The Sunday Carvery

[Stubby Pecker]

On the way home from the grandpeckers on Sunday evening, rather than allow the stubblets to fall asleep in the car and wake up even more miserable cunts than usual when we got home, it was decided to stop for a quick tea at one of the numerous pubs adjacent to town. Normally I wouldn't frequent such vile places but needs must and we all put on brave faces and hoped for the best. Being a Sunday, the menu was limited to say the least as it was the weekly family tradition of eat-as-much-food-as-you-can-for-a-tenner gig for the native cunts.

Fuck me sideways, I am still physically repulsed by the vast amounts of food these fuckers felt obliged to pile on to their "big plate deal" plates. Endurance athletes don't need to consume that much carbohydrate in one siting let alone the 18 stone tuskers queuing into the car park for their turn at the trough.

In a bold move towards some real social engineering, I suggest arranging contracted death squads armed to the fucking teeth to descend on these places nationwide on the same Sunday and dispatch those within with extreme prejudice. Sealing the doors and windows and chucking in some VX gas would do the trick as well.  

[nocti]

The culinary choice of the card scratching, tracksuit-clad, saxo-driving, paxo-eating, settee-wetting, council estate cunts all shouting "GARLIC BREAD?" and "NO LIKEY, NO LIGHTY!" at various intervals, and stuffing their disgustingly fat, yet somehow malnourished faces with kennel leftovers kept under a heatlamp for 48 hours. 

Not mentioning any names.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

19 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

On the way home from the grandpeckers on Sunday evening, rather than allow the stubblets to fall asleep in the car and wake up even more miserable cunts than usual when we got home, it was decided to stop for a quick tea at one of the numerous pubs adjacent to town. Normally I wouldn't frequent such vile places but needs must and we all put on brave faces and hoped for the best. Being a Sunday, the menu was limited to say the least as it was the weekly family tradition of eat-as-much-food-as-you-can-for-a-tenner gig for the native cunts.

Fuck me sideways, I am still physically repulsed by the vast amounts of food these fuckers felt obliged to pile on to their "big plate deal" plates. Endurance athletes don't need to consume that much carbohydrate in one siting let alone the 18 stone tuskers queuing into the car park for their turn at the trough.

In a bold move towards some real social engineering, I suggest arranging contracted death squads armed to the fucking teeth to descend on these places nationwide on the same Sunday and dispatch those within with extreme prejudice. Sealing the doors and windows and chucking in some VX gas would do the trick as well.  

You didn't mention it, but were you fortunate enough to have a few early onset Alzheimers pensioners remove their dentures to brutally gum their food into submission?  A welcome party trick at any gathering.

[Jiggerycock]

Cue Punkers with some yarn about grilled peacock in aspic and swan pate with truffles

Anyway, you needn't worry about social engineering, commendable though your plan undoubtedly is. Type 2 diabetes and the sclerosis-inducing effect of weekly exposure to seven portions of cheescake will probably do the trick.

Either that or the 'MRSA dips' (bought nicely to ripeness on the hot Lady Susan) that these types chuck on their nuggets and deep fried whatnottery.

[Stubby Pecker]

2 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said:

Cue Punkers with some yarn about grilled peacock in aspic and swan pate with truffles

Anyway, you needn't worry about social engineering, commendable though your plan undoubtedly is. Type 2 diabetes and the sclerosis-inducing effect of weekly exposure to seven portions of cheescake will probably do the trick.

Either that or the 'MRSA dips' (bought nicely to ripeness on the hot Lady Susan) that these types chuck on their nuggets and deep fried whatnottery.

Quite old bean. However, it costs the NHS upwards of 6 billion quid a year to deal with fat lazy gut bucket "disease" and it's cunts like thee and me who pay for it. If its self induced harm, then make the wankers and their equally irresponsible kin, pay themselves

[Cuntybaws]

Is this another of those dire "Eighties" nominations? Surely such awful fucking cuntholes don't still exist in this enlightened century?

[Decimus]

6 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Is this another of those dire "Eighties" nominations? Surely such awful fucking cuntholes don't still exist in this enlightened century?

I assumed that a Hungry Horse carvery was something that you'd only ever encounter in 21st century Britain by virtue of watching Only Fools and Horses reruns.

That was until I went to Essex recently.

[camberwell gypsy]

The first and last time I went to a carvery, I had a Yorkshire pudding that you could put a fucking plate glass window out with. Needless to say, I didn't pay. Well, if the owners don't put bars on the toilet windows that's their problem. 

David Blakely was a cunt. 

[Neil]

Any 'all you can eat' establishment should be flattened with every fat chavvy cunt still inside.I went to A chinky in Norwich one night not realising it was AYCE night,There was a carpet of rice,prawns et al and a room full of chubby low IQ cuntards.....never again