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NHS Winter Crisis v64.0


Last Cunt Standing

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This has got to be the Cunt du jour, really hasn't it?

That old well-tested cliche, beloved of lazy journalists the land over, rears its ugly head again this January. As sure as a child's tears on Boxing Day, you'll find angst-ridden punters on their way into A&E harangued on the pavement by BBC types about their reason for attending and the coming meltdown of the NHS. Then shots of ambulances all parked up while the men in green overalls have some elevenses. Cut to a sea of geriatrics on trolleys looking haunted and earnest Nurses fiddling with their bags of Hartmanns and IV lines. And finally, some Oxbridge Tory snake pops up giving it plenty about how marvellous it is the NHS is staffed by dedicated people who bust an unpaid gut to help others in the most difficult of unforeseen circumstances, while at the same time strangling the very service they praise with death by underfunding. A thousand and one talking heads pop up, hydra-like to denounce the problems; Immigration! Austerity! PFI! Social Care! Australian Flu! Lazy GPs!

I've seen this shit every winter my entire career (nearly done thank Christ) and its now just boring. The tsunami of viral symptoms, snot, and coughs that "just won't shift even though i've tried everything" is so entirely predictable that in my surgery we even keep a tally chart in the tea room of how many viral coughs and colds we've seen this week. It goes up every Christmas with the decorations, and a bottle of fizz goes to King or Queen of snot announced on Valentines day. 

When will people ever fucking learn? Take a fucking holiday in January, somewhere far away and hot. If you don't, be prepared to run the risk of a cold. If you are unlucky and catch one, there's pretty much fuck all the medical profession can do for you most of the time, and you'll end up being on their wanker list if you bang the table and cry if you don't get antibiotics in an act of pacification. The NHS is dying, can barely cope with normal levels of demand - you turning up in your jim-jams and Superman duvet 'cos you've run out Lemsip makes you not only a right Cunt, it might as well be a knife through the heart of this 70-year old monolith. 

So overwhelmed are the A&E departments with grown adults with a touch of the sniffles, that the entire hospital goes into Operation Omnishambles; all elective work is cancelled and the Consultant Orthopaedic Surgeons and Ophthalmologists get to resume their annual inter-departmental office chair races around the operating theatres on 100k a year plus each. My punters moan on at me that there's a 2 year wait for their cataracts and so the circle continues forever and ever... 

Fucked from apex to fundus. I think we should start over. 

LOL

Fuck off. 

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Guest Wizardsleeve

I wish the cunts who get sick and still turn up at work would just fucking die!  How inconsiderate of others and utterly cuntish.  I don't want their fucking illness and certainly don't request them to share their "gift" with all and sundry.  Fucking bastards can either sort it or top themselves.  

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15 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

it might as well be a knife through the heart of this 70-year old monolith. 

Get back to fundamentals by refusing treatment to drunks, fat cunts, and the gender-confused, and manage costs by not prescribing anything invented after 1950. It's what Nye Bevan would have wanted.

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46 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

This has got to be the Cunt du jour, really hasn't it?

That old well-tested cliche, beloved of lazy journalists the land over, rears its ugly head again this January. As sure as a child's tears on Boxing Day, you'll find angst-ridden punters on their way into A&E harangued on the pavement by BBC types about their reason for attending and the coming meltdown of the NHS. Then shots of ambulances all parked up while the men in green overalls have some elevenses. Cut to a sea of geriatrics on trolleys looking haunted and earnest Nurses fiddling with their bags of Hartmanns and IV lines. And finally, some Oxbridge Tory snake pops up giving it plenty about how marvellous it is the NHS is staffed by dedicated people who bust an unpaid gut to help others in the most difficult of unforeseen circumstances, while at the same time strangling the very service they praise with death by underfunding. A thousand and one talking heads pop up, hydra-like to denounce the problems; Immigration! Austerity! PFI! Social Care! Australian Flu! Lazy GPs!

I've seen this shit every winter my entire career (nearly done thank Christ) and its now just boring. The tsunami of viral symptoms, snot, and coughs that "just won't shift even though i've tried everything" is so entirely predictable that in my surgery we even keep a tally chart in the tea room of how many viral coughs and colds we've seen this week. It goes up every Christmas with the decorations, and a bottle of fizz goes to King or Queen of snot announced on Valentines day. 

When will people ever fucking learn? Take a fucking holiday in January, somewhere far away and hot. If you don't, be prepared to run the risk of a cold. If you are unlucky and catch one, there's pretty much fuck all the medical profession can do for you most of the time, and you'll end up being on their wanker list if you bang the table and cry if you don't get antibiotics in an act of pacification. The NHS is dying, can barely cope with normal levels of demand - you turning up in your jim-jams and Superman duvet 'cos you've run out Lemsip makes you not only a right Cunt, it might as well be a knife through the heart of this 70-year old monolith. 

So overwhelmed are the A&E departments with grown adults with a touch of the sniffles, that the entire hospital goes into Operation Omnishambles; all elective work is cancelled and the Consultant Orthopaedic Surgeons and Ophthalmologists get to resume their annual inter-departmental office chair races around the operating theatres on 100k a year plus each. My punters moan on at me that there's a 2 year wait for their cataracts and so the circle continues forever and ever... 

