Expats who comment on news stories from back 'ome.

[Guest Tata Steely Dan]

Being a venerable porridge muncher, I sometimes read 'The Scotsman' online. Perhaps this is my first mistake. Recently it has been hot in Scotland. Sure as the sunrise, every article about the hot weather seems to have drawn out the same people from under their collective rocks. Expats. Any time the temperature in Arbroath (avoid) or Auchtermuchty (avoid) sidles into the upper 20s, Janis McPherson from Woogawagga (only ten hours of rugged desert driving from Canberra) has to chime in: "Its been that warm here for the last six weeks".

Nobody gives a fuck. The thing about local news is that it only relates to a certain geographical area. When it gets down to minus fifteen here then that is news! The fact that you routinely have to urinate on your jeep's tires to get the car rolling in the morning, because you moved to some shithole in Alberta, has nothing to do with the news. Yet every fucking time a weather-related story is posted some grotesque, saggy ex-pat woman has to make the same dull, pointless comments. I can only assume that the last vestige of home-sickness somehow took root, so these people maintain a perverse interest in the affairs of a country you fecked off from decades previously. You still feel a pang for a country you haven't paid any taxes in since the Thatcher years. Cretins.

Either that or cleaning poisonous spiders out the gutters of an old folks' home in Adelaide is no better that scrubbing urinals in Homebase in Greenock. 

"You think that's hot, here in Alice Springs it's hotter than that at night. My husband got a puncture out by the radar station and nearly died of heatstroke, lol".

 

Kill yourself. 

 

[Eddie]

1 minute ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

Being a venerable porridge muncher, I sometimes read 'The Scotsman' online. Perhaps this is my first mistake. Recently it has been hot in Scotland. Sure as the sunrise, every article about the hot weather seems to have drawn out the same people from under their collective rocks. Expats. Any time the temperature in Arbroath (avoid) or Auchtermuchty (avoid) sidles into the upper 20s, Janis McPherson from Woogawagga (only ten hours of rugged desert driving from Canberra) has to chime in: "Its been that warm here for the last six weeks".

Nobody gives a fuck. The thing about local news is that it only relates to a certain geographical area. When it gets down to minus fifteen here then that is news! The fact that you routinely have to urinate on your jeep's tires to get the car rolling in the morning, because you moved to some shithole in Alberta, has nothing to do with the news. Yet every fucking time a weather-related story is posted some grotesque, saggy ex-pat woman has to make the same dull, pointless comments. I can only assume that the last vestige of home-sickness somehow took root, so these people maintain a perverse interest in the affairs of a country you fecked off from decades previously. You still feel a pang for a country you haven't paid any taxes in since the Thatcher years. Cretins.

Either that or cleaning poisonous spiders out the gutters of an old folks' home in Adelaide is no better that scrubbing urinals in Homebase in Greenock. 

"You think that's hot, here in Alice Springs it's hotter than that at night. My husband got a puncture out by the radar station and nearly died of heatstroke, lol".

 

Kill yourself. 

 

Agreed all Scottish are cunts, apart from baws who is a fucking cunt.

[Bubba C]

1 minute ago, Eddie said:

Agreed all Scottish are cunts, apart from baws who is a fucking cunt.

I'd add quince to that list, ed, but he's some sort of spunk-gargling half breed. 

Is he dead yet? 

Ps. Welcome to CC steely Dan. Fuck off. 

[Jake The Muss]

Welcome Danny boy..hope you're going to be a right fucking cuntheaded cuntbrained cuntbreed..if not then do fuck off. but yeah those haggis bashing jock cunts know how to piss up the wrong trees..William Wallace can fuck himself.

[camberwell gypsy]

12 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

Being a venerable porridge muncher, I sometimes read 'The Scotsman' online. Perhaps this is my first mistake. Recently it has been hot in Scotland. Sure as the sunrise, every article about the hot weather seems to have drawn out the same people from under their collective rocks. Expats. Any time the temperature in Arbroath (avoid) or Auchtermuchty (avoid) sidles into the upper 20s, Janis McPherson from Woogawagga (only ten hours of rugged desert driving from Canberra) has to chime in: "Its been that warm here for the last six weeks".

Nobody gives a fuck. The thing about local news is that it only relates to a certain geographical area. When it gets down to minus fifteen here then that is news! The fact that you routinely have to urinate on your jeep's tires to get the car rolling in the morning, because you moved to some shithole in Alberta, has nothing to do with the news. Yet every fucking time a weather-related story is posted some grotesque, saggy ex-pat woman has to make the same dull, pointless comments. I can only assume that the last vestige of home-sickness somehow took root, so these people maintain a perverse interest in the affairs of a country you fecked off from decades previously. You still feel a pang for a country you haven't paid any taxes in since the Thatcher years. Cretins.

