Bubba C Posted February 22, 2017 Report Share Posted February 22, 2017 57 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Welsh was next eh? Quiet quince, you dolt. Get over to the Barbour thread, Alf is having his arse mercilessly handed to him by the slightly worrying alliance of punky and roops. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted February 22, 2017 Report Share Posted February 22, 2017 Indeed ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted February 22, 2017 Report Share Posted February 22, 2017 8 hours ago, Bubba C said: Quiet quince, you dolt. Get over to the Barbour thread, Alf is having his arse mercilessly handed to him by the slightly worrying alliance of punky and roops. No roops can't get to me, I am well aware of the collapsing brick wall of reason she is. Punkape is a stupid twat, it is after all a game, some of you take my digs at him far too seriously. None of you can get to me, not here on a website full of made up people, a lot of whom are just one complete farce of a bald headed, rancid, festering, gimp's assistant. Truly it is all a game, albeit one with biased moderating by punkape's new milf! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted February 25, 2017 Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 On 22/02/2017 at 6:52 PM, Noakes said: No roops can't get to me, I am well aware of the collapsing brick wall of reason she is. Punkape is a stupid twat, it is after all a game, some of you take my digs at him far too seriously. None of you can get to me, not here on a website full of made up people, a lot of whom are just one complete farce of a bald headed, rancid, festering, gimp's assistant. Truly it is all a game, albeit one with biased moderating by punkape's new milf! last sentence retracted due to reason being restored Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted February 25, 2017 Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 Clive at work was again bragging about his sexual escapades..."my wife just loves a good fisting, so much so, she keeps burning my meals!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted March 13, 2017 Report Share Posted March 13, 2017 What does an Essex girl do with her cunt before she goes out on a Saturday night?...............................................................leaves him down the pub. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted March 13, 2017 Report Share Posted March 13, 2017 A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter. The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?" "Yes, it's at home," replies the man. "To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy," says the cashier. Next day the man goes places two cans of cat food on the counter. "Do you own a cat sir?" asks the cashier. "Yes I do, it's at home," says the man. "Well I am sorry sir. Store policy. I must see the cat before I can sell you cat food," says the cashier. The next day the man returns to the store and walks directly to the same cashier. He has a brown paper bag in his hand. "Here," he says to the cashier, "put your hand in here." The cashier puts her hand in the brown paper bag. "It is all soft and warm," she says. "Yes, that's right," says the man, "I need to buy two rolls of toilet paper." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted March 14, 2017 Report Share Posted March 14, 2017 7 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter. The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?" "Yes, it's at home," replies the man. "To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy," says the cashier. Next day the man goes places two cans of cat food on the counter. "Do you own a cat sir?" asks the cashier. "Yes I do, it's at home," says the man. "Well I am sorry sir. Store policy. I must see the cat before I can sell you cat food," says the cashier. The next day the man returns to the store and walks directly to the same cashier. He has a brown paper bag in his hand. "Here," he says to the cashier, "put your hand in here." The cashier puts her hand in the brown paper bag. "It is all soft and warm," she says. "Yes, that's right," says the man, "I need to buy two rolls of toilet paper." An Asian man walks into a shop and asks for toilet rolls, the assistant says, "we've got andrex for 50p a roll or some unnamed cheap stuff for 10p a roll" the Asian man buys 2 rolls of the cheap stuff. He comes back the next day and says "I would like to name your cheap toilet paper, I would like to name it John Wayne", the confused shopkeeper asks "why name it John Wayne?", the man replies, "it is rough, tough, and doesn't take any shit from Indians". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted March 21, 2017 Report Share Posted March 21, 2017 What do you call one of those little grey boxes fitted to the back of a satellite dish? Drew's bungalow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 24, 2017 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2017 I was swapping jokes with a friend over a pint. "What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in a bathtub?......." I grinned. "........throw in your washing." My mate laughed, but a guy at the next table leaned across. "That's in very poor taste," he frowned. "My brother was epileptic, and he died last week in our bath." "No offence," I replied. "What happened, did he bang his head?" "No," he said. "He choked on one of my socks." