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Stansted Airport


Neil

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Increase passenger numbers??!...those cunts need to be able to manage what they handle currently let alone increase it.10 out of 30 booths open at best in passport control,half of the carousels closed in baggage control,fuck 'em,It's City Airport for me from now on.

Fucking hell hole full of chavvy Essex cunts anyway.

Michael Ryan's a shitbag

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Like Piers Morgan and paper cuts to the japeye, I thought this nom must have been one of the founding stones upon which this whole edifice is built.

What an oversight eh?

You have to be a keen Orienteering athlete to deal with this circle of hell. If the trek from car park, to baggage drop off, to embarkation point (the notion of a few minutes in Duty Free being but a hollow dream) doesn't kill you the paternoster of 'corridors to nowhere' will.

Throw in the usual  "still at school" mentality of the counter droogs, heat it under a grill of general despondency and sautee gently in foetid, dead air enriched with farts and '19 stone holidaymaker body odour' and there you have the whole sorry she-bang.

Stanstead Airport?

I would rather die.

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5 hours ago, Neil said:

Increase passenger numbers??!...those cunts need to be able to manage what they handle currently let alone increase it.10 out of 30 booths open at best in passport control,half of the carousels closed in baggage control,fuck 'em,It's City Airport for me from now on.

Fucking hell hole full of chavvy Essex cunts anyway.

Michael Ryan's a shitbag

Bollocks never happened image.png.cc871ef549692dda43df990513364e97.png@judgetwi

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5 hours ago, Neil said:

Increase passenger numbers??!...those cunts need to be able to manage what they handle currently let alone increase it.10 out of 30 booths open at best in passport control,half of the carousels closed in baggage control,fuck 'em,It's City Airport for me from now on.

Fucking hell hole full of chavvy Essex cunts anyway.

Michael Ryan's a shitbag

I think we can all agree the perpetrator of the Hungerford Massacre (Michael Ryan) was indeed a shitbag, but - loathe Stansted as I do - I fail to see how invoking the name of a mass-murderer can add flavour or be relevant in this instance?

I'm interested in your opinion of Michael O'Leary though

(Note to self: nobody loves a smartarse)

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48 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said:

I think we can all agree the perpetrator of the Hungerford Massacre (Michael Ryan) was indeed a shitbag, but - loathe Stansted as I do - I fail to see how invoking the name of a mass-murderer can add flavour or be relevant in this instance?

I'm interested in your opinion of Michael O'Leary though

(Note to self: nobody loves a smartarse)

An amusing footnote to the Hungerford massacre, 

After Ryan had already slaughtered god knows how many, a hero emerged from the chaos, an elderly man on a pushbike rode past him, jingling the bike's bell and shouting; "don't be so bloody stupid!" 

Doesn't sound like much, but still demonstrates more bravery than exhibited by the average police commissioner.

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30 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Doesn't sound like much, but still demonstrates more bravery than exhibited by the average police commissioner.

Ryan's death was faked as he lived for another 12 years as a member of the Heavens Gate cult and left Earth on board comet Hale Bopp with the others (including Elvis Presley, John Lennon and Buddy Holly).

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32 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

An amusing footnote to the Hungerford massacre, 

After Ryan had already slaughtered god knows how many, a hero emerged from the chaos, an elderly man on a pushbike rode past him, jingling the bike's bell and shouting; "don't be so bloody stupid!" 

Doesn't sound like much, but still demonstrates more bravery than exhibited by the average police commissioner.

I remember them going on about he watched too many 'shoot 'em up' videos which made him go out with a gun, but apparently when they searched what was left if his house, they found no video player or videos. 

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3 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I remember them going on about he watched too many 'shoot 'em up' videos which made him go out with a gun, but apparently when they searched what was left if his house, they found no video player or videos. 

It could be the reason that he went on the rampage was that someone had nicked his video player and videos.

