Decimus Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 Keen scholars of the Decimus files and a certain phonophobic Scottish polymath will already be aware of my disdain for this anodyne, androgynous alpha-queer. His spunk gargled warble is a constant fixture in Mrs. D's car. Alongside Mumford and Sons and The Lumineers, he forms part of the unholy trinity of soporific shit that has so far sadly failed to send her to sleep whilst doing 60 on the A47 Now I've suffered the further indignity of having to disown my own father upon walking into his kitchen and finding him jauntily whistling 'Budapest'. Despite a thin veneer of masculinity being maintained by his greeting of "Alright, you cunt?" there's no doubt in my mind that five minutes prior to my entry to the kitchen, he had half the contents of the vegetable drawer shoved up his fucking arse. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 I go to a gym where this cunt is on loop-tape, 24/7. A few months ago it was Rita Ora and then for a while, Arana Grande and I'm pretty sure yer man Ezra is about to be usurped by Jess Glynne and that shitehawk of a ballad she's got going on. God how I hate bland pop-stars and their dull, unchallenging, market-led pop music; still, it does provide a certain manic energy to my workout Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 I fucking hate this glorified lounge singer as much as I hate Queen and fatty Williams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 9 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: I fucking hate this glorified lounge singer as much as I hate Queen and fatty Williams. How very fucking dare you! Queen prior to Bo Rhap were fucking awesome,wash your ears out woman.Post '75 You couldn't be more right.I know the cunt was always a bender but fuck me no one should be as camp as he got before Aids did us all a favour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 8, 2019 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 13 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: hate Queen and fatty Williams. Steady on you hyperbolic cunt, he's not that bad. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 The only good thing I can think to say about him is that he's marginally less ugly than Ed Sheeran. I'm off now after that observation to have myself checked for gay AIDS and/or mind-bending alien body snatching parasites. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 8, 2019 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 2 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: The only good thing I can think to say about him is that he's marginally less ugly than Ed Sheeran. I'm off now after that observation to have myself checked for gay AIDS and/or mind-bending alien body snatching parasites. Could you imagine them indulging in a scatological 69? Squeezing out nuggets of spunk encrusted shit into each others mouths, George screaming the lyrics to 'Budapest' and Ed 'Galway Girl' inbetween furious bouts of mastication. Enjoy your wank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 18 minutes ago, Neil said: How very fucking dare you! Queen prior to Bo Rhap were fucking awesome,wash your ears out woman.Post '75 You couldn't be more right.I know the cunt was always a bender but fuck me no one should be as camp as he got before Aids did us all a favour Fuck off. Don't stop me now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 7 minutes ago, Decimus said: Could you imagine them indulging in a scatological 69? Squeezing out nuggets of spunk encrusted shit into each others mouths, George screaming the lyrics to 'Budapest' and Ed 'Galway Girl' inbetween furious bouts of mastication. Enjoy your wank. I fucking hate you, that's my dinner ruined now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 Just now, Cuntybaws said: I fucking hate you, that's my dinner ruined now. Thermostat packed up on the oil vat? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 4 minutes ago, Decimus said: Could you imagine them indulging in a scatological 69? Squeezing out nuggets of spunk encrusted shit into each others mouths, George screaming the lyrics to 'Budapest' and Ed 'Galway Girl' inbetween furious bouts of mastication. Enjoy your wank. Have you been borrowing from Neil's DVD collection again? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 8, 2019 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 2 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Have you been borrowing from Neil's DVD collection again? No, I don't fancy the police battering down my door at five in the morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 5 minutes ago, Decimus said: No, I don't fancy the police battering down my door at five in the morning. What? You've never had the police smash your back doors in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 8, 2019 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 6 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: You've never had the police smash your back doors in? You must be fucking joking. You've heard about Sting's five hour tantric sex sessions I assume? I like my arsehole the way it is thank you, I've got no desire to see it end up resembling the contents of a dropped doner kebab. