Guest Alfie Noakes Posted August 16, 2014 Report Share Posted August 16, 2014 So before my celebrated divorce I was doing the Mrs from behind when I accidentally slipped up the wrong hole without warning. As the Mrs was dead against that kind of thing, boring cow, there was absolutely no room or lube in there. My banjo string parted company from my bell end in a most unusual way, it unpeeled itself vertically. My agonised screams and her crying must have been heard over the whole neighbourhood as we got funny looks from everyone for quite some time. The blood was everywhere and I ruined two tea towels stemming the flow. Needless to say I let it heal itself over the next twelve weeks as our local hospital kills more people with bad practises, filth, horrid food, mrsa and c.difficile than it cures. Needless to say sex was off the cards for that time and a while longer until the separation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted August 16, 2014 Report Share Posted August 16, 2014 She said your cock was small enough to fit without touching the sides Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted August 16, 2014 Report Share Posted August 16, 2014 There's plenty of politicians you could of sought advice from before indulging, failing that Bronski would be more than happy to assist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted August 16, 2014 Report Share Posted August 16, 2014 His avatar is really nasty looking Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted August 16, 2014 Report Share Posted August 16, 2014 Also his family life SCARES ME Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted August 16, 2014 Report Share Posted August 16, 2014 His family life is all make believe from the land of princesses, where the fuck he got the money to pay a high class hooker to role play his step mom I have no idea. Him being on jobseekers it makes me wonder if he blagged some money off the social for a new fridge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted August 16, 2014 Report Share Posted August 16, 2014 Are you sure she really is high class? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted August 16, 2014 Report Share Posted August 16, 2014 Are you sure she really is high class? Defiantly on the outside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted August 16, 2014 Report Share Posted August 16, 2014 “The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex, and picnics.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted August 18, 2014 Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 “The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex, and picnics.” You're right about some of them. My name's Peregrine and I am an alcoholic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted August 18, 2014 Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 More chuffing, less botting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted August 18, 2014 Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 Big man. Big talk. Big mouth. Little winkle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted August 18, 2014 Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 Yeah. I'm not that fussed about champagne, or lobster. Or picnics for that matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted August 19, 2014 Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 More chuffing, less botting. Profound! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted August 19, 2014 Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 There is such a thing as a wrong un in cricket, it is a type of bowling delivery although I prefer the Doosra. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 19, 2014 Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 Hey fuckkers, any holes a goal I'm thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 19, 2014 Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 even if I have to tuck it with my thumbs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 20, 2014 Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 You've given me an idea for the bank holiday weekend, I'll combine the lot with my misses. All three of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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