Ape™️ Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 I don't spend much time in the office area where I work, but whenever I do, there's always a couple of noisy cunts munching away like fucking pigs. How those sat opposite these cunts manage to resist smashing them in the face is beyond me. I become irrationally angry at the sound of someone taking horse-sized bites out of a Granny Smith, and then chomping away without even attempting to keep their fucking mouth shut. Disgusting, rude, ignorant turds. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 47 minutes ago, Ape said: I don't spend much time in the office area where I work, but whenever I do, there's always a couple of noisy cunts munching away like fucking pigs. How those sat opposite these cunts manage to resist smashing them in the face is beyond me. I become irrationally angry at the sound of someone taking horse-sized bites out of a Granny Smith, and then chomping away without even attempting to keep their fucking mouth shut. Disgusting, rude, ignorant turds. I have a lovely carbon composite Barnet crossbow I can lend you, when the offending cunts' head is pinned to your office wall, apple in mouth, suckling pig style, you can simply claim that THEY suggested a game of William Tell and it's not your fault. See more ideas @Erics solutions.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fatty Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 1 hour ago, Ape said: I don't spend much time in the office area where I work, but whenever I do, there's always a couple of noisy cunts munching away like fucking pigs. How those sat opposite these cunts manage to resist smashing them in the face is beyond me. I become irrationally angry at the sound of someone taking horse-sized bites out of a Granny Smith, and then chomping away without even attempting to keep their fucking mouth shut. Disgusting, rude, ignorant turds. I know exactly what you mean, I sit opposite Eddie, and that greasy cunt is eating shit all fucking day, it boils my blood!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 Yeah, these inept cuntshiners should be basted in sewage and then roasted in a brazen bull. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 33 minutes ago, Fender777 said: Yeah, these inept cuntshiners should be basted in sewage and then roasted in a brazen bull. Claw hammering is still more fun. As one enthusiast to another, do you favour the rubber grip hollow steel handle or a traditional contoured hickory? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 21 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Claw hammering is still more fun. As one enthusiast to another, do you favour the rubber grip hollow steel handle or a traditional contoured hickory? I'd tell you if I could find out where the batteries go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 2 minutes ago, nobgobbler said: I'd tell you if I could find out where the batteries go. Get thee to a nunnery, harlot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PANZER MURPHY Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 This nom is what falls out of the apple crunching cunts hole Panzerknacker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 2 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: Claw hammering is still more fun. As one enthusiast to another, do you favour the rubber grip hollow steel handle or a traditional contoured hickory? Not bothered Eric, just as long as the mess is all the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 4 hours ago, Ape said: I don't spend much time in the office area where I work, but whenever I do, there's always a couple of noisy cunts munching away like fucking pigs. How those sat opposite these cunts manage to resist smashing them in the face is beyond me. I become irrationally angry at the sound of someone taking horse-sized bites out of a Granny Smith, and then chomping away without even attempting to keep their fucking mouth shut. Disgusting, rude, ignorant turds. Just because you can only eat mush through a straw, and shite in a bag while mouth joysticking your fliddy way through the office on your chariot, is no reason to begrudge the cunts a normal diet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 2 hours ago, nobgobbler said: I'd tell you if I could find out where the batteries go. You should cut them open and spread the contents on your toast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 2 hours ago, nobgobbler said: I'd tell you if I could find out where the batteries go. Blimey Gobbles, what end goes where ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 3 hours ago, Fatty said: I know exactly what you mean, I sit opposite Eddie, and that greasy cunt is eating shit all fucking day, it boils my blood!!!! Opposite him? Sounds like a miserably small office, carpet tiles and shitty fluorescent light flickering, some shiny faced greaseball opposite spooning baked beans into his face with his fingers, wiping wotsits down his dungarees. Is he close enough to kick? In the interest of comedy, first thing tomorrow morning, could you boot him in the shin, and then say "that's from Quincy". I'd be pretty grateful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 7 hours ago, Fender777 said: Yeah, these inept cuntshiners should be basted in sewage and then roasted in a brazen bull. I presume that's just a warm up before you really go to town on the cunts arses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted February 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 4 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Just because you can only eat mush through a straw, and shite in a bag while mouth joysticking your fliddy way through the office on your chariot, is no reason to begrudge the cunts a normal diet. And we all know what you class as a normal diet, don't we? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted February 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 5 hours ago, Panzerknacker said: This nom is what falls out of the apple crunching cunts hole Panzerknacker Extraordinary! This reply almost resembles written English. Very well done, Panzyspacker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 11 hours ago, Ape said: I don't spend much time in the office area where I work, but whenever I do, there's always a couple of noisy cunts munching away like fucking pigs. How those sat opposite these cunts manage to resist smashing them in the face is beyond me. I become irrationally angry at the sound of someone taking horse-sized bites out of a Granny Smith, and then chomping away without even attempting to keep their fucking mouth shut. Disgusting, rude, ignorant turds. Well if you will whore yourself out in some dystopian, 'pimp my cubicle' hell-hole, you can hardly expect your fellow drudge-monkeys to be that high up the food chain. Just be thankful the simian hordes don't fling their own shit about the gaff, whilst intoning the phrase 'Sorry - the systems gone down' to your irate customer base Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colonelkurtz Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 12 hours ago, Ape said: I don't spend much time in the office area where I work, but whenever I do, there's always a couple of noisy cunts munching away like fucking pigs. How those sat opposite these cunts manage to resist smashing them in the face is beyond me. I become irrationally angry at the sound of someone taking horse-sized bites out of a Granny Smith, and then chomping away without even attempting to keep their fucking mouth shut. Disgusting, rude, ignorant turds. Sounds like someone suffers from the abnormal brain condition misophonia ... what a complete fucking surprise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 7 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Opposite him? Sounds like a miserably small office, carpet tiles and shitty fluorescent light flickering, some shiny faced greaseball opposite spooning baked beans into his face with his fingers, wiping wotsits down his dungarees. Is he close enough to kick? In the interest of comedy, first thing tomorrow morning, could you boot him in the shin, and then say "that's from Quincy". I'd be pretty grateful. Office be fucked, it's a bijou* unit on an industrial estate, we've all seen the pictures. I bet they have those shitty little electric heaters in the winter and share an Aldi purchased desk fan in the summer months. *fucking tiny and fucking shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 7 hours ago, Fender777 said: Blimey Gobbles, what end goes where ? That depends on who you're with... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 10 hours ago, nobgobbler said: I'd tell you if I could find out where the batteries go. Its just as the woman at Anne Summers told you. Unscrew the endcap of the hollow shaft and slide in 5 double A batteries, then refit endcap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 13 hours ago, Ape said: I don't spend much time in the office area where I work, but whenever I do, there's always a couple of noisy cunts munching away like fucking pigs. How those sat opposite these cunts manage to resist smashing them in the face is beyond me. I become irrationally angry at the sound of someone taking horse-sized bites out of a Granny Smith, and then chomping away without even attempting to keep their fucking mouth shut. Disgusting, rude, ignorant turds. To be fair, any cunt who can't shut their mouth when eating anything, needs it filled with a right-hook. You could always try countering their behaviour with some offensive noise of your own. Maybe playing some porn full-blast on your mobile, or reading out any one of Dan's noms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 1 hour ago, Lady Penelope said: Its just as the woman at Anne Summers told you. Unscrew the endcap of the hollow shaft and slide in 5 double A batteries, then refit endcap. Is this correct, Quincy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 5 hours ago, Ape said: Extraordinary! This reply almost resembles written English. Very well done, Panzyspacker. He's having a quick moment of clarity before he toddles off to "smash some ole munters back doors in good an propah". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted February 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 13 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: He's having a quick moment of clarity before he toddles off to "smash some ole munters back doors in good an propah". Lafin! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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