've kept it quiet and iam not going to tell anybody on here. But mate you really shouldn't let cunts like me know you are a fucking retarded, brain dead, useless, shift working low life. I know. What kind of piss poor fucking life choices have I made to get here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest N/A Posted November 3, 2017 Report Share Posted November 3, 2017 7 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: I know. What kind of piss poor fucking life choices have I made to get here? If a Polak can travel to the uk and speaking a second language or not even speaking it at all, can do your job. Then you deserve all the shit you get. What the fuck did you do at school all those years? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted November 4, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2017 14 hours ago, Monumental cunt said: If a Polak can travel to the uk and speaking a second language or not even speaking it at all, can do your job. Then you deserve all the shit you get. What the fuck did you do at school all those years? Same as you - attempt to shove turds back up my arse with a spatula 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted November 4, 2017 Report Share Posted November 4, 2017 3 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: Same as you - attempt to shove turds back up my arse with a spatula good old Jiggly; like raisin d'être only without the French bit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted January 15, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2018 My original post,..... ......reference this Carillion fiasco Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted January 15, 2018 Report Share Posted January 15, 2018 On 04/11/2017 at 1:57 PM, Jiggerycock said: Same as you - attempt to shove turds back up my arse with a spatula What was your success rate in percentage terms ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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