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There’s only been one stabbing in Greater London in the last 30 years. When Stephen Lawrence was murdered by every Caucasian in Britain before he had a chance to become an architect or cure cancer. No black people have ever been involved in violent crime and anyone who disagrees is a bigot. Your ‘Stabbing Tour’ will have to be a bus stop in Eltham and that archway in Whitechapel where some feminist peace workers were murdered by a white man.

I hate the presumptive way that they assume how much people eat anyway. And the word ‘servings’ is fucking insipid. I assume they avoid ‘portion’ because of its school playground connotations of ‘one up the cunt’. But you are absolutely right. Even a medium sized bag of crisps (50g) will tell you that you’re supposed to “share” it and divide it into two. 50 grams… less than 2 ounces of potato. Fucking hippie queer cunts. And Uncle Ben’s is shit now as well so they can fuck off wherever they sent that poor old black man.

What’s your take on his actual chronological age then?

Well obvs, but a Salt and pepper bun? He was a ginger with a cock like a snowman’s nose, a weak 3/10 at best.

Do you honestly believe that Decs is in his mid 30s?

So, I'm getting my usual shopping at Aldi, obviously because I'm a fuckin' cheapskate, and I live in a basement bedsit in Barnet (what can a poor boy do?) Printed on the front of the Harvest Morn CRISP Cereal packet (Strawberry flavour, in case you're interested)it clearly states '16 Servings'! I get about six servings, if I'm lucky. There is no fuckin' way you can get sixteen servings, unless they're thimble sized. Do you really expect me to starve? It's fuckin' outrageous, they should be prosecuted under the Trades Description Act 1968. Third Reich supermarket cunts.

To be fair, Ed, given the way you carry yourself, you haven't done too badly. Despite the high-waisted M&S knickers and salt and pepper hair bun, she boasts a commendable set of pins. I bet she's got a mouth like a sewer. I wouldn't touch it.. obvs. A strong 4 out of 10.

I owe you an apology, DC. If anything, I was a little envious of you having a son of similar age to mine who can pay their own fucking way. I'm sorry.

Why bother, when they can get some psycho-pupil to do it for them? https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/apr/24/three-people-injured-at-welsh-school-and-one-arrested

I can't help but agree, a run-in with @Wolfie is like being savaged by a dead sheep. 🐑

Frank needs to stop selfishly thinking about himself all the time and have a little consideration for the rest of us, he should be drinking as hard and as much as possible, it's no use prolonging the agony. You know I'm right, @Frank

Just don’t put it all the way in Baws…

Despite appearing eminently fuckable on the outside, Rachel Riley is very aggressively Jewish, so much so that I'd have to think twice before fucking her. Not that I'm ever likely to get the chance.

I’m going to start calling them Corey & Trevor. @Bubba, get back here. You’ve got fuckdonkeys to supervise.

Nobody here does that though. You’re obsessed with millennials, which is fair enough because they’re fucking vermin… but you’re in a psychological echo chamber of your own making and you see them wherever you look.

Like a Trident submarine. We have a lot of expensive out of date Yankee military hardware for which we were overcharged. A pair of fucking sitting duck carriers for this reborn "East of Suez" public school boy foreign policy. A very small base in Cyprus that's within easy reach of Russian missiles and is only capable of tiny small scale operations supporting the Yanks. It's all very pathetic. Nobody outside Britain takes us seriously on any level anymore and WE DON'T DESERVE TO BE. Incahoots with the Yanks we are continuously going round the world causing trouble.

You probably tipped him off.

Carol Vorderman IS NOT Jewish - despite all the indicators.

But this time it was in Cymru so does it matter? I will leave @Wolfie to "bleat" about your spelling.

It is Huwsless him trying to get his old job back.

I am willing to have a stab at it.

I'm thinking of introducing a London walking tour of Stabbing locations . Followed up by a tour of shop lifting locations or "gathering stock for Vinted" as they're otherwise known.I'd ask my attendee's "what's the common demonimator "

Teachers and head teachers are bleeting once again .It seems they believe that if they're doing a shite job instead of criticism they should be wrapped in cotton wool and pampered and hopefully the whole naughty situation will go away or they’ll kill themselves .Pathetic. How many in the private sector and how many self employed have been fucked over by the system ?How many of them have lost everything , how many of them have been taken to the brink .Fucking plenty that's for sure . Cunt civil servants dont know theyre fucking born the spoilt cunts . Be they in the NHS , education (that's a fucking joke) or the non civil service they walk about with ID cards hanging from rainbow lanyards completely unaware of what real life is actually like. Fucking pricks .

I've bought a Charles 3rd tin coin from Franklin mint , in 10 years time I'll be retiring to Monaco on it .That newsreader bloke said its a true guilt edged investment .There's only been 500,000 produced. It's in a small box with my sun life insurance policy documents from that woman with the huge tities.Shes got one and she's minted so its got to be worth it .

Huw has finally resigned from the BBC.I'm assuming the old taffy rascal was still on the payroll since he was caught in a rather compromising situation.How much taxpayers money has he pocketed since having his hands in his pockets I wonder?.Has he been on full pay ? Apparently he's still suffering mental health issues , I think that's code for being caught with his pants down, quite literally .Dont get me wrong, the bloke can wank until he needs to be on a drip .What I'm bothered about is what it's cost the taxpayer since .Fuck the licence fee.