Decimus Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 Having a birthday in January is shit enough without some pretentious wanker raising my blood pressure, but after perusing the online lunch menu of the establishment Mrs D. is taking me to today, I find myself fucking enraged. I'll set the scene first. I'm talking about a pub in Cromer, a nice pub, and fairly upmarket, but still just a pub. In fucking Cromer. Anyway, my temple started twitching in anger as soon as I saw that the website menu had an introduction from the chef, mainly talking about how fantastic and "innovative he is". At this stage, I'm already convinced he's a cunt and have decided to tell Mrs. D to find somewhere else. The deal was sealed when I checked out the steak options, and each separate cut will only be cooked in the way the chef recommends. Sirloin will be served "pink" and rib-eye will never be served pink, but at all times will be prepared "medium to well-done". Who does this prick think he is? He's cooking cheap meat in a shitty pub kitchen, not preparing finest wagyu beef at fucking Claridges. I'm a fully grown man and I know what I like and I demand to have the choice to have a steak cooked however the fuck I want it cooked. Shove it up your arse, Jerome, you self-aggrandising little cunt. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 10 minutes ago, Decimus said: Shove it up your arse, Jerome, you self-aggrandising little cunt. It's Jermaine, actually. I'm hacked in to their CCTV system now, and will be watching out for you. I recommend the lamb. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 4, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 10 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: It's Jermaine, actually. I'm hacked in to their CCTV system now, and will be watching out for you. I recommend the lamb. I'll be wearing a carnation and Mrs D. will be sporting a black eye. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 3 minutes ago, Decimus said: I'll be wearing a carnation and Mrs D. will be sporting a black eye. Luckily, "Dog's are welcome!", although I wouldn't personally take one to an establishment that included an apostrophe in the sentence advertising that fact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 1 hour ago, Decimus said: Having a birthday in January is shit enough without some pretentious wanker raising my blood pressure, but after perusing the online lunch menu of the establishment Mrs D. is taking me to today, I find myself fucking enraged. I'll set the scene first. I'm talking about a pub in Cromer, a nice pub, and fairly upmarket, but still just a pub. In fucking Cromer. Anyway, my temple started twitching in anger as soon as I saw that the website menu had an introduction from the chef, mainly talking about how fantastic and "innovative he is". At this stage, I'm already convinced he's a cunt and have decided to tell Mrs. D to find somewhere else. The deal was sealed when I checked out the steak options, and each separate cut will only be cooked in the way the chef recommends. Sirloin will be served "pink" and rib-eye will never be served pink, but at all times will be prepared "medium to well-done". Who does this prick think he is? He's cooking cheap meat in a shitty pub kitchen, not preparing finest wagyu beef at fucking Claridges. I'm a fully grown man and I know what I like and I demand to have the choice to have a steak cooked however the fuck I want it cooked. Shove it up your arse, Jerome, you self-aggrandising little cunt. Rip off restaurants in general, I do like taking a girl up the OXO tower, however i digress, I once visited the oxo tower restaurant, having not eaten breakfast I was Hank Marvin, anyway went for the pork belly, imagining the lump of cheap fatty meat with crackling heading my way. When served it was the size of a matchbox with a silly offering of crackling perched on top. The master chef had dribbled some shit around the fancy plate and that was it. Fucking disgrace, hence a burger from the tea hut in Blackheath on the way home. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 I am assuming I have looked at the correct gaff. In the website’s gallery there are various pictures of mangy mutts sitting on furniture in the rooms. Filthy cunts. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
and Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 45 minutes ago, Eddie said: The master chef had dribbled some shit around the fancy plate You should have got that tested for his D.N.A. and/or AIDS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 6 minutes ago, Joker said: You should have got that tested for his D.N.A. and/or AIDS. DNA.......did not appen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 2 hours ago, Decimus said: Having a birthday in January is shit enough without some pretentious wanker raising my blood pressure, but after perusing the online lunch menu of the establishment Mrs D. is taking me to today, I find myself fucking enraged. I'll set the scene first. I'm talking about a pub in Cromer, a nice pub, and fairly upmarket, but still just a pub. In fucking Cromer. Anyway, my temple started twitching in anger as soon as I saw that the website menu had an introduction from the chef, mainly talking about how fantastic and "innovative he is". At this stage, I'm already convinced he's