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Guest Xenominge

People using my living room as a garage

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Guest Xenominge

Just got home from work to find my boyfriend's motorbike spread across my living room floor in neat little sections like an unfortunate Mafia captive. All of the furniture has been pushed against the walls, and he's thoughtfully dragged in the stinking old tarpaulin from the shed to protect the laminate flooring. It wouldn't be so bad if he was actually working on it but he's decided pulling it apart was enough work for today and now he's playing on his x box instead.

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I hope you've got his fucking tea on? The poor chap would probably appreciate a blow job too.

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Guest Xenominge
6 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

I hope you've got his fucking tea on? The poor chap would probably appreciate a blow job too.

I might channel Lorena Bobbitt tonight.

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5 minutes ago, Xenominge said:

I might channel Lorena Bobbitt tonight.

Ironically, Pornhub advertises, "Watch John Wayne Bobbit Uncut on Pornhub".

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10 minutes ago, Xenominge said:

Just got home from work to find my boyfriend's motorbike spread across my living room floor in neat little sections like an unfortunate Mafia captive. All of the furniture has been pushed against the walls, and he's thoughtfully dragged in the stinking old tarpaulin from the shed to protect the laminate flooring. It wouldn't be so bad if he was actually working on it but he's decided pulling it apart was enough work for today and now he's playing on his x box instead.

Your fault entirely for shackling up with a “Hells Angel” instead of a wealthy public schoolboy.

Biker gang-bang on the cards for you luv....

lol.

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Arrange some cushions and soft furnishings around it and get used to the fact it's likely to be a feature for the foreseeable. 

Man work, unlike domestic chores, requires considerable lengthy thought .

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18 minutes ago, Xenominge said:

Just got home from work to find my boyfriend's motorbike spread across my living room floor in neat little sections like an unfortunate Mafia captive. All of the furniture has been pushed against the walls, and he's thoughtfully dragged in the stinking old tarpaulin from the shed to protect the laminate flooring. It wouldn't be so bad if he was actually working on it but he's decided pulling it apart was enough work for today and now he's playing on his x box instead.

Think yourself lucky you've landed a real man, who has a motorcycle and not a fucking barbie doll, a safe space and a trauma counsellor. Every cunt born after 1990 is a fucking chest waxing poof, and if you've found an exception, treasure him. We're a dying breed. 30 years from now, men will be extinct, replaced by Joey Essex type fairies with skinny jeans and plucked eyebrows, whining because Boots has run out of 'ankle hair remover'.

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25 minutes ago, Xenominge said:

Just got home from work to find my boyfriend's motorbike spread across my living room floor in neat little sections like an unfortunate Mafia captive. All of the furniture has been pushed against the walls, and he's thoughtfully dragged in the stinking old tarpaulin from the shed to protect the laminate flooring. It wouldn't be so bad if he was actually working on it but he's decided pulling it apart was enough work for today and now he's playing on his x box instead.

My advice to you, is to assume a man's thought process, grab two or three vital components, and use them as leverage to get the cunt out, sooner than later. 

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2 minutes ago, EreptileDysfunction said:

what kind of bike is it and what games has he got for his x-box?

Have a like for an excellent example of self-deprecation.

@Xenominge watch this cunt, before you know it your other half will be groomed and meeting Reptile at a £29 a night Travelodge.

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3 minutes ago, EreptileDysfunction said:

what kind of bike is it and what games has he got for his x-box?

For fucks sake Ereptic. Although I think of you as the son I never had, if you continue with this Man-child bollocks, I will be forced to tazer you unconscious, put a tub of utterly butterly up your arse and leave you with Punkape for an hour.

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16 minutes ago, Earl of Punkape said:

Your fault entirely for shackling up with a “Hells Angel” instead of a wealthy public schoolboy.

Biker gang-bang on the cards for you luv....

lol.

Yes, because if you’d shacked up with a wealthy public schoolboy, you’d have come home to find him spreading another mans arse across your living room floor. Be grateful for what you have.

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What's the fucking problem? You cunts are always fucking moaning .Make his tea,suck him off and then help him put it back together you lazy bitch

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7 minutes ago, EreptileDysfunction said:

what kind of bike is it and what games has he got for his x-box?

I have no idea what the bike is its some cheap Chinese thing that sounds like a lawnmower. He's playing Grand Theft Auto at the moment but I also have Assassins creed for it. Mostly its used as a dvd player.

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10 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

For fucks sake Ereptic. Although I think of you as the son I never had, if you continue with this Man-child bollocks, I will be forced to tazer you unconscious, put a tub of utterly butterly up your arse and leave you with Punkape for an hour.

Ahh memories I remember when Uncle Eric taught me how to shave and ride my first bicycle.... granted i was well in my twenties at the time but still! 

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3 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

For fucks sake Ereptic. Although I think of you as the son I never had, if you continue with this Man-child bollocks, I will be forced to tazer you unconscious, put a tub of utterly butterly up your arse and leave you with Punkape for an hour.

Reasonable but Punkape would never settle for utterly butterly - surely Normandy bio butter with sea salt would be his minimum - or unicorn .

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9 minutes ago, Iam Ape said:

Yes, because if you’d shacked up with a wealthy public schoolboy, you’d have come home to find him spreading another mans arse across your living room floor. Be grateful for what you have.

I was actually going to make an extremely similar comment to yours but thought better of it lol.

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Guest Xenominge
5 minutes ago, Neil said:

What's the fucking problem? You cunts are always fucking moaning .Make his tea,suck him off and then help him put it back together you lazy bitch

UGH UGH! Me caveman! Me shower once a week and like to scratch and sniff my sweaty balls! Piss of Grandad.

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35 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Ironically, Pornhub advertises, "Watch John Wayne Bobbit Uncut on Pornhub".

Come 'ere, baby! I'll make you a star! ^_^

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6 minutes ago, Xenominge said:

I have no idea what the bike is its some cheap Chinese thing that sounds like a lawnmower. He's playing Grand Theft Auto at the moment but I also have Assassins creed for it. Mostly its used as a dvd player.

Does it sound like this?  

 

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7 minutes ago, EreptileDysfunction said:

Ahh memories I remember when Uncle Eric taught me how to shave and ride my first bicycle.... granted i was well in my twenties at the time but still! 

Anyway, that's all in the past. I trust that you kept quiet when the social workers asked about 'our special visits'.

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5 minutes ago, Xenominge said:

UGH UGH! Me caveman! Me shower once a week and like to scratch and sniff my sweaty balls! Piss of Grandad.

Clearly it's not only the motorbike that's up on blocks 

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4 minutes ago, Queefer said:

Clearly it's not only the motorbike that's up on blocks 

Your generously donated "Cunt" eloquently proves my point. Now quick sticks ,fuck off and empty the washing machine before you need to change sanitary product.

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