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3 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

I think we can all agree the perpetrator of the Hungerford Massacre (Michael Ryan) was indeed a shitbag, but - loathe Stansted as I do - I fail to see how invoking the name of a mass-murderer can add flavour or be relevant in this instance?

I'm interested in your opinion of Michael O'Leary though

(Note to self: nobody loves a smartarse)

I fail to see what that cunt off X factor has got to do with it

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5 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

An amusing footnote to the Hungerford massacre, 

After Ryan had already slaughtered god knows how many, a hero emerged from the chaos, an elderly man on a pushbike rode past him, jingling the bike's bell and shouting; "don't be so bloody stupid!" 

Doesn't sound like much, but still demonstrates more bravery than exhibited by the average police commissioner.

Good old Manky. I really miss the northern cunt

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  • 6 months later...

I'm fucking furious. I've got a flight out of this fucking shithole to Naples at 6am. As I'm going solo I decided to take the Stansted express rather than drive. Due to limited times, I picked one that would give me plenty of wriggle room in case of unforseen delays such as the fat fucking slob at the wheel having a heart attack.

Upon arrival, I find out that nowadays the departures area is closed after the last flight of the evening. So after three fucking hours of travel, I'm forced to sit in the arrivals area where there's no fucking pub, a closed Burger King, and dozens of other fucking idiots like me who weren't aware of this policy.

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38 minutes ago, Decimus said:

I'm fucking furious. I've got a flight out of this fucking shithole to Naples at 6am. As I'm going solo I decided to take the Stansted express rather than drive. Due to limited times, I picked one that would give me plenty of wriggle room in case of unforseen delays such as the fat fucking slob at the wheel having a heart attack.

Upon arrival, I find out that nowadays the departures area is closed after the last flight of the evening. So after three fucking hours of travel, I'm forced to sit in the arrivals area where there's no fucking pub, a closed Burger King, and dozens of other fucking idiots like me who weren't aware of this policy.

A cunt indeed. But, to be fair, could have been avoided if you'd had the 'stiff upper lip' blitz spirit, to make a Thermos of coffee and some cheese & pickle sandwiches.

fuckin millennial pussyhole muddafukka!

Cowboy up.

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Guest judgetwi
35 minutes ago, Decimus said:

I'm fucking furious. I've got a flight out of this fucking shithole to Naples at 6am. As I'm going solo I decided to take the Stansted express rather than drive. Due to limited times, I picked one that would give me plenty of wriggle room in case of unforseen delays such as the fat fucking slob at the wheel having a heart attack.

Upon arrival, I find out that nowadays the departures area is closed after the last flight of the evening. So after three fucking hours of travel, I'm forced to sit in the arrivals area where there's no fucking pub, a closed Burger King, and dozens of other fucking idiots like me who weren't aware of this policy.

Naples? Have you been there before? May I give you some advice?

When you walk into a bar and see photos of Diego Maradona everywhere you should say “why have you got that fat, druggie, cheating Argie bastard all over your walls”?

The locals will admire your cutting carrotcruncher wit and will buy you drinks all night.

Trust me, I know what i’m talking about.

 

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4 minutes ago, judgetwi said:

Naples? Have you been there before? May I give you some advice?

When you walk into a bar and see photos of Diego Maradona everywhere you should say “why have you got that fat, druggie, cheating Argie bastard all over your walls”?

The locals will admire your cutting carrotcruncher wit and will buy you drinks all night.

Trust me, I know what i’m talking about.

 

The Spick's stabbed you right up your cunt didn't they? Sneaky, vicious bastards.

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2 hours ago, Decimus said:

I'm fucking furious. I've got a flight out of this fucking shithole to Naples at 6am. As I'm going solo I decided to take the Stansted express rather than drive. Due to limited times, I picked one that would give me plenty of wriggle room in case of unforseen delays such as the fat fucking slob at the wheel having a heart attack.

