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Small Fortune, ITV1.


Last Cunt Standing

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The intellectual titans at ITV continue to redefine barrel-scraping shite with their latest Saturday night attempt at a game show. For the unindoctrinated, shaven headed oirish cheeky chappy twat Dermot fucks about with models, and sadly not the Lucy Pinder variety. 

Various groups of pub bores in entry shield specs then pontificate about how hard to flick a marble, with multiple practice attempts to pad the 60 minute run time. Lingering shots of nicotine-stained index fingers and tattooed callosities abound as these imbeciles hover over a tiny replica newspaper which needs flicking three inches for 50 grand. What the fuck the producers were smoking I don’t know, but I imagine they were reading Jonathan Swift. I’m already looking forward to next weeks tombola round, followed by a nerve biting guess the weight of the cake. 

I realise it’s all bread and circuses for the legions of flat-roofed pub inhabitants, but Jesus fucking Christ this is awful. 

Magnus Magnusson must be spinning in his burning longship.

 

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Guest Bill Stickers
8 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

The intellectual titans at ITV continue to redefine barrel-scraping shite with their latest Saturday night attempt at a game show. For the unindoctrinated, shaven headed oirish cheeky chappy twat Dermot fucks about with models, and sadly not the Lucy Pinder variety. 

Various groups of pub bores then pontificate about how hard to flick a marble, with multiple practice attempts to pad the 60 minute run time. What the fuck the producers were smoking I don’t know. I’m already looking forward to next weeks tombola round, followed by a nerve biting guess the weight of the cake. 

I realise it’s all bread and circuses for the legions of flat-roofed pub inhabitants, but Jesus fucking Christ this is awful. 

Magnus Magnusson must be spinning in his burning longship.

 

How on earth do you find out about this kind of shit, unless you habitually watch ITV? 

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Guest Bill Stickers
52 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Visiting the lower branches of the family tree on a farewell tour I’m afraid. Never been more glad to be out of here. 

Where are you going? Switzerland for a final treatment I hope.

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2 hours ago, The Bishop said:

Why are you afraid .. are the bums and local drug dealers chasing after you?

 

2 hours ago, The Bishop said:

\i was more hoping that LCS was moving to some place where his death will be long, painful and without hope.

 

2 hours ago, William T.D. Stickers said:

Where are you going? Switzerland for a final treatment I hope.

Thanks Gents, your warm words drip with the milk of human kindness and are most appreciated.

Get fucked. 

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13 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

 

David Mitchell is just this side of acceptable to me, though every time I see him pop up on that Call My Bluff rip off, I do wonder whether Victoria Coren Mitchell realises she married a man one tenth as funny as her father. Right before she pegs him mercilessly. 

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9 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

The intellectual titans at ITV continue to redefine barrel-scraping shite with their latest Saturday night attempt at a game show. For the unindoctrinated, shaven headed oirish cheeky chappy twat Dermot fucks about with models, and sadly not the Lucy Pinder variety. 

Various groups of pub bores in entry shield specs then pontificate about how hard to flick a marble, with multiple practice attempts to pad the 60 minute run time. Lingering shots of nicotine-stained index fingers and tattooed callosities abound as these imbeciles hover over a tiny replica newspaper which needs flicking three inches for 50 grand. What the fuck the producers were smoking I don’t know, but I imagine they were reading Jonathan Swift. I’m already looking forward to next weeks tombola round, followed by a nerve biting guess the weight of the cake. 

I realise it’s all bread and circuses for the legions of flat-roofed pub inhabitants, but Jesus fucking Christ this is awful. 

Magnus Magnusson must be spinning in his burning longship.

 

The dreaded oh so smooth Dermot is enough to make you throw up. So he finally was allowed out of the X Factor cage to go it alone. Ha ha ha! 

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1 hour ago, cooze said:

Dermot O'Leary, a Poundshop Terry Wogan!

 

1 hour ago, cooze said:

Dermot O'Leary, a Poundshop Terry Wogan!

That's where you got your cheap looking pouch. 99p.

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Guest Wizardsleeve
22 hours ago, 'eavensabove said:

Have You, ever had a windfuall? You know, a small fortune? 

She can't sell what she nicks at full retail price, Eavens.  Combine her inability to price stolen goods properly at a boot sale and the empty liquor bottles in foot space of the back seat, and it becomes clear, she will always live in poverty.  

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Guest 'eavensabove
21 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said:

She can't sell what she nicks at full retail price, Eavens.  Combine her inability to price stolen goods properly at a boot sale and the empty liquor bottles in foot space of the back seat, and it becomes clear, she will always live in poverty.  

A 'windfall' to most pikey's is a bruised apple, nicked from some cunt's orchard. They can't even be arsed to go scrumping. I'd wager that our Gyp's can knock-up a fair Strudel or a Tart tatty Tan, with a brace of cox pippin.   

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Guest Wizardsleeve
6 hours ago, 'eavensabove said:

A 'windfall' to most pikey's is a bruised apple, nicked from some cunt's orchard. They can't even be arsed to go scrumping. I'd wager that our Gyp's can knock-up a fair Strudel or a Tart tatty Tan, with a brace of cox pippin.   

I see by the time your post was written, you're still on the naughty step.  No matter, no less truth to what you say.  

On a somewhat related side note, I still want to watch Pen die a slow, excruciating, violent death.  

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6 hours ago, 'eavensabove said:

A 'windfall' to most pikey's is a bruised apple, nicked from some cunt's orchard. They can't even be arsed to go scrumping. I'd wager that our Gyp's can knock-up a fair Strudel or a Tart tatty Tan, with a brace of cox pippin.   

I can knock up a Gypsy Tart. Mind you Neil's probably knocked a few up himself. 

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Guest 'eavensabove
12 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said:

I see by the time your post was written, you're still on the naughty step.  No matter, no less truth to what you say.  

On a somewhat related side note, I still want to watch Pen die a slow, excruciating, violent death.  

Did you watch last nights New Year's fireworks? 

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