Either that or cleaning poisonous spiders out the gutters of an old folks' home in Adelaide is no better that scrubbing urinals in Homebase in Greenock. 

"You think that's hot, here in Alice Springs it's hotter than that at night. My husband got a puncture out by the radar station and nearly died of heatstroke, lol".

 

Kill yourself. 

 

Welcome to CC. Why have you got Janet Street-Porter as your avatar? 

[Cuntybaws]

21 minutes ago, Eddie said:

Agreed all Scottish are cunts, apart from baws who is a fucking cunt.

At least I'm not a ginger fucking cunt, though, that's got to count for something? 

Or a Hibs fan, like the Rev. 

You're not a Celtic fan I hope Steely? That would be most unfortunate. 

[Earl of Punkape]

32 minutes ago, Bubba C said:

I'd add quince to that list, ed, but he's some sort of spunk-gargling half breed. 

Is he dead yet? 

Ps. Welcome to CC steely Dan. Fuck off. 

Were you Bubbles before you were imprisoned in Lagos ?

[Guest nobgobbler]

42 minutes ago, Eddie said:

Agreed all Scottish are cunts, apart from baws who is a fucking cunt.

I like baws, he's sending me his love, in a turkey baster. Steely's been here 41 minutes, are we allowed to call him a ginger cunt yet?

[Guest BrothersQuim]

1 minute ago, nobgobbler said:

I like baws, he's sending me his love, in a turkey baster. Steely's been here 41 minutes, are we allowed to call him a ginger cunt yet?

That's 41 minutes too late in my opinion, the fucking ginger Irn Bru swilling cunt.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

1 hour ago, Bubba C said:

I'd add quince to that list, ed, but he's some sort of spunk-gargling half breed. 

Is he dead yet? 

Ps. Welcome to CC steely Dan. Fuck off. 

Fuck you fuckball, I am a pure breed- pure class. Eddie is being awfully cavalier again with his nazi shit, despite being half eggplant- iti greasewop, half mamaluke. What have you to say about your Italian ancestors Eddie , and I do not mean them as much as their North African precursors , wolves of the sea who used to prowl the coasts , and reave the coastal villages, heartily pumping away at your granny's big fatto Italiano fanny with their big black Berber dicks. What about that Eddie? What about that.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

30 minutes ago, nobgobbler said:

I like baws, he's sending me his love, in a turkey baster. Steely's been here 41 minutes, are we allowed to call him a ginger cunt yet?

You just like balls. Simply balls. Balls slapping off your chin like demons. Balls, balls balls. Slap, slap , slap. 

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

42 minutes ago, Punkape said:

Were you Bubbles before you were imprisoned in Lagos ?

In Portugal? Whatever for?

[Guest BrothersQuim]

1 minute ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

In Portugal? Whatever for?

He was found to have 25kg of Heroin shoved up his dirt pipe wrapped very poorly in lidl carrier bags. Hope that clears up any confusion.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

24 minutes ago, BrothersQuim said:

He was found to have 25kg of Heroin shoved up his dirt pipe wrapped very poorly in lidl carrier bags. Hope that clears up any confusion.

I'll wager when they hauled it out of him, it was oddly cock shaped, no doubt acclimatised to the shape of its hiding place.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

1 hour ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

Being a venerable porridge muncher, I sometimes read 'The Scotsman' online. Perhaps this is my first mistake. Recently it has been hot in Scotland. Sure as the sunrise, every article about the hot weather seems to have drawn out the same people from under their collective rocks. Expats. Any time the temperature in Arbroath (avoid) or Auchtermuchty (avoid) sidles into the upper 20s, Janis McPherson from Woogawagga (only ten hours of rugged desert driving from Canberra) has to chime in: "Its been that warm here for the last six weeks".

Nobody gives a fuck. The thing about local news is that it only relates to a certain geographical area. When it gets down to minus fifteen here then that is news! The fact that you routinely have to urinate on your jeep's tires to get the car rolling in the morning, because you moved to some shithole in Alberta, has nothing to do with the news. Yet every fucking time a weather-related story is posted some grotesque, saggy ex-pat woman has to make the same dull, pointless comments. I can only assume that the last vestige of home-sickness somehow took root, so these people maintain a perverse interest in the affairs of a country you fecked off from decades previously. You still feel a pang for a country you haven't paid any taxes in since the Thatcher years. Cretins.

Either that or cleaning poisonous spiders out the gutters of an old folks' home in Adelaide is no better that scrubbing urinals in Homebase in Greenock. 