Fucked from apex to fundus. I think we should start over. 

LOL

Fuck off. 

Thanks for the essay,  you  attention seeking cunt. Fuck off  lol

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Guest luke swarm
1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

This has got to be the Cunt du jour, really hasn't it?

That old well-tested cliche, beloved of lazy journalists the land over, rears its ugly head again this January. As sure as a child's tears on Boxing Day, you'll find angst-ridden punters on their way into A&E harangued on the pavement by BBC types about their reason for attending and the coming meltdown of the NHS. Then shots of ambulances all parked up while the men in green overalls have some elevenses. Cut to a sea of geriatrics on trolleys looking haunted and earnest Nurses fiddling with their bags of Hartmanns and IV lines. And finally, some Oxbridge Tory snake pops up giving it plenty about how marvellous it is the NHS is staffed by dedicated people who bust an unpaid gut to help others in the most difficult of unforeseen circumstances, while at the same time strangling the very service they praise with death by underfunding. A thousand and one talking heads pop up, hydra-like to denounce the problems; Immigration! Austerity! PFI! Social Care! Australian Flu! Lazy GPs!

I've seen this shit every winter my entire career (nearly done thank Christ) and its now just boring. The tsunami of viral symptoms, snot, and coughs that "just won't shift even though i've tried everything" is so entirely predictable that in my surgery we even keep a tally chart in the tea room of how many viral coughs and colds we've seen this week. It goes up every Christmas with the decorations, and a bottle of fizz goes to King or Queen of snot announced on Valentines day. 

When will people ever fucking learn? Take a fucking holiday in January, somewhere far away and hot. If you don't, be prepared to run the risk of a cold. If you are unlucky and catch one, there's pretty much fuck all the medical profession can do for you most of the time, and you'll end up being on their wanker list if you bang the table and cry if you don't get antibiotics in an act of pacification. The NHS is dying, can barely cope with normal levels of demand - you turning up in your jim-jams and Superman duvet 'cos you've run out Lemsip makes you not only a right Cunt, it might as well be a knife through the heart of this 70-year old monolith. 

So overwhelmed are the A&E departments with grown adults with a touch of the sniffles, that the entire hospital goes into Operation Omnishambles; all elective work is cancelled and the Consultant Orthopaedic Surgeons and Ophthalmologists get to resume their annual inter-departmental office chair races around the operating theatres on 100k a year plus each. My punters moan on at me that there's a 2 year wait for their cataracts and so the circle continues forever and ever... 

Fucked from apex to fundus. I think we should start over. 

LOL

Fuck off. 

My eldest Daughter and Son in law are both doctors working in the NHS, they are both despicable cunts as well.

 

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1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

This has got to be the Cunt du jour, really hasn't it?

That old well-tested cliche, beloved of lazy journalists the land over, rears its ugly head again this January. As sure as a child's tears on Boxing Day, you'll find angst-ridden punters on their way into A&E harangued on the pavement by BBC types about their reason for attending and the coming meltdown of the NHS. Then shots of ambulances all parked up while the men in green overalls have some elevenses. Cut to a sea of geriatrics on trolleys looking haunted and earnest Nurses fiddling with their bags of Hartmanns and IV lines. And finally, some Oxbridge Tory snake pops up giving it plenty about how marvellous it is the NHS is staffed by dedicated people who bust an unpaid gut to help others in the most difficult of unforeseen circumstances, while at the same time strangling the very service they praise with death by underfunding. A thousand and one talking heads pop up, hydra-like to denounce the problems; Immigration! Austerity! PFI! Social Care! Australian Flu! Lazy GPs!

I've seen this shit every winter my entire career (nearly done thank Christ) and its now just boring. The tsunami of viral symptoms, snot, and coughs that "just won't shift even though i've tried everything" is so entirely predictable that in my surgery we even keep a tally chart in the tea room of how many viral coughs and colds we've seen this week. It goes up every Christmas with the decorations, and a bottle of fizz goes to King or Queen of snot announced on Valentines day. 

When will people ever fucking learn? Take a fucking holiday in January, somewhere far away and hot. If you don't, be prepared to run the risk of a cold. If you are unlucky and catch one, there's pretty much fuck all the medical profession can do for you most of the time, and you'll end up being on their wanker list if you bang the table and cry if you don't get antibiotics in an act of pacification. The NHS is dying, can barely cope with normal levels of demand - you turning up in your jim-jams and Superman duvet 'cos you've run out Lemsip makes you not only a right Cunt, it might as well be a knife through the heart of this 70-year old monolith. 

So overwhelmed are the A&E departments with grown adults with a touch of the sniffles, that the entire hospital goes into Operation Omnishambles; all elective work is cancelled and the Consultant Orthopaedic Surgeons and Ophthalmologists get to resume their annual inter-departmental office chair races around the operating theatres on 100k a year plus each. My punters moan on at me that there's a 2 year wait for their cataracts and so the circle continues forever and ever... 

Fucked from apex to fundus. I think we should start over. 