a cunt and have decided to tell Mrs. D to find somewhere else. The deal was sealed when I checked out the steak options, and each separate cut will only be cooked in the way the chef recommends. Sirloin will be served "pink" and rib-eye will never be served pink, but at all times will be prepared "medium to well-done". Who does this prick think he is? He's cooking cheap meat in a shitty pub kitchen, not preparing finest wagyu beef at fucking Claridges. I'm a fully grown man and I know what I like and I demand to have the choice to have a steak cooked however the fuck I want it cooked. Shove it up your arse, Jerome, you self-aggrandising little cunt. Is the chief French? They often "tell" people how to chose their steak option by waving a cleaver in the craniosacral region. Fuck them. You have every right to have it blended, if preferred so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 1 minute ago, White Cunt said: Is the chief French? They often "tell" people how to chose their steak option by waving a cleaver in the craniosacral region. Fuck them. You have every right to have it blended, if preferred so. If he’s French he’s more likely to be found waving his cock around in the mens rear end region. I wouldn’t put anything the filthy cunt had cooked in my mouth. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 2 hours ago, Decimus said: Having a birthday in January is shit enough without some pretentious wanker raising my blood pressure, but after perusing the online lunch menu of the establishment Mrs D. is taking me to today, I find myself fucking enraged. I'll set the scene first. I'm talking about a pub in Cromer, a nice pub, and fairly upmarket, but still just a pub. In fucking Cromer. Anyway, my temple started twitching in anger as soon as I saw that the website menu had an introduction from the chef, mainly talking about how fantastic and "innovative he is". At this stage, I'm already convinced he's a cunt and have decided to tell Mrs. D to find somewhere else. The deal was sealed when I checked out the steak options, and each separate cut will only be cooked in the way the chef recommends. Sirloin will be served "pink" and rib-eye will never be served pink, but at all times will be prepared "medium to well-done". Who does this prick think he is? He's cooking cheap meat in a shitty pub kitchen, not preparing finest wagyu beef at fucking Claridges. I'm a fully grown man and I know what I like and I demand to have the choice to have a steak cooked however the fuck I want it cooked. Shove it up your arse, Jerome, you self-aggrandising little cunt. Sounds like a divorce is on the cards if she’s taking you to The Red Lion. They have fish fingers on the menu for fucks sake. Call in for a stick of rock and wave it at her menacingly on the way home is my advice. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunty BigBollox Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 4 hours ago, Cuntybaws said: It's Jermaine, actually. I'm hacked in to their CCTV system now, and will be watching out for you. I recommend the lamb. Jermaine isn't his real name its Wayne, which, coincidentally is also how he makes the Tartare Sauce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 4 hours ago, King Billy said: If he’s French he’s more likely to be found waving his cock around in the men's rear end region. I wouldn’t put anything the filthy cunt had cooked in my mouth. The sous-chef is from Pakistan. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but it will probably be construed as racist despite being infinitely better than being French. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 I think Decs should be fucking grateful that his other half took him to a half decent pub,if I was married to the cunt he'd be lucky if he got left over chips and a sachet of ketchup.Happy Birthday you naaaaarfuk toss pot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 4, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 37 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: The sous-chef is from Pakistan. And there was me blaming the smell on the dogs! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest N/A Posted January 7, 2020 Report Share Posted January 7, 2020 On 04/01/2020 at 10:48, Decimus said: Having a birthday in January is shit enough without some pretentious wanker raising my blood pressure, but after perusing the online lunch menu of the establishment Mrs D. is taking me to today, I find myself fucking enraged. I'll set the scene first. I'm talking about a pub in Cromer, a nice pub, and fairly upmarket, but still just a pub. In fucking Cromer. Anyway, my temple started twitching in anger as soon as I saw that the website menu had an introduction from the chef, mainly talking about how fantastic and "innovative he is". At this stage, I'm already convinced he's a cunt and have decided to tell Mrs. D to find somewhere else. The deal was sealed when I checked out the steak options, and each separate cut will only be cooked in the way the chef recommends. Sirloin will be served "pink" and rib-eye will never be served pink, but at all times will be prepared "medium to well-done". Who does this prick think he is? He's cooking cheap meat in a shitty pub kitchen, not preparing finest wagyu beef at fucking Claridges. I'm a fully grown man and I know what I like and I