Cunts who stockpile toilet rolls and pasta

[camberwell gypsy]

52 minutes ago, Cunt-End Of The World said:

A staff briefing? At fucking Kwiksave! Which big cheese chaired the meeting? Janet from the dairy aisle?

I should imagine there's fuck all in kwiksave anyway. I popped into my local Sainsbury's and it was like being in 1970s Soviet Kiev. Fucked up my shoplifting itinerary I can tell you. 

[Guest President Trump]

Plenty of blunt tools in here.

Shop every day for a month is about 30 chances of some filthy cunt coughing and sneezing on you in the mart. Shop once a month and you only risk the dirty fucks once.

[King Billy]

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I should imagine there's fuck all in kwiksave anyway. I popped into my local Sainsbury's and it was like being in 1970s Soviet Kiev. Fucked up my shoplifting itinerary I can tell you. 

That’s the beauty of toilet rolls. They never think any cunt will nick them.

[White Cunt]

2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I should imagine there's fuck all in kwiksave anyway. I popped into my local Sainsbury's and it was like being in 1970s Soviet Kiev. Fucked up my shoplifting itinerary I can tell you. 

My co-op looked ok today.

[King Billy]

Just now, White Cunt said:

My co-op looked ok today.

You’ve spelled cock wrong and forgot to put didn’t in.

[White Cunt]

2 minutes ago, King Billy said:

You’ve spelled cock wrong and forgot to put didn’t in.

Ta. I will pour some disinfectant on it once I get home.

[Stubby Pecker]

3 hours ago, White Cunt said:

Ta. I will pour some disinfectant on it once I get home.

Wire brush a dettol lad, your dirty little cunt and don't spare the elbow grease. Have a go at yer ringer whilst you're down there

[King Billy]

Just now, Stubby Pecker said:

Wire brush a dettol lad, your dirty little cunt and don't spare the elbow grease. Have a go at yer ringer whilst you're down there

Five quid and the Albanian modern day slaves, sorry immigrant staff who benefit our country will pressure wash his sack back and arse crack. And shine the whole lot to a mirror finish and even hang a Christmas tree air freshener on his knob before sending him on his way.

[White Cunt]

33 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Five quid and the Albanian modern day slaves, sorry immigrant staff who benefit our country will pressure wash his sack back and arse crack. And shine the whole lot to a mirror finish and even hang a Christmas tree air freshener on his knob before sending him on his way.

Is waxing included? Might as well get the best value for a fiver.

[Guest judgetwi]

Imagine a bloke, in Sainsbury’s car park loading untold bog rolls or whatever into his motor. Ask him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing and he’ll probably tell you “ looking after my family mate, ‘cos no other cunt is going to”. Yes he is told not to panic and there is plenty for everyone by the politicians, the very same cunts who have lied to him ten thousand times before. Add to that the doom and gloom from the Anti British Broadcasting Corporation, just because their man Jezza got his arse kicked, and  suddenly his behaviour doesn’t seem so irrational after all.

And there, my friends, is the moral dilemma.

[ratcum]

54 minutes ago, judgetwi said:

Imagine a bloke, in Sainsbury’s car park loading untold bog rolls or whatever into his motor. Ask him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing and he’ll probably tell you “ looking after my family mate, ‘cos no other cunt is going to”. Yes he is told not to panic and there is plenty for everyone by the politicians, the very same cunts who have lied to him ten thousand times before. Add to that the doom and gloom from the Anti British Broadcasting Corporation, just because their man Jezza got his arse kicked, and  suddenly his behaviour doesn’t seem so irrational after all.

And there, my friends, is the moral dilemma.

There's much in what you say Jewdy.

112 words in fact

[Guest Ollyboro]

2 hours ago, judgetwi said:

Imagine a bloke, in Sainsbury’s car park loading untold bog rolls or whatever into his motor. Ask him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing and he’ll probably tell you “ looking after my family mate, ‘cos no other cunt is going to”. Yes he is told not to panic and there is plenty for everyone by the politicians, the very same cunts who have lied to him ten thousand times before. Add to that the doom and gloom from the Anti British Broadcasting Corporation, just because their man Jezza got his arse kicked, and  suddenly his behaviour doesn’t seem so irrational after all.

And there, my friends, is the moral dilemma.

Doesn't explain why this imaginary bloke is hoarding shithouse paper. Unless he's planning to isolate his entire family and spend the whole time masturbating. Not only is shitting yourself not a symptom of IT, do the maths. How many sheets of tummy wipes do you get in the average roll? I'm sure it's 80. Now, I'm a two sheets per wipe type of guy; four wipes per shite, with maybe an extra wipe for under seat splattage. Say 2 shits a day - that means a single roll should last me four days. A twenty four pack should give a nuclear family nearly a week's worth of carefree shitting. So even if Joe Cunt doesn't believe a word the government tells him about stockpiling shit roll, basic maths should tell him that buying hundreds of toilet rolls is fucking ludicrous. These cunts aren't stockpiling toilet rolls because they don't trust the government (as logical as not trusting a demonstrable liar is), but because they're stupendously thick. Carol fucking Vorderman(sp?) could tell them that.