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 24, 2017 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2017 "Why is it that you're white but I'm black?" I said to my mum. "Don't ask," she replied. "When I think back to that party it's lucky you don't bark." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted July 24, 2017 Report Share Posted July 24, 2017 32 minutes ago, scotty said: "Why is it that you're white but I'm black?" I said to my mum. "Don't ask," she replied. "When I think back to that party it's lucky you don't bark." Great work scotty boy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted July 24, 2017 Report Share Posted July 24, 2017 Why does the Norway navy have bar codes on the side of their ships? So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 24, 2017 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2017 "I'm leaving you," announced my girlfriend. "I've heard you're a paedophile." "Paedophile?" I said. "That's a big word for an eight year old." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 24, 2017 Report Share Posted July 24, 2017 Good to see you, Scotters Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mingeeta Posted July 24, 2017 Report Share Posted July 24, 2017 A little lad and his dad go hhunting in the everglades, and hear a muffled sound in some bushes. As they part the trees they see a crocodile with a muslim mans head popping out of it's mouth. Little lad turns to his dad and says " look at that posh twat in his La Coste sleeping bag". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 24, 2017 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2017 3 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: Good to see you, Scotters Afternoon Wizz, not many of the old guard left I see. I left the delivery room and the father approached me apprehensively. "What's happening, doctor?" he trembled. "The birth is over, but I'm afraid it's not all good news..." I said. "Get the bad news over first," he sighed. "I'm afraid he's ginger," I replied. He brightened up. "Whats the good news then?" "He's dead." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 24, 2017 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2017 "So, what's the new morgue attendant job like?" I asked my mate. "Has its downsides," he replied. "For instance they brought in a woman who'd been in the water for three weeks. When I turned her face-up I swear her clit was like a pickled gherkin." "What, green and swollen?" I asked. "No," he said. "A bit sour." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southerncunt Posted July 24, 2017 Report Share Posted July 24, 2017 Great work Scotty. Welcome back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 25, 2017 Report Share Posted July 25, 2017 5 hours ago, scotty said: Afternoon Wizz, not many of the old guard left I see. I left the delivery room and the father approached me apprehensively. "What's happening, doctor?" he trembled. "The birth is over, but I'm afraid it's not all good news..." I said. "Get the bad news over first," he sighed. "I'm afraid he's ginger," I replied. He brightened up. "Whats the good news then?" "He's dead." SOme have "earned" themselves a Corner sponsored break. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted July 25, 2017 Report Share Posted July 25, 2017 I was asked to leave the local swimming pool today as a large bulge in my swimming trunks was upsetting some of the other swimmers. i pointed out another guy with similar trunks & asked why he was not asked to leave. they replied "because he hasn't shit himself". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted July 25, 2017 Report Share Posted July 25, 2017 A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina lips are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees. She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" "Don't worry," he says, "I didn't tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself. The second one is from the nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she had the operation done herself." "Who is the third rose from?" she asked. "Oh," says the doctor, "that rose is from the guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted July 25, 2017 Report Share Posted July 25, 2017 The holocaust was all a terrible mistake .. Himmler was watching Adolf changing a fuse when he had an electric shock and turned around and shouted "Heinrich! I want you to kill the juice!". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 27, 2017 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2017 I got drunk at the office party and spent the night with a girl from accounts. Apprehensive about going home, I asked my neighbour to go round and see how angry my wife was. Ten minutes later he phoned back. "She's not speaking except to scream what a cunt you are," he said. "She has a face like thunder, there's broken crockery everywhere and you can cut the atmosphere with a knife." "Thank God," I thought. "Everything's normal." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 28, 2017 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2017 I had a nice surprise today when I found a present from my mum that I forgot to open last christmas. She's given me a lovely little puppy skeleton. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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