Upon arrival, I find out that nowadays the departures area is closed after the last flight of the evening. So after three fucking hours of travel, I'm forced to sit in the arrivals area where there's no fucking pub, a closed Burger King, and dozens of other fucking idiots like me who weren't aware of this policy.

You’re worse than Alf at this travelling lark. I can imagine some lonely obsessed forum cunt-blocker trying to save a few quid on hotels by camping overnight at Weatherspoons airside, but no one goes from Norwich to Stansted via London. 

FR 1832 to Naples departs at 0700. I’m also on an early morning flight from Stansted this morning. Hang around for an hour and you can prove me wrong.  

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32 minutes ago, Frank said:

You’re worse than Alf at this travelling lark. I can imagine some lonely obsessed forum cunt-blocker trying to save a few quid on hotels by camping overnight at Weatherspoons airside, but no one goes from Norwich to Stansted via London. 

FR 1832 to Naples departs at 0700. I’m also on an early morning flight from Stansted this morning. Hang around for an hour and you can prove me wrong.  

I'm in "The Cabin", you greasy cunt. If I see you, I'm genuinely going to hurt you. Badly. I'll make it easy for you by pointing out your error, my flight leaves at 6 not 7.

Come in and shout my screen name, Withers style, and I'll be sure to make myself known.

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2 hours ago, Decimus said:

I'm in "The Cabin", you greasy cunt. If I see you, I'm genuinely going to hurt you. Badly. I'll make it easy for you by pointing out your error, my flight leaves at 6 not 7.

Come in and shout my screen name, Withers style, and I'll be sure to make myself known.

Easy, I only wanted to say hi! Rattled little wanker. You’re not particurly quick to reply either.. when it suits you. Why wait to respond until you’re either at the gate or on the plane? 

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Guest judgetwi
35 minutes ago, Frank said:

Easy, I only wanted to say hi! Rattled little wanker. You’re not particurly quick to reply either.. when it suits you. Why wait to respond until you’re either at the gate or on the plane? 

Hello Frank. I know you are on a plane at the moment, you lying bullshitting wanker, but i’ve been thinking. Knowing that you are a wealthy, international playboy who travels the world and meets loads of slebs I was wondering if you were ever acquainted with the late Sir Clement Freud ? In particular did you ever stay at his villa in Praia da Luz in.......well let’s say the week beginning April 30th 2007. Yes, it’s a lot to ask someone to be so specific but as your only iinterest and topic of conversation is your fucking self I thought you might be able to recall.

Anyway wait until you get your arse off that imaginary plane before you give it some thought you pathetic two bob fantasist.

Cheers. 😀

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14 minutes ago, judgetwi said:

Hello Frank. I know you are on a plane at the moment, you lying bullshitting wanker, but i’ve been thinking. Knowing that you are a wealthy, international playboy who travels the world and meets loads of slebs I was wondering if you were ever acquainted with the late Sir Clement Freud ? In particular did you ever stay at his villa in Praia da Luz in.......well let’s say the week beginning April 30th 2007. Yes, it’s a lot to ask someone to be so specific but as your only iinterest and topic of conversation is your fucking self I thought you might be able to recall.

Anyway wait until you get your arse off that imaginary plane before you give it some thought you pathetic two bob fantasist.

Cheers. 😀

I bet you holiday in  Benidorm.....with your ferrets.....

Lol.

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7 hours ago, Frank said:

Easy, I only wanted to say hi! Rattled little wanker. You’re not particurly quick to reply either.. when it suits you. Why wait to respond until you’re either at the gate or on the plane? 

Unless you were going to turn up nine hours before your flight,which apparently only a cunt would do, it was a pretty empty gesture on your part. A shame really, I'd have liked to of introduced myself to your egg-shell thin, bald, liver-spotted head.

Come meet me when I get back on Wednesday, 12:05, it'd be nice to chat. Stand at arrivals with a Decimus sign and I'll pop over for a "chat". You can even bring the wife... Mr. Roops.

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