demand to have the choice to have a steak cooked however the fuck I want it cooked. Shove it up your arse, Jerome, you self-aggrandising little cunt. I feel the same when Mohamed does me a pink rare Big Mac and fries. He’s such a pretentious cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted January 8, 2020 Report Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) On 04/01/2020 at 10:48, Decimus said: Having a birthday in January is shit enough without some pretentious wanker raising my blood pressure, but after perusing the online lunch menu of the establishment Mrs D. is taking me to today, I find myself fucking enraged. I'll set the scene first. I'm talking about a pub in Cromer, a nice pub, and fairly upmarket, but still just a pub. In fucking Cromer. Anyway, my temple started twitching in anger as soon as I saw that the website menu had an introduction from the chef, mainly talking about how fantastic and "innovative he is". At this stage, I'm already convinced he's a cunt and have decided to tell Mrs. D to find somewhere else. The deal was sealed when I checked out the steak options, and each separate cut will only be cooked in the way the chef recommends. Sirloin will be served "pink" and rib-eye will never be served pink, but at all times will be prepared "medium to well-done". Who does this prick think he is? He's cooking cheap meat in a shitty pub kitchen, not preparing finest wagyu beef at fucking Claridges. I'm a fully grown man and I know what I like and I demand to have the choice to have a steak cooked however the fuck I want it cooked. Shove it up your arse, Jerome, you self-aggrandising little cunt. I was going to tell you about how I fucked Holly Willoughby, or however you spell it, on Saturday but it’s so long ago i’ve forgotten about it. 😁 Edited January 8, 2020 by Mrs Roops Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted January 8, 2020 Report Share Posted January 8, 2020 Jambon du Gloucestershire Old Spot en pain rustique, avec 'la sauce Daddie'.......chips beans and char - and none of that fucking guacomole shit either! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted January 8, 2020 Report Share Posted January 8, 2020 5 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: Jambon du Gloucestershire Old Spot en pain rustique, avec 'la sauce Daddie'.......chips beans and char - and none of that fucking guacomole shit either! Un digit de poisson avec sauce rouge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted January 8, 2020 Report Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) On 04/01/2020 at 10:48, Decimus said: Having a birthday in January is shit enough without some pretentious wanker raising my blood pressure, but after perusing the online lunch menu of the establishment Mrs D. is taking me to today, I find myself fucking enraged. I'll set the scene first. I'm talking about a pub in Cromer, a nice pub, and fairly upmarket, but still just a pub. In fucking Cromer. Anyway, my temple started twitching in anger as soon as I saw that the website menu had an introduction from the chef, mainly talking about how fantastic and "innovative he is". At this stage, I'm already convinced he's a cunt and have decided to tell Mrs. D to find somewhere else. The deal was sealed when I checked out the steak options, and each separate cut will only be cooked in the way the chef recommends. Sirloin will be served "pink" and rib-eye will never be served pink, but at all times will be prepared "medium to well-done". Who does this prick think he is? He's cooking cheap meat in a shitty pub kitchen, not preparing finest wagyu beef at fucking Claridges. I'm a fully grown man and I know what I like and I demand to have the choice to have a steak cooked however the fuck I want it cooked. Shove it up your arse, Jerome, you self-aggrandising little cunt. When in Cromer it’s Crab. Beef is always served rare. Edited January 8, 2020 by Mrs Roops Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 8, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Earl of Punkape said: When in Cromer it’s Crab. Beef is always served rare. If you paid attention, you'd note that he suggests rib eye shouldn't be served rare. Edited January 8, 2020 by Mrs Roops Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted January 8, 2020 Report Share Posted January 8, 2020 2 hours ago, Earl of Punkape said: When in Cromer it’s Crab. Beef is always served rare. Henry Blogg was a one man erotic inferno. Scaffolding could erect itself when that fucker walked past 💄 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted January 8, 2020 Report Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Decimus said: If you paid attention, you'd note that he suggests rib eye shouldn't be served rare. Why didn’t you order crab in Cromer ? It’s famous for crab and you go to a faggoty pub and complain about the beef on offer. Edited January 8, 2020 by Mrs Roops Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 8, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Earl of Punkape said: Why didn’t you order crab in Cromer ? It’s famous for crab and you go to a faggoty pub and complain about the beef on offer. Where did I say I ordered beef off the menu? Edited January 8, 2020 by Mrs Roops Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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