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Cunts on trains talking loudly into mobile phones.


Decimus

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Nothing screams "look at fucking me, I think I'm the only cunt in the world with a job" more than some fucking tosser on a train in a cheap George ASDA suit, yabbering on and on about "bizness" into his fucking stone age Nokia 3310. They seem to labour under the mistaken impression that everyone on a 13 carriage train wants to know the ins and outs of their two bit shitty commission only job selling tat to impressionable pensioners. "Dates Pedro, I want dates. Put it in my schedule. Can I throw this one out there for you to chew on?". I'll throw it at you, you cunt, a fucking breeze block at your greasy brylcreamed head. And as for Pedro, the only date you'll get off of him is for your funeral, because its coming fucking sooner than you think you talkative prick. Ciao, let's do lunch some time , you can have my speciality, a knuckle fucking sandwhich.

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This behaviour was particularly prominent is the late 1980s and ealy 1990s, when not many a cunt had a mobile phone the size of a shit-house. It often entailed the waving of gills near the window and moving extensively like a fried kipper. Although left behind in the abyss of the past, the cuntipidity can still take one by surprise.

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I wouldn't be seen dead in Kebab shop.
God only knows where the food is from and the same can be said for the "proprietors" of these revolting shops with their ghastly frontage and vile odours. How many of them have valid passport or a legitimate reason to be in the country ?
You would have to be on drugs to eat anything from these culinary hellholes.


Evening Walter! How's fantasy land today?
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Guest Gong Farmer

I wouldn't be seen dead in Kebab shop.
God only knows where the food is from and the same can be said for the "proprietors" of these revolting shops with their ghastly frontage and vile odours. How many of them have valid passport or a legitimate reason to be in the country ?
You would have to be on drugs to eat anything from these culinary hellholes.

You racist cunt. 

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Guest Gong Farmer

Ah Decimus, you are mighty O Chosen One, I don't travel on trains as that's for poor people, my dig is the cunt somalian woman behind me in the queue in the post office jabbering away in loud ongo bongo language on her latest £400 mobile, yet she's dressed like she's come in from the desert on her camel, beats me where they get the money from.

You don't know where they get the money from? It's from saps like you numbnuts.

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Ah Decimus, you are mighty O Chosen One, I don't travel on trains as that's for poor people, my dig is the cunt somalian woman behind me in the queue in the post office jabbering away in loud ongo bongo language on her latest £400 mobile, yet she's dressed like she's come in from the desert on her camel, beats me where they get the money from.

Poor people? Not with the prices those robbing bastards at Greater Anglia charge Delboy, my son.
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Guest Gong Farmer

Poor people? Not with the prices those robbing bastards at Greater Anglia charge Delboy, my son.

Which proves that he hasn't got a fucking clue as to what he's talking about.

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Public transport? You've only yourself to blame Decimus. I'd rather stick my thumbs up my arse and ride around on my elbows than set foot on a train.

What can I say ratty, I'm either a fucking peasant or part of the Punkape banned drink driving school. I'll leave it to your imagination.
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What can I say ratty, I'm either a fucking peasant or part of the Punkape banned drink driving school. I'll leave it to your imagination.

 

well it's frightfully vulgar Deco and one should aim to make amends tout de suite
 

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well it's frightfully vulgar Deco and one should aim to make amends tout de suite

I'm sorry Ratty, you've suitably shamed me. Today I make a solemn oath that I will never travel anywhere unless it is by sedan chair, upon the shoulders of two huge ebony men, whilst smoking opium and thrashing any passers by who look unacceptably poor with my croquet mallet.
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Since everyone now has one of these contraptions it's no longer the mark of the ostentatious prick to be heard yammering into the void about 'just coming into a tunnel near Temple Meads - I'll call you back'.

I think we've come full circle here and if it's the world and his wife you want to piss off on a train, we're back to the 'squaddie with a mountain of Tenants Extra cans that's getting a bit lairy' persona you want to be adopting.

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I'm sorry Ratty, you've suitably shamed me. Today I make a solemn oath that I will never travel anywhere unless it is by sedan chair, upon the shoulders of two huge ebony men, whilst smoking opium and thrashing any passers by who look unacceptably poor with my croquet mallet.

 

Top man

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Try sitting behind or even better next to the cunts and loudly humming "Ride of the Valkaries" and yabbering about the smell of napalm in the morning.

 

I find that handing them a note saying 'I know where you live' works wonders as well.
 

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