Decimus Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 British summertime is shit. Gargantuan women bursting through sweat drenched Lycra like overripe sausages, topless tattooed men swilling cans of Carling from the back of ford escorts, and wasps and tramps flocking around bins on the hunt for disgusting grease filled leftovers. But nothing fills me with more loathing in the summer as when some cunt rings you up and says "do you fancy coming over for a " barbie?" Ordinarily, my answer would be "get fucked", but they normally coincide with some bellends birthday, making them next to impossible to avoid. I can't think of anything worse. Invariably the food is absolute shite. Iceland burgers, 10% meat sausages, and manky chicken wings, usually smeared in some form of disgusting chemical marinade. When this shit is dished up, it's either as black and crispy as a prostitutes cum soaked pubes, or so raw that when you bite into it, it starts pissing with blood. Add to this the flocks of screaming children gabbling absolute shite for hours on end, and the usual boring cunt who wants to regale the group with tales of his soul destroying job in insurance, and you've got one of the worst experiences of British summertime imaginable. Oh and it's pretty much guaranteed to piss it down. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 You're going to need one of these fucking beauties. Anyone else miss Judge? No, didn't think so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 You forgot the fucking soft cunt who, in an effort to channel his inner Michelin star cunt and impress his neighbours, goes out and purchases a £700, uber-super-CookMaster-9000, fucking GAS grill, which achieves precisely the same fucking result as putting their Asda extra special (no less) sausages under the fucking grill in the kitchen. And they've normally got shit alcohol. Wankers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 We French organise a bbq correctly, fresh meat and poultry prepared by a village boucher and cooked on locally produced charcoal to perfection. Chilled white wine is served along with the finest French beers. French children are seen but seldom heard at these social gatherings. No fat people or chavs are invited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 44 minutes ago, Decimus said: British summertime is shit. Gargantuan women bursting through sweat drenched Lycra like overripe sausages, topless tattooed men swilling cans of Carling from the back of ford escorts, and wasps and tramps flocking around bins on the hunt for disgusting grease filled leftovers. But nothing fills me with more loathing in the summer as when some cunt rings you up and says "do you fancy coming over for a " barbie?" Ordinarily, my answer would be "get fucked", but they normally coincide with some bellends birthday, making them next to impossible to avoid. I can't think of anything worse. Invariably the food is absolute shite. Iceland burgers, 10% meat sausages, and manky chicken wings, usually smeared in some form of disgusting chemical marinade. When this shit is dished up, it's either as black and crispy as a prostitutes cum soaked pubes, or so raw that when you bite into it, it starts pissing with blood. Add to this the flocks of screaming children gabbling absolute shite for hours on end, and the usual boring cunt who wants to regale the group with tales of his soul destroying job in insurance, and you've got one of the worst experiences of British summertime imaginable. Oh and it's pretty much guaranteed to piss it down. All true. You haven't mentioned however, the cretins who decide that to be classy purchase Pimms to give it a middle class feel. I don't know about you lot but I should imagine that agricultural diesel mixed with tizer tastes better than that disgusting fucking stuff. Am I right Bubbles? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 9 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: We French organise a bbq correctly... No fucking shit! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 43 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: You're going to need one of these fucking beauties. Anyone else miss Judge? No, didn't think so. I saw him lurking around earlier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 1 minute ago, Cuntybaws said: No fucking shit! Joan was probably a lesbian and deserved it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted August 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 10 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: We French organise a bbq correctly, fresh meat and poultry prepared by a village boucher and cooked on locally produced charcoal to perfection. Chilled white wine is served along with the finest French beers. French children are seen but seldom heard at these social gatherings. No fat people or chavs are invited. Withers, I've never understood the French reputation of culinary excellence. Everything you eat is swimming in grease, oil and garlic. When an Englishman see's snails in his garden he worries about his lettuce, you lot get stuck in and eat them. We avoid touching slimy amphibians through fear of disease, whilst the French gobble them down like the worst sort of marsh dwelling peasant. French food is fucking disgusting, and the wine is second rate when compared to Chilean. Vivre. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 9 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: All true. You haven't mentioned however, the cretins who decide that to be classy purchase Pimms to give it a middle class feel. I don't know about you lot but I should imagine that agricultural diesel mixed with tizer tastes better than that disgusting fucking stuff. Am I right Bubbles? Why are you asking the opinion of that Welsh cunt, he drinks his wife's stale piss out of a rusty bucket and thinks it classy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 3 minutes ago, Alfie Fucking Noakes said: I saw him lurking around earlier. Fuck me, it's true. "Last visited 2 hours ago." He must have smelled a rat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 10 replies to this nom and it is flagged as hot. Well it would be, its a fucking barbeque. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 (edited) 23 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: We French organise a bbq correctly, fresh meat and poultry prepared by a village boucher and cooked on locally produced charcoal to perfection. Chilled white wine is served along with the finest French beers. French children are seen but seldom heard at these social gatherings. No fat people or chavs are invited. You have an unfair advantage. Years of practice at outdoor catering as you hid in the woods hideng from Jerry. Fucking Vichy cocksuckers. Edited August 27, 2016 by Manky Cunttype Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 19 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: We French organise a bbq correctly, fresh meat and poultry prepared by a village boucher and cooked on locally produced charcoal to perfection. Chilled white wine is served along with the finest French beers. French children are seen but seldom heard at these social gatherings. No fat people or chavs are invited. If you substitute the word "Catholics" for "French" this sounds more like Punkape than Punkape does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 2 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: If you substitute the word "Catholics" for "French" this sounds more like Punkape than Punkape does. lol lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 3 minutes ago, Manky said: You have an unfair advantage. Yeats of practice at outdoor catering as you hid in the woods hideng from Jerry. Fucking Vichy cocksuckers. What has a dead Irish poet got to do with a bbq. Are you pissed on cheap disgusting northern beer. Soppy cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 10 minutes ago, Decimus said: Withers, I've never understood the French reputation of culinary excellence. Everything you eat is swimming in grease, oil and garlic. When an Englishman see's snails in his garden he worries about his lettuce, you lot get stuck in and eat them. We avoid touching slimy amphibians through fear of disease, whilst the French gobble them down like the worst sort of marsh dwelling peasant. French food is fucking disgusting, and the wine is second rate when compared to Chilean. Vivre. I can honestly say that in this region we shun the eating of escargot and frogs legs. It is more of a north region thing. In my 67 years I have tried to avoid slimy amphibians but found it impossible when I was surrounded by the Welsh for 7 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 16 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: What has a dead Irish poet got to do with a bbq. Are you pissed on cheap disgusting northern beer. Soppy cunt. I did correct it 17 minutes ago. Error made. I am a cunt. I must do 10 Hail Cunty's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted August 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 8 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: I can honestly say that in this region we shun the eating of escargot and frogs legs. It is more of a north region thing. It appears that northerners are disgusting fucking savages no matter what country you live in. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 1 hour ago, Cuntybaws said: Fuck me, it's true. "Last visited 2 hours ago." He must have smelled a rat. This could just be a coincidence... ...or perhaps "Mr I haven't posted for almost 4 months" has been tapping away on the report button like a spastic Hector Salamanca? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest I know that Cunt Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 1 hour ago, Cuntybaws said: If you substitute the word "Catholics" for "French" this sounds more like Punkape than Punkape does. It also works if you substitute the words Gay golfers for "French" it sounds more like Punkape than Punkape does Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 1 hour ago, Decimus said: It appears that northerners are disgusting fucking savages no matter what country you live in. Quite right too. Robust, proud, honest upright folk. Not scared of a days toil. I would go to work with a broken leg. You southern jessie's would have a month on the sick with a broken flask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest I know that Cunt Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 Manky you're not a real northerner, not like someone from say Preston or Leeds. Manchester is only a bit further north than stoke on trent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 2 minutes ago, I know that Cunt said: Manky you're not a real northerner, not like someone from say Preston or Leeds. Manchester is only a bit further north than stoke on trent. I've hated every last one of your previous 319 posts, without exception. Finally, you've managed to put something together that doesn't make you look a total spaz. Such a shame that it's been plagiarised from cunts far funnier than you. Idiot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 3 minutes ago, I know that Cunt said: Manky your not a real northerner, not like someone from say Preston or Leeds. Manchester is only a bit further north than stoke on trent. Leeds is as far south as I dare venture these days, unless it's at 70mph straight through to the lands of Johnny Foreigner. Anyway, the only reason the french insist on rare meat is because of all that fucking running away they do in wars, not enough time to cook it properly. Chilean Carménère is a current favourite, but not that Casillero shite on the tele... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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