"You think that's hot, here in Alice Springs it's hotter than that at night. My husband got a puncture out by the radar station and nearly died of heatstroke, lol".

 

Kill yourself. 

 

Good evening. This isn't shit per se, it's possibly too insubstantial a cunting topic to warrant a nice lengthy cunting. Where sightly tenuous the subject be, one can be crude and short, but where the topic is something that is genuinely hated, that's when you can get the quill out. You don't seem to be an obvious imbecile, and are already a million miles ahead of Ding and other thick, can't spell can't write cunts. Please don't turn out to be an imbecile, we need new blood, and good blood.

[Guest BrothersQuim]

16 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

I'll wager when they hauled it out of him, it was oddly cock shaped, no doubt acclimatised to the shape of its hiding place.

Decs was meant to get him waved through security, problem was he started to get a chubby when he thought of someone violating Bubs against his will for a change and let them carry on. 

Apparently they also found :-

2 Waterford Marquis Treviso Candle Holders.

1 Sky remote.

4 conkers still in shell.

A half eaten hardback copy of war and peace.

Eddies dentures.

A bust of Frank circa 1992.

A pristine 1983 Bucks Fizz greatest hits album.

A few kendal mint cakes out of wrapper.

The list truly goes on for miles, but this should give you a general idea, let's just say it took a fleet of skips to remove the contents.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

46 minutes ago, BrothersQuim said:

Decs was meant to get him waved through security, problem was he started to get a chubby when he thought of someone violating Bubs against his will for a change and let them carry on. 

Apparently they also found :-

2 Waterford Marquis Treviso Candle Holders.

1 Sky remote.

4 conkers still in shell.

A half eaten hardback copy of war and peace.

Eddies dentures.

A bust of Frank circa 1992.

A pristine 1983 Bucks Fizz greatest hits album.

A few kendal mint cakes out of wrapper.

The list truly goes on for miles, but this should give you a general idea, let's just say it took a fleet of skips to remove the contents.

Steptoes ringpiece.

[Guest nobgobbler]

6 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

You just like balls. Simply balls. Balls slapping off your chin like demons. Balls, balls balls. Slap, slap , slap. 

Stop it, you're making me blush. You romantic devil.

[Bubba C]

On 28 July 2016 at 0:02 AM, BrothersQuim said:

He was found to have 25kg of Heroin shoved up his dirt pipe wrapped very poorly in lidl carrier bags. Hope that clears up any confusion.

Fuck off, you cheeky little cunt. 

It was a no less than 30kg of 90% pure Jazz Talc that I'd ingested. 

And I never use anything other than waitrose bags, I'm not a savage. 

[Decimus]

Tata, I have to admit that when I saw your nomination I automatically feared the worst. The inaugural nom of a new member is usually at best fucking shit, and at worst a reincarnation of Profb. Well done though, you haven't made a complete cunt out of yourself and JackoTC is thus still the most tedious jock savage posting in the CC tartan Mafia. That is if he's not dead. Which I hope he is.

[Guest I know that Cunt]

4 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Well done though, you haven't made a complete cunt out of yourself 

Must try harder. 2/10

[Guest Snatch]

7 hours ago, BrothersQuim said:

Decs was meant to get him waved through security, problem was he started to get a chubby when he thought of someone violating Bubs against his will for a change and let them carry on. 

Apparently they also found :-

2 Waterford Marquis Treviso Candle Holders.

1 Sky remote.

4 conkers still in shell.

A half eaten hardback copy of war and peace.

Eddies dentures.

A bust of Frank circa 1992.

A pristine 1983 Bucks Fizz greatest hits album.

A few kendal mint cakes out of wrapper.

The list truly goes on for miles, but this should give you a general idea, let's just say it took a fleet of skips to remove the contents.

A Bucks Fizz Greatest hits ALBUM? 

[Guest DingTheRioja]

23 minutes ago, Snatch said:

A Bucks Fizz Greatest hits ALBUM? 

Greatest is merely a comparable term, you would normally say "the least fucking dismal" in this case.

[Guest Manky]

As the only 2 jocks I have ever seen are Nicola Sturgeon and Jimmy Krankie, the Miss Scotland finals must resemble that bar scene from Star Wars.

[Bubba C]

9 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

Good evening. This isn't shit per se, it's possibly too insubstantial a cunting topic to warrant a nice lengthy cunting. Where sightly tenuous the subject be, one can be crude and short, but where the topic is something that is genuinely hated, that's when you can get the quill out. You don't seem to be an obvious imbecile, and are already a million miles ahead of Ding and other thick, can't spell can't write cunts. Please don't turn out to be an imbecile, we need new blood, and good blood.

Yacht. 

As you were.