[Eric Cuntman]

11 minutes ago, Ollyboro said:

Doesn't explain why this imaginary bloke is hoarding shithouse paper. Unless he's planning to isolate his entire family and spend the whole time masturbating. Not only is shitting yourself not a symptom of IT, do the maths. How many sheets of tummy wipes do you get in the average roll? I'm sure it's 80. Now, I'm a two sheets per wipe type of guy; four wipes per shite, with maybe an extra wipe for under seat splattage. Say 2 shits a day - that means a single roll should last me four days. A twenty four pack should give a nuclear family nearly a week's worth of carefree shitting. So even if Joe Cunt doesn't believe a word the government tells him about stockpiling shit roll, basic maths should tell him that buying hundreds of toilet rolls is fucking ludicrous. These cunts aren't stockpiling toilet rolls because they don't trust the government (as logical as not trusting a demonstrable liar is), but because they're stupendously thick. Carol fucking Vorderman(sp?) could tell them that.

Don't forget that when the paper runs out, you can dent the cardboard tube into a V shape and use it like a snow plough. 

Or make a space rocket if you're Leslie Judd.

[nocti]

39 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Don't forget that when the paper runs out, you can dent the cardboard tube into a V shape and use it like a snow plough. 

Or make a space rocket if you're Leslie Judd.

If you push the end of the empty tube up into your crevice and position the diameter of the circle around your dump valve, it could act as both a gromit/buffer and a sort of piping instrument that may actually alleviate the need for much wiping at all. Hypothetically, like.

[Eric Cuntman]

52 minutes ago, nocti said:

If you push the end of the empty tube up into your crevice and position the diameter of the circle around your dump valve, it could act as both a gromit/buffer and a sort of piping instrument that may actually alleviate the need for much wiping at all. Hypothetically, like.

That's fucking brilliant! That spacky cunt Hawking was shit at science compared to you. 

[King Billy]

7 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Don't forget that when the paper runs out, you can dent the cardboard tube into a V shape and use it like a snow plough. 

Or make a space rocket if you're Leslie Judd.

Or use it to snort the bag of Charlie you were taking to your brothers wedding on Saturday, (now cancelled) in one massive blast. Yeehah!

[nocti]

5 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

That's fucking brilliant! That spacky cunt Hawking was shit at science compared to you. 

Cheers EC. I don't really like to speak ill of the dead, but he was a bit of a fucking thick cunt. He was always looking in black holes, and I can tell you just from looking at a picture of one that there's fuck all in it; and I haven't got any robotic parts.

[Penny Farthing]

17 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I should imagine there's fuck all in kwiksave anyway. I popped into my local Sainsbury's and it was like being in 1970s Soviet Kiev. Fucked up my shoplifting itinerary I can tell you. 

Did your mum go to Iceland?

[King Billy]

7 hours ago, nocti said:

Cheers EC. I don't really like to speak ill of the dead, but he was a bit of a fucking thick cunt. He was always looking in black holes, and I can tell you just from looking at a picture of one that there's fuck all in it; and I haven't got any robotic parts.

I saw Obama presenting him with a medal on tele a while back It looked like a Jim l fix it medallion.I remember thinking “Where’s he going to hang that? The cunts got no neck.

[Cunty BigBollox]

It gives me a comforting feeling inside to think that all those Ethiopians the UK have helped out in the past might consider holding some sort of benefit gig fund raiser to send some cash back here to help us out with now that we're in a bit of a pickle.

[camberwell gypsy]

2 hours ago, King Billy said:

I saw Obama presenting him with a medal on tele a while back It looked like a Jim l fix it medallion.I remember thinking “Where’s he going to hang that? The cunts got no neck.

That's why Clive Anderson, Sandie Toksvig and Gladstone Small didn't get one.

[camberwell gypsy]

13 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

It gives me a comforting feeling inside to think that all those Ethiopians the UK have helped out in the past might consider holding some sort of benefit gig fund raiser to send some cash back here to help us out with now that we're in a bit of a pickle.

'Bit of a pickle'! So fucking British that. So when the nazi hordes invaded Poland, Mr Hitler bowled us a googly? 

[Cuntybaws]

36 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

It gives me a comforting feeling inside to think that all those Ethiopians the UK have helped out in the past might consider holding some sort of benefit gig fund raiser to send some cash back here to help us out with now that we're in a bit of a pickle.

Do they know it's Timkat time at home?

[King Billy]

3 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

It gives me a comforting feeling inside to think that all those Ethiopians the UK have helped out in the past might consider holding some sort of benefit gig fund raiser to send some cash back here to help us out with now that we're in a bit of a pickle.

I paid for some of those flies the greedy fat bellied cunts have been getting fat on for years.

Bob Geldof is a megacunt.

[nocti]

6 hours ago, King Billy said:

I saw Obama presenting him with a medal on tele a while back It looked like a Jim l fix it medallion.I remember thinking “Where’s he going to hang that? The cunts got no neck.

He used to have one. Every picture he was in showed him chewing the fucker.