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Terry Tibbs

Picnics

47 posts in this topic

Terry doesn't mind dining al-fresco at a trattoria in Tuscany. Nice wine, clit shaped gnocchi and safe in the knowledge that he's two thousand miles away from the nearest pork pie.

Why anyone would want to sit on a tartan rug on the middle of a roundabout in Basildon, eating mini Cornish pasties and listening to Status Quo blaring out from the stereo of a stationary Ford Sierra is beyond Terry. Put on the heating, sit up your fucking kitchen table and close the curtains so the public don't have to see you noshing off a sausage roll, with the crumbs flying around like cum shrapnel from a farting faggots arsehole.

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English is a wonderful language, Terence.

Cum shrapnel from a faring faggots arsehole....... Bravo!

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31 minutes ago, Terry Tibbs said:

Terry doesn't mind dining al-fresco at a trattoria in Tuscany. Nice wine, clit shaped gnocchi and safe in the knowledge that he's two thousand miles away from the nearest pork pie.

Why anyone would want to sit on a tartan rug on the middle of a roundabout in Basildon, eating mini Cornish pasties and listening to Status Quo blaring out from the stereo of a stationary Ford Sierra is beyond Terry. Put on the heating, sit up your fucking kitchen table and close the curtains so the public don't have to see you noshing off a sausage roll, with the crumbs flying around like cum shrapnel from a farting faggots arsehole.

Laughing my bollox off

Panzerknacker 

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So, not content with owning all the banks,media and everyfuckingthing else. Secretly running the world and causing all the strife. You now want to spoil our fucking picnic?

You cunt.

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22 minutes ago, deebom said:

So, not content with owning all the banks,media and everyfuckingthing else. Secretly running the world and causing all the strife. You now want to spoil our fucking picnic?

You cunt.

Come now Db, with prose like "cum shrapnel from a farting faggot's arse" full and due credit must be given the lad.  

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1 minute ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Do they still make the choccy bar called picnic? 

Kind of. They call it a hamper these days.

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4 hours ago, Terry Tibbs said:

Terry doesn't mind dining al-fresco at a trattoria in Tuscany. Nice wine, clit shaped gnocchi and safe in the knowledge that he's two thousand miles away from the nearest pork pie.

Why anyone would want to sit on a tