Lifestyle fitness cunts

[Eric Cuntman]

There's nothing wrong with keeping trim, but it's really not rocket science. Walk a few miles a week, eat what you fancy, but not too much, fresh veg a few times a week and the occasional session on the weights bench to keep everything where it should be.

Apparently not that simple though. A new breed of irritating, middle class imbecile is becoming more prevalent. It's got less to do with achieving physical perfection than it has being part of a fashionable lifestyle. 

First there's the 'buying equipment' phase. Heart/temperature/sweat flow monitors, space age clothing that makes you look a gay cunt and not forgetting, at least 5 annual subscriptions to magazines providing info on the benefits of acorn and squirrel shit smoothies.

which segues nicely into the biggest complaint with these cunts. I worked with one called 'Dan' once. A couple of times a week, we would have a lunchtime run to the cafe for a bacon sarnie, beautiful fresh baked bread, real butter, the bollocks. This little fucking freak never once participated, and instead, smugly popped the lid on his plastic container with little rows of carrot and celery sticks and a pot of diced apple. a diet that inevitably leads these disgusting, soulless cunts to shit and fart all day. They can shove their 'Fitbits' up their already worn out arses.

[camberwell gypsy]

The worst are the cunts that wear t-shirts that have their achievements on them -'I ran the great north marathon' ' I took part in Iron man race' etc. Who gives a fuck, I wear a Castleford Tigers shirt but you don't see me playing scrum half at the 'jungle'. 

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

For me, it's the cunts so immersed in their own shit they can't stop talking about it, referring to it, trying to recruit everybody into it, and they try to start their own health and fitness business trying to sell everybody the shit they use.  

How can you tell somebody is in a get fit stage of life....THEY'LL FUCKING TELL YOU!  On and on and bloody on, they tell you all about it in excruciating fucking detail.  They were m ore interesting before, and probably won't be again until they die.  

[Eric Cuntman]

7 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

The worst are the cunts that wear t-shirts that have their achievements on them -'I ran the great north marathon' ' I took part in Iron man race' etc. Who gives a fuck, I wear a Castleford Tigers shirt but you don't see me playing scrum half at the 'jungle'. 

It's the terminology the cunts use as well. They insist on using phrases like 'taking on fluids', rather than 'drink water', as if they're on a fucking SAS mission rather than running round a hamster wheel with 2 dozen other Asics faggots.

[scotty]

13 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It's the terminology the cunts use as well. They insist on using phrases like 'taking on fluids', rather than 'drink water', as if they're on a fucking SAS mission rather than running round a hamster wheel with 2 dozen other Asics faggots.

"Run through the pain barrier." 

Cunts. 

[camberwell gypsy]

12 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It's the terminology the cunts use as well. They insist on using phrases like 'taking on fluids', rather than 'drink water', as if they're on a fucking SAS mission rather than running round a hamster wheel with 2 dozen other Asics faggots.

Have you seen the cunts that run or walk with a 3kilo weight in each hand? What is the fucking point in that? If they used heavier weights it would just fuck their running gait up. 

[Cuntybaws]

Is @Panzerknacker dead? That would be a shame.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

3 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Is @Panzerknacker dead? That would be a shame.

If he were, I'm sure everybody here would claim responsibility.  

[Neil]

It's the cunts that carry on jogging on the spot if they have to wait at lights or crossings.Nepalm the cunts to death

[Guest Erroreptile404]

"Feel the burn"

[Guest Arthur Fuqs-Aches]

What a clear example of how scoiety is fucked up - an army of middle class types running the 'half' in a field full of rabbit shit and mud all for some family in Africa's benefit when, they don't like to mention of course, there are a multitude of good causes in Britain. Cunts - hate this country except for their own gains and egos.

[Guest Arthur Fuqs-Aches]

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

There's nothing wrong with keeping trim, but it's really not rocket science. Walk a few miles a week, eat what you fancy, but not too much, fresh veg a few times a week and the occasional session on the weights bench to keep everything where it should be.

Apparently not that simple though. A new breed of irritating, middle class imbecile is becoming more prevalent. It's got less to do with achieving physical perfection than it has being part of a fashionable lifestyle. 

First there's the 'buying equipment' phase. Heart/temperature/sweat flow monitors, space age clothing that makes you look a gay cunt and not forgetting, at least 5 annual subscriptions to magazines providing info on the benefits of acorn and squirrel shit smoothies.

which segues nicely into the biggest complaint with these cunts. I worked with one called 'Dan' once. A couple of times a week, we would have a lunchtime run to the cafe for bacon sarnie, beautiful fresh baked bread, real butter, the bollocks. This little fucking freak never once participated, and instead, smugly popped the lid on his plastic container with little rows of carrot and celery sticks and a pot of diced apple. a diet that inevitably leads to these disgusting, soulless cunts to shit and fart all day. They can shove their 'Fitbits' up their already worn out arses.

This is why you are the Corner's No.1 Eric. Spot on with the class analogy you cunt.

[camberwell gypsy]

12 minutes ago, Arthur Fuqs-Aches said:

This is why you are the Corner's No.1 Eric. Spot on with the class analogy you cunt.

Eric 'The Red' Cuntman. 

[Eric Cuntman]

17 minutes ago, Arthur Fuqs-Aches said:

This is why you are the Corner's No.1 Eric. Spot on with the class analogy you cunt.

This should be visible on the CC homepage.

[Stubby Pecker]

12 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

This should be visible on the CC homepage.

I'm not sure I like your tone

[Eric Cuntman]

27 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

I'm not sure I like your tone

Racist.

[Penny Farthing]

8 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Racist.

Is a person who unreasonably hates horse racing a racist?

[Penny Farthing]

15 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

The worst are the cunts that wear t-shirts that have their achievements on them -'I ran the great north marathon' ' I took part in Iron man race' etc. Who gives a fuck, I wear a Castleford Tigers shirt but you don't see me playing scrum half at the 'jungle'. 

@Iam Ape wear a shirt that says "Iam".

[Penny Farthing]

15 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

 keep everything where it should be.

@Earl of Punkape to take note that sticking it up M'Bele's back passage is not where it "should be".

[Jiggerycock]

Good call!

Weight training - bring it on! An hour on the cross-trainer - fine! Outdoor Swimming at a midsummer dawn or dusk - It's one of the 'greats' for me!

However, the number of 'all the gear  no idea' cunts you see cluttering up the place with their watches that tell them when to take a dump and how sclerotic their arteries now aren't, North Face gilets a-go-go, can put a real crimp in the day, especially when they start braying on about the mileage they've done and what their percentage body fat was this time last year.

In fact it's a race (see what I've done there) between Vegans, these cunts and a 16 year old girl with a boyfriend to announce these personal facts first to a shoulder-shrugging world.

[Eric Cuntman]

14 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said:

Good call!

Weight training - bring it on! An hour on the cross-trainer - fine! Outdoor Swimming at a midsummer dawn or dusk - It's one of the 'greats' for me!

However, the number of 'all the gear  no idea' cunts you see cluttering up the place with their watches that tell them when to take a dump and how sclerotic their arteries now aren't, North Face gilets a-go-go, can put a real crimp in the day, especially when they start braying on about the mileage they've done and what their percentage body fat was this time last year.

In fact it's a race (see what I've done there) between Vegans, these cunts and a 16 year old girl with a boyfriend to announce these personal facts first to a shoulder-shrugging world.

Out of likes. Fucking spot on J-Lo.

[Jiggerycock]

What's more, these cunts steadfastly refuse to take a step / stroke / turn a cog if they've forgotten their watch or their i-phone with the app that records what theyve done and their 'mindfulness' (spit!)

It's as if they cease to 'be' without the Apple Deity giving them permission to function

[camberwell gypsy]

1 hour ago, Jiggerycock said:

Good call!

Weight training - bring it on! An hour on the cross-trainer - fine! Outdoor Swimming at a midsummer dawn or dusk - It's one of the 'greats' for me!

However, the number of 'all the gear  no idea' cunts you see cluttering up the place with their watches that tell them when to take a dump and how sclerotic their arteries now aren't, North Face gilets a-go-go, can put a real crimp in the day, especially when they start braying on about the mileage they've done and what their percentage body fat was this time last year.

In fact it's a race (see what I've done there) between Vegans, these cunts and a 16 year old girl with a boyfriend to announce these personal facts first to a shoulder-shrugging world.

Had a cunt like that who lived round here. He said he used to run to work and back every day. I asked him the distance and proudly announced "7 kilometers". "Oh, so that's just 4 miles then". His face just fucking dropped. 

[Stubby Pecker]

4 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

Good call!

Weight training - bring it on! An hour on the cross-trainer - fine! Outdoor Swimming at a midsummer dawn or dusk - It's one of the 'greats' for me!

However, the number of 'all the gear  no idea' cunts you see cluttering up the place with their watches that tell them when to take a dump and how sclerotic their arteries now aren't, North Face gilets a-go-go, can put a real crimp in the day, especially when they start braying on about the mileage they've done and what their percentage body fat was this time last year.

In fact it's a race (see what I've done there) between Vegans, these cunts and a 16 year old girl with a boyfriend to announce these personal facts first to a shoulder-shrugging world.

These fuckwits make me laugh and my piss boil in equal measure.

So there's me hacking through the woods and trails on my 2003 stumpjumper with a wonky headset and 50mm at most travel in my elastomer forks, and an occasional and regrettable encounter with the urban commando dressed, super rad downhill twats on their 3 grand carbon fibre 160mm travel front and rear super bikes. Most of the time I literally cruise part these gonads like they were standing still because a). they're fat lazy cunts who ride twice a year b). they're too busy gobbing off to their equally ridiculously clothed "bros" on how super sketchy that last 5 m long "downhill" was, and c). their bikes are designed for professional riders and totally unsuited to the style of biking they do and they've been suckered into shelling out for them because they're thick as shite.

Many of these wanker have electric bike to get them to the top and even pay out for uplifts- some bloke drives them up in a 4x4, bikes in the back, thus requiring no effort, guts or character.

Don't get me started on all the Garmin GPS Strava linked power-meter shite that's deemed essential for all outdoor activities.

 

I want them all dead- impaled on a lethally sharp and sticky out branch.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

5 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

What's more, these cunts steadfastly refuse to take a step / stroke / turn a cog if they've forgotten their watch or their i-phone with the app that records what theyve done and their 'mindfulness' (spit!)

It's as if they cease to 'be' without the Apple Deity giving them permission to function

I refuse to waste my money on those apple devices until the programmers create an alert that says "you mind numbing cunt, you're taking the piss now, fuck off!"