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TA - Travel Anouncements


Ape™️

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4 minutes ago, Ape said:

Drew, we all know the only car journey you ever make is to the off-licence, so fuck off.

We also know that Drew’s only mode of transport is a clapped out mobility scooter with a basket on the front for his cans of Spesh and Ginsters sausage roll. 

@Drew P Pissflaps, next time you observe some faster moving traffic, please crawl in front of it. 

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5 hours ago, Ape said:

I’m sure many of you will be familiar with this feature of car radios, where the station you are listening to can be interrupted by local travel announcements, to keep you informed of any problems in the area you’re currently travelling through. In principle, a great idea that could help avoid some massive great traffic jam. However, in reality, a complete load of utter fucking shit. A traffic warning is only of use if the information it contains is both accurate, current and timely. Travelling back from London to Gloucester today, in fucking atrocious conditions, I was only made aware of trouble on both the M4 and the A417 after I was already well and truly fucked. Absolutely no warning whatsoever. Complete load of utter fucking shit.

Fuck off.

Isn't the info gleened from some poor cunt stuck in said traffic jam who rings the station?

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4 hours ago, luke swarm said:

I have been trying for years to switch that TA function on my car radio off with absolutely no success. Other than switching the radio off it just keeps interrupting all the time with traffic alerts from Birmingham, fuckall use around the Wolverhampton area.

I think you're supposed to press the button twice; first push stops the message, second press turns the TA function off.

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9 minutes ago, Punkape said:

I use google maps to check traffic congestion on my mobile phone whilst being careful not to plough into other vehicles or pedestrians in my Range Rover (I have a screen holder device for it).

Lol.

Fuck off.

You’re a fucking idiot of biblical proportions. A weapons-grade wanker. For Christmas, I wish you a slow and painful death. Yes, I wish you CANCER.

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Guest Wizardsleeve
17 minutes ago, Punkape said:

Your lot turn over thousands of stolen vehicles so it’s unsurprising you know the technical details.

STFU you monotonous fucking twat!  You are not allowed to post without permission.  

Fuck off

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30 minutes ago, Ape said:

You’re a fucking idiot of biblical proportions. A weapons-grade wanker. For Christmas, I wish you a slow and painful death. Yes, I wish you CANCER.

I hope you get an inoperable, malignant, weeping, galloping growth in your arse which can be poked all Christmas by your diseased, African rentboys.

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Guest Lady Penelope
6 minutes ago, Punkape said:

I hope get an inoperable, malignant, weeping, galloping growth in your arse which can be poked all Christmas by your diseased, African rentboys.

Laffin'

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Guest Wizardsleeve
4 minutes ago, Punkape said:

How’s Ramone ?

Lol.

Never heard of her.

Have the NHS doctors been able to extract those poor gerbils from your arse yet?  Why do you do that to helpless animals, you diseased fucking mong?  

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Oh dear, you do give the game away sometimes, Punkape...

12 hours ago, Punkape said:

I use google maps to check traffic congestion on my mobile phone whilst being careful not to plough into other vehicles or pedestrians in my Range Rover (I have a screen holder device for it).

Lol.

Fuck off.

You must have an old model of Range Rover (that is if you ever did have one) 'cos as any fule kno, recent Range Rover models, i.e. anything less than 7 years old, allows you to mirror link your phone's Google Maps into the car's infotainment screen. This saves the embarrassment of sporting the chav-like device holders on the windshield. Better still, buy a car with the latest tech. Some premium brand vehicles now have embedded sim cards so you have the benefit of Google Maps (satellite 2D or 3D view) with dynamic re-routing and traffic status on-screen. It works a treat.

Anyway enough of Audi smugness, my next post contains an important announcement for your attention.

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22 minutes ago, Mrs Roops said:

Oh dear, you do give the game away sometimes, Punkape...

You must have an old model of Range Rover (that is if you ever did have one) 'cos as any fule kno, recent Range Rover models, i.e. anything less than 7 years old, allows you to mirror link your phone's Google Maps into the cars infotainment screen. This saves the embarrassment of sporting the chav-like device holders on the windshield. Better still, buy a car with the latest tech. Some premium brand vehicles now have embedded sim cards so you have the benefit of Google Maps (satellite 2D or 3D view) with dynamic re-routing and traffic status on-screen. It works a treat.

Anyway enough of Audi smugness, my next post contains an important announcement for your attention.

I've not seen anyone owned that hard since Jan Vertonghen got into his car, sat down and realised he still had Cristiano Ronaldo in his back pocket after we demolished Real Madrid 3-1 at Wembley.

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13 hours ago, Punkape said:

Did you grow up with the fruit picking West family in Gloucester ?

lol.

@Punkape, I think its time you change your approach to the way you interact on this board.

During the rest of this month any post that uses or gives the impression of the punkape.exe programme will result in a 14 day suspension. You may think that this ruling is too broad, vague and unfair. On the face of it you would be correct, however I note that as you file more complaints than the rest of the CC puntership combined you clearly expect everybody to conform to high standards so its only correct that you should be judged and administered in the same manner.

You should restrict yourself to using the site for which it was designed for, however you may continue to proffer the faux wealthy Cheshire Gentleman character 'cos its fun spotting the howlers you make. Subjects could include, "The correct angle one should wear a bowler hat when visiting one's stockbroker" or perhaps "silver-plated cruet sets on the breakfast bar - right or wrong?"

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Guest Bill Stickers
56 minutes ago, Mrs Roops said:

@Punkape, I think its time you change your approach to the way you interact on this board.

During the rest of this month any post that uses or gives the impression of the punkape.exe programme will result in a 14 day suspension. You may think that this ruling is too broad, vague and unfair. On the face of it you would be correct, however I note that as you file more complaints than the rest of the CC puntership combined you clearly expect everybody to conform to high standards so its only correct that you should be judged and administered in the same manner.

You should restrict yourself to using the site for which it was designed for, however you may continue to proffer the faux wealthy Cheshire Gentleman character 'cos its fun spotting the howlers you make. Subjects could include, "The correct angle one should wear a bowler hat when visiting one's stockbroker" or perhaps "silver-plated cruet sets on the breakfast bar - right or wrong?"

Lol

lol

lol

lol

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23 hours ago, Mrs Roops said:

You should restrict yourself to using the site for which it was designed for,

I notice two of the clique have liked this. Maybe they should read it aloud to themselves.

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