LOL

Fuck off. 

Come on LCS, I know the real reason why you're wound up. You got the shit Belgian chocs from the patient christmas gift lottery didn't you? I got crap as well; fucking box of maltesers and a chocolate orange. 

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30 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Come on LCS, I know the real reason why you're wound up. You got the shit Belgian chocs from the patient christmas gift lottery didn't you? I got crap as well; fucking box of maltesers and a chocolate orange. 

We got some real shit this year, gyps. Even the bottle of port was from fucking Asda. Austerity is at last biting rural England in the arse. 

I got a taxidermied Owl this year from one patient. Not sure what’s the message. 

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3 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

We got some real shit this year, gyps. Even the bottle of port was from fucking Asda. Austerity is at last biting rural England in the arse. 

I got a taxidermied Owl this year from one patient. Not sure what’s the message. 

You're a twit t'woo?

I'll get me Gladstone bag 

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1 hour ago, Manky said:

Was this a party political broadcast by the Mong Party?

Cut winter fuel payments to nil. That should thin the poorly fuckers out.

Amen to that Manky. Round my way the middle class Boomers knock their 250 winter fuel allowance out on EasyJet flights to Tenerife, courtesy of the tax payer. A giant waste of time and money. 

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3 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

Get back to fundamentals by refusing treatment to drunks, fat cunts, and the gender-confused, and manage costs by not prescribing anything invented after 1950. It's what Nye Bevan would have wanted.

We are quite good at dishing out Azithromycin to middle aged men just back from Bangkok to visit their nieces, Baws. Presumably you’re in favour of that?

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Guest Couldn't give a shit

Euthanize the homeless, labour voting senior citizens, Arsenal supporters and the entire population of Liverpool. We would be the envy of the entire fucking world in no time. All hail Harold Shipman.

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Guest Trumpton  Bacon
5 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I got a taxidermied Owl this year from one patient. Not sure what’s the message. 

There's no subliminal message LCS, it's just some cunt unloading their old shit, that they can't be arsed to toss down the tip. You fell for it. 

There's a way back. Stick a dildo up it's arse, paint it purple, piss all over it and give it back next year, this time gift wrapped in a fucked old Asda bag for life. I did something similar last time me old ma tried to foist some of her chipped crockery onto me, the cheeky old cunt. I smashed it all up, set the shards in a lump of concrete and named it "Abstract Armadillo". She got it for her birthday.

 

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Guest luke swarm
31 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

 

I got a taxidermied Owl this year from one patient. Not sure what’s the message. 

was this patients name, a Mr R Weasley a red headed chap perchance LCS? 

 

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22 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

We are quite at dishing out Azithromycin to middle aged men just back from Bangkok to visit their nieces, Baws. Presumably you’re in favour of that?

Wire brush and Dettol has more of a deterrent effect, and it's a rare strain of H. ducreyi that can develop a resistance to that.

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Guest Snatch
3 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

When will people ever fucking learn? Take a fucking holiday in January, somewhere far away and hot.

 

1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Round my way the middle class Boomers knock their 250 winter fuel allowance out on EasyJet flights to Tenerife, courtesy of the tax payer. A giant waste of time and money. 

Don't knock it,it's what you suggested.

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1 hour ago, Ogri Trumpton - Bacon said:

There's no subliminal message LCS, it's just some cunt unloading their old shit, that they can't be arsed to toss down the tip. You fell for it. 

There's a way back. Stick a dildo up it's arse, paint it purple, piss all over it and give it back next year, this time gift wrapped in a fucked old Asda bag for life. I did something similar last time me old ma tried to foist some of her chipped crockery onto me, the cheeky old cunt. I smashed it all up, set the shards in a lump of concrete and named it "Abstract Armadillo". She got it for her birthday.

 

I intend to reanimate the stuffed Owl and train it to dish out antibiotics at random to every even numbered snotty child next year. Save me a job. 

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Guest Trumpton  Bacon
1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I intend to reanimate the stuffed Owl

Fuck me, I didn't know you were a high end consultant type cunt. What's your specialisation, Witchcraft or Voodoo?

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53 minutes ago, Ogri Trumpton - Bacon said:

Fuck me, I didn't know you were a high end consultant type cunt. What's your specialisation, Witchcraft or Voodoo?

Keep it quiet, but I’m actually qualified in veterinary medicine, but bunged the bloke at my graduation a score and he got me a GMC number. Easy street ever since....

People will do anything when they clock your white coat.

Stanley Milgram was a cunt.

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Guest Lady Penelope
8 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Keep it quiet, but I’m actually qualified in veterinary medicine, but bunged the bloke at my graduation a score and he got me a GMC number. Easy street ever since....

People will do anything when they clock your white coat.

Stanley Milgram was a cunt.

So you killed the owl and stuffed it?

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15 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

Get back to fundamentals by refusing treatment to drunks, fat cunts, and the gender-confused, and manage costs by not prescribing anything invented after 1950. It's what Nye Bevan would have wanted.

Pretty sure that was what killed him eventually - either that or the Duke of Edinburgh getting some early homicidal practise in, in revenge for Bevan's rampant Republicanism.

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