Jump to content
Donations towards site upkeep will be thankfully received and faithfully applied....
WILLY SHITTERS

Substituting Glastonbury festival for a personality

Recommended Posts

There’s nothing more irritating than hearing some pseudo-hippy say Glastonbury ‘changed their life’, and watching Coldplay on the pyramid stage was a ‘transcendental experience’

How fucking shit was your life before ‘glasto’, if lying in a farm resembling the Somme, listening to irrelevant shitty indie bands after a few tokes of shitty soapbar is the peak of it?

There’s a Glastonbury Facebook group full of thousands of these idiots, planning morning yoga classes and packing their wellies, novelty camping chairs and Prosecco three months in advance.

They’ll wear the wristbands for years to come, and bore everyone with interminable anecdotes about listening to Bob Geldof warbling on stage in some kind of 1969 battle re-enactment.

I’ve enjoyed a lot of festivals over the years,  and some of my best war stories involve tripping my box off at them, but glasto is a cross section of all society’s cunts all gathered in one place. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, WILLY SHITTERS said:

There’s nothing more irritating than hearing some pseudo-hippy say Glastonbury ‘changed their life’, and watching Coldplay on the pyramid stage was a ‘transcendental experience’

How fucking shit was your life before ‘glasto’, if lying in a farm resembling the Somme, listening to irrelevant shitty indie bands after a few tokes of shitty soapbar is the peak of it?

There’s a Glastonbury Facebook group full of thousands of these idiots, planning morning yoga classes and packing their wellies, novelty camping chairs and Prosecco three months in advance.

They’ll wear the wristbands for years to come, and bore everyone with interminable anecdotes about listening to Bob Geldof warbling on stage in some kind of 1969 battle re-enactment.

I’ve enjoyed a lot of festivals over the years,  and some of my best war stories involve tripping my box off at them, but glasto is a cross section of all society’s cunts all gathered in one place. 

Off your head on poppers at gay pride?

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My best fesitval experience was hurling bottles of piss at The Tygers of Pan Tang (Reading, c.1984 - trust me, they deserved it!)

Fair enough, if, like most of us, you have to take it from 'The Man' (not in a Punkers way) 50-odd weeks of the year, then I suppose sitting in a field, ripped to the tits on whatever you choose whilst watching a few dots on a stage half-a-mile away is some kind of antidote but like our friend says, these cunts do shite on about it endlessly.

Personally, if I'm not right up in the lead singer's grill, sweating like a sumo, in a shitty little club somewhere, whilst some whippet-thin plank-spankers crank out some righteous rock n' roll at Spinal Tap eleven, then it's not really cutting it for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
38 minutes ago, Eddie said:

Off your head on poppers at gay pride?

Based on this response I can only assume you were sacked from your apprentice role at fatty’s car wash, and have taken up full time employment as punkape’s understudy?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, WILLY SHITTERS said:

There’s nothing more irritating than hearing some pseudo-hippy say Glastonbury ‘changed their life’, and watching Coldplay on the pyramid stage was a ‘transcendental experience’

How fucking shit was your life before ‘glasto’, if lying in a farm resembling the Somme, listening to irrelevant shitty indie bands after a few tokes of shitty soapbar is the peak of it?

There’s a Glastonbury Facebook group full of thousands of these idiots, planning morning yoga classes and packing their wellies, novelty camping chairs and Prosecco three months in advance.

They’ll wear the wristbands for years to come, and bore everyone with interminable anecdotes about listening to Bob Geldof warbling on stage in some kind of 1969 battle re-enactment.

I’ve enjoyed a lot of festivals over the years,  and some of my best war stories involve tripping my box off at them, but glasto is a cross section of all society’s cunts all gathered in one place.

Did you consider your target audience when thrashing this out?

Considering the average age on here is in the mid-fifties, I imagine that half of them are going to be there this year wearing ill fitting Harvest Moon t-shirts and droning on about Woodstock, and the other half are currently busy shushing Jeremy Vine on Radio 2 whenever he goes above a whisper.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My next door neighbours left at 3:30 this morning for it. I know because I heard the two toddlers being bundled screaming into the back of their shitty Fiat Panda. "No mummy don't want to go. Dont want to go". Poor little bastards.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
31 minutes ago, WILLY SHITTERS said:

Based on this response I can only assume you were sacked from your apprentice role at fatty’s car wash, and have taken up full time employment as punkape’s understudy?

How life at the top Bill? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, WILLY SHITTERS said:

Erecting a low-end Homebase shed in Fatty’s garden doesn’t count as a leasehold. 

Answer the question. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
37 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Did you consider your target audience when thrashing this out?

Considering the average age on here is in the mid-fifties, I imagine that half of them are going to be there this year wearing ill fitting Harvest Moon t-shirts and droning on about Woodstock, and the other half are currently busy shushing Jeremy Vine on Radio 2 whenever he goes above a whisper.

Imagine how insufferable RickB would be at Glastonbury, walking around in the sun like a shimmering ape, so rock hard over someone playing a vintage Stratocaster he has to crack one out in the portaloos.

And don’t get me started on steeley Dan, standing near the drum and bass tent declaring loudly ‘its not real music because it hasn’t got instruments in it’

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
32 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

My next door neighbours left at 3:30 this morning for it. I know because I heard the two toddlers being bundled screaming into the back of their shitty Fiat Panda. "No mummy don't want to go. Dont want to go". Poor little bastards.

Thank you for your topical response. Did you report her to social services? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, WILLY SHITTERS said:

Thank you for your topical response. Did you report her to social services? 

No, she waited 20 minutes and burgled her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, WILLY SHITTERS said:

I’m not dignifying the sordid proposal you PM’d me during my absence with a response.

Be gone. 

At least you have your very own front door, living the dream. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, WILLY SHITTERS said:

Thank you for your topical response. Did you report her to social services? 

The mum IS a social worker. Vegan, middle class fuckheads of the highest order. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, Eddie said:

At least you have your very own front door, living the dream. 

We can’t all be astronauts Eddie. Glad you’ve realised your dream though.

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRdqXQT3roae3spcV9vfaY

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, WILLY SHITTERS said:

It’s a Stickers HOT TOPIC!

Have you seen the shit that Frank is churning out these days? I think that there's one post of his, left from 2014 that I will plagiarise. After that, I've no further use for the cunt.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Eddie said:

door.jpg

This looks like a place where the poor lonely cunt who lived there dies, and nobody fucking notices.  They're found on a blazing July day,  heating full on, Christmas tree in the corner and their mummified body propped up in front of the TV with a copy of the Christmas Radio Times from 3 years previously. "Last time I saw Mr Kleftiko was a few years back, emptying his crappy kitchen bin over the pavement. When I told him not to, he called me an idiot and slammed the door. I thought he'd had gone away on his yacht he told me he had moored in Monte Carlo" his neighbour said yesterday. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
27 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

This looks like a place where the poor lonely cunt who lived there dies, and nobody fucking notices.  They're found on a blazing July day,  heating full on, Christmas tree in the corner and their mummified body propped up in front of the TV with a copy of the Christmas Radio Times from 3 years previously. "Last time I saw Mr Kleftiko was a few years back, emptying his crappy kitchen bin over the pavement. When I told him not to, he called me an idiot and slammed the door. I thought he'd had gone away on his yacht he told me he had moored in Monte Carlo" his neighbour said yesterday. 

It looks like the jewel in the South London crown, Thamesmead. Offering views and aromas from the sewage treatment plant and illegal gypsy camp, which are adjacent.

I'm not OCD, but if some cunt doesn't centralise that doormat, I'm going to go fucking spazmonkey.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...