Last Cunt Standing Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 Well in a sign of our increasingly desperate times, Old Liz has been rolled out from her Fuhrer Bunker under the Chancellry Gardens, also known as St George’s Chapel, to fix us all with a steely TV glare to get us through the peak of the death curve. In a pre-recorded statement, Brenda will speak to the Commonwealth and likely trot out the same out hackneyed bollocks while, in keeping with the mood of the nation, she sits on the sofa in her pyjamas idly picking her feet. Early contenders for bullshit bingo: 1. National Crisis 2. The War 3. My family and I 4. The NHS 5. Spirit/resolve/determination 6. Grief And loss 7. Brighter days to come Then follows a rousing chorus of Rule Britannia, mass forelock tugging, and off to bed trying hard to remember it’s not Christmas Day and you don’t need to polish off the sprouts like you do every year after The Queen. I hope Charles does a Pidgin Version, we may as well die laughing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 The Queen? I thought Laura Kuenssberg was, de facto, in charge now given a) parliamentary democracy is now dead and b) she seems to have launched an effortless coup d'etat given the sanctimonious 'gotcha' crap she keeps coming out with at the daily press conference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunty BigBollox Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 8. Ginger. 9. Canada. 10. Annus. 11. Horribilus. 12. Expelliarmus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 43 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: The Queen? I thought Laura Kuenssberg was, de facto, in charge now given a) parliamentary democracy is now dead and b) she seems to have launched an effortless coup d'etat given the sanctimonious 'gotcha' crap she keeps coming out with at the daily press conference. Laura Fucking Kuenssberg? She attended one of the elite Private Schools for Young Sluts in the west end of my home town. From what I gather from my less than salubrious sources, she has a cunt like a flattened ghillie's wader. It'd be akin to fucking an abandoned chest freezer full of defrosted economy brand pizzas...minus the bacterial vaginosis, obviously. Nick Robinson's a cunt. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 3 hours ago, Rev said: ...she has a cunt like a flattened ghillie's wader. A bit too tight for us well hung Hielan' laddies then, eh? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said: Well in a sign of our increasingly desperate times, Old Liz has been rolled out from her Fuhrer Bunker under the Chancellry Gardens, also known as St George’s Chapel, to fix us all with a steely TV glare to get us through the peak of the death curve. In a pre-recorded statement, Brenda will speak to the Commonwealth and likely trot out the same out hackneyed bollocks while, in keeping with the mood of the nation, she sits on the sofa in her pyjamas idly picking her feet. Early contenders for bullshit bingo: 1. National Crisis 2. The War 3. My family and I 4. The NHS 5. Spirit/resolve/determination 6. Grief And loss 7. Brighter days to come Then follows a rousing chorus of Rule Britannia, mass forelock tugging, and off to bed trying hard to remember it’s not Christmas Day and you don’t need to polish off the sprouts like you do every year after The Queen. I hope Charles does a Pidgin Version, we may as well die laughing. 1. A new recipe for Victoria Sponge 2. Arthritis 3. Depression 4. Virus-proofing windows 5. New butlers - replacement of dead butlers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said: I hope Charles does a Pidgin Version, we may as well die laughing. "And now over to Meghan in California, who has apparently contracted both AIDS and COVID-19 simultaneously after a casting couch session gone terribly wrong". #MeToo, #FuckingSlag, 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 1 hour ago, Rev said: Laura Fucking Kuenssberg? She attended one of the elite Private Schools for Young Sluts in the west end of my home town. From what I gather from my less than salubrious sources, she has a cunt like a flattened ghillie's wader. It'd be akin to fucking an abandoned chest freezer full of defrosted economy brand pizzas...minus the bacterial vaginosis, obviously. Nick Robinson's a cunt. There are no elite private schools in Glasgow or anywhere near it. Eton is still a destination for the Glaswegian elite along with Fettes, Loretto and Edinburgh Academy. Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 33 minutes ago, Earl of Punkape said: There are no elite private schools in Glasgow or anywhere near it. Eton is still a destination for the Glaswegian elite along with Fettes, Loretto and Edinburgh Academy. Fuck off. An elite school in Glasgow means it has some unbroken windows, at least a partial roof and a functioning electricity and water supply. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cunt-End Of The World Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 3 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said: Well in a sign of our increasingly desperate times, Old Liz has been rolled out from her Fuhrer Bunker under the Chancellry Gardens, also known as St George’s Chapel, to fix us all with a steely TV glare to get us through the peak of the death curve. In a pre-recorded statement, Brenda will speak to the Commonwealth and likely trot out the same out hackneyed bollocks while, in keeping with the mood of the nation, she sits on the sofa in her pyjamas idly picking her feet. Early contenders for bullshit bingo: 1. National Crisis 2. The War 3. My family and I 4. The NHS 5. Spirit/resolve/determination 6. Grief And loss 7. Brighter days to come Then follows a rousing chorus of Rule Britannia, mass forelock tugging, and off to bed trying hard to remember it’s not Christmas Day and you don’t need to polish off the sprouts like you do every year after The Queen. I hope Charles does a Pidgin Version, we may as well die laughing. Maybe she'll finally take that mask off and speak the reptilian Ganymede language. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 3 minutes ago, Cunt-End Of The World said: Maybe she'll finally take that mask off and speak the reptilian Ganymede language. Or in her native German Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cunt-End Of The World Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 2 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Or in her native German Yeah, reptilian Ganymede language. German. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 2 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said: 8. Ginger. 9. Canada. 10. Annus. 11. Horribilus. 12. Expelliarmus. 13. Decimus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 42 minutes ago, King Billy said: An elite school in Glasgow means it has some unbroken windows, at least a partial roof and a functioning electricity and water supply. And no Catholics! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 all sorts of spackers are coming out of the woodwork over this virus shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 18 hours ago, ratcum said: all sorts of spackers are coming out of the woodwork over this virus shit It's like watching, say, the Dressage at the Olympics. Everyone's an instant expert Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
and Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 19 hours ago, ratcum said: all sorts of spackers are coming out of the woodwork over this virus shit The cunt Beckham has apparently shaved his head, hopefully in readiness for his trip to a concentration camp, I can hardly wait for those pictures to appear on his Instagram account (his gold teeth should be worth a few bob too, as a donation for the NHS) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted April 4, 2020 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 5 minutes ago, Joker said: The cunt Beckham has apparently shaved his head, hopefully in readiness for his trip to a concentration camp, I can hardly wait for those pictures to appear on his Instagram account (his gold teeth should be worth a few bob too, as a donation for the NHS) His wife might be sent to Kanada given she’s got needlework skills and the Selection officer might want a curiosity fuck. I fear she wouldn’t last long mind, stripes are sooo last year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 19 minutes ago, Joker said: The cunt Beckham has apparently shaved his head, hopefully in readiness for his trip to a concentration camp, I can hardly wait for those pictures to appear on his Instagram account (his gold teeth should be worth a few bob too, as a donation for the NHS) He is one fucking publicity whore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said: He is one fucking publicity whore. Not really any need for the word publicity there Gypps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 3 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said: His wife might be sent to Kanada given she’s got needlework skills and the Selection officer might want a curiosity fuck. I fear she wouldn’t last long mind, stripes are sooo last year. quality Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted April 4, 2020 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 3 hours ago, ratcum said: quality Think Clemence Thioly in Colette. I could see Victoria filling her shoes perfectly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 8 hours ago, Joker said: The cunt Beckham has apparently shaved his head, hopefully in readiness for his trip to a concentration camp, I can hardly wait for those pictures to appear on his Instagram account (his gold teeth should be worth a few bob too, as a donation for the NHS) Not to mention the fashionable lampshades that could be made out of his multi tattooed skin. Herr Oberst? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted April 4, 2020 Report Share Posted April 4, 2020 8 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said: His wife might be sent to Kanada given she’s got needlework skills and the Selection officer might want a curiosity fuck. I fear she wouldn’t last long mind, stripes are sooo last year. Hardly. That emaciated, skeketal slag is barely worth boiling up into soup to feed the corona unemployed. I, like any sane bloke, would rather fuck next doors dog Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted April 5, 2020 Report Share Posted April 5, 2020 11 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said: Hardly. That emaciated, skeketal slag is barely worth boiling up into soup to feed the corona unemployed. I, like any sane bloke, would rather fuck next doors dog Again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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