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 10 minutes ago, Decimus said: You must be fucking joking. You've heard about Sting's five hour tantric sex sessions I assume? I like my arsehole the way it is thank you, I've got no desire to see it end up resembling the contents of a dropped doner kebab. Herd about them? I assumed they were the driving impetus behind the original concept single 'Don't Stand So Close to Me (Unless You Want An Anus That Looks Like A Shotgun Wound On A Porpoise') - which as we all know, sadly had to be reworked and shortened on account of Punkers getting there first with his, ahem, 'boyband' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 2 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: I go to a gym where this cunt is on loop-tape, 24/7. A few months ago it was Rita Ora and then for a while, Arana Grande and I'm pretty sure yer man Ezra is about to be usurped by Jess Glynne and that shitehawk of a ballad she's got going on. God how I hate bland pop-stars and their dull, unchallenging, market-led pop music; still, it does provide a certain manic energy to my workout Digital music players and wireless headphones Jiggers. You can eliminate these effeminate fucking cunts on the house speakers with these small monetary expenditures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 41 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: Digital music players and wireless headphones Jiggers. You can eliminate these effeminate fucking cunts on the house speakers with these small monetary expenditures. Yeah - but then I fall into that part of the Venn Diagram, 'cunts that can't exercise without having to spend millions on gear and prepping it and faffing about getting ready'. Trainers, shorts vest and I'm good to go. Anything additional smacks of effete tomfoolery, in fact, Spartan that I am, I even eschew the watter bottle. Eeee it's a proper issue and no mistake. Might just let my earwax take it's natural course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 3 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: Yeah - but then I fall into that part of the Venn Diagram, 'cunts that can't exercise without having to spend millions on gear and prepping it and faffing about getting ready'. Trainers, shorts vest and I'm good to go. Anything additional smacks of effete tomfoolery, in fact, Spartan that I am, I even eschew the watter bottle. Eeee it's a proper issue and no mistake. Might just let my earwax take it's natural course. It is a better option than anything played on a house system. Of course, I would prefer allowing cockroaches to crawl into my ear canals and nest over listening to the MIDI pop computer generated shit piped over internal loudspeakers. If you would like to excplore that option, pop round Frank's bedsit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 8, 2019 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 Just now, Wizardsleeve said: It is a better option than anything played on a house system. Of course, I would prefer allowing cockroaches to crawl into my ear canals and nest over listening to the MIDI pop computer generated shit piped over internal loudspeakers. If you would like to excplore that option, pop round Frank's bedsit. Similarly, if you enjoy the absolutely terrifying screams and strangulated vocalisations of Slipknot, press your ear against the back doors of Neil's Bedford Rascal mini-van on any given Saturday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted February 8, 2019 Report Share Posted February 8, 2019 Just now, Decimus said: Similarly, if you enjoy the absolutely terrifying screams and strangulated vocalisations of Slipknot, press your ear against the back doors of Neil's Bedford Rascal mini-van on any given Saturday. I thought it got confiscated as evidence? I have given all of my likes....tried to spread them out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted February 10, 2019 Report Share Posted February 10, 2019 Uninspired pub singer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted February 10, 2019 Report Share Posted February 10, 2019 On 08/02/2019 at 16:24, Decimus said: Keen scholars of the Decimus files and a certain phonophobic Scottish polymath will already be aware of my disdain for this anodyne, androgynous alpha-queer. His spunk gargled warble is a constant fixture in Mrs. D's car. Alongside Mumford and Sons and The Lumineers, he forms part of the unholy trinity of soporific shit that has so far sadly failed to send her to sleep whilst doing 60 on the A47 Now I've suffered the further indignity of having to disown my own father upon walking into his kitchen and finding him jauntily whistling 'Budapest'. Despite a thin veneer of masculinity being maintained by his greeting of "Alright, you cunt?" there's no doubt in my mind that five minutes prior to my entry to the kitchen, he had half the contents of the vegetable drawer shoved up his fucking arse. Just wait till you hear our abortion of a Eurovision entry. If this ponce is Britain’s message to the world, then I expect a line of Russian Tanks up the Eurotunnel by Christmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
and Posted February 10, 2019 Report Share Posted February 10, 2019 On 08/02/2019 at 16:50, Jiggerycock said: still, it does provide a certain manic energy to my workout Why don't you try working up a sweat to a copy of Razzle like everybody else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Crab Posted February 10, 2019 Report Share Posted February 10, 2019 On 08/02/2019 at 16:24, Decimus said: Keen scholars of the Decimus files and a certain phonophobic Scottish polymath will already be aware of my disdain for this anodyne, androgynous alpha-queer. His spunk gargled warble is a constant fixture in Mrs. D's car. Alongside Mumford and Sons and The Lumineers, he forms part of the unholy trinity of soporific shit that has so far sadly failed to send her to sleep whilst doing 60 on the A47 Now I've suffered the further indignity of having to disown my own father upon walking into his kitchen and finding him jauntily whistling 'Budapest'. Despite a thin veneer of masculinity being maintained by his greeting of "Alright, you cunt?" there's no doubt in my mind that five minutes prior to my entry to the kitchen, he had half the contents of the vegetable drawer shoved up his fucking arse. Total agreement. Add the ginger cunt to the list goes by name Ed and struggled after he left private boarding school to get a record deal. You fucking well in cunts - and talentless fucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Khiwa Posted February 11, 2019 Report Share Posted February 11, 2019 George has that Jamie Oliver special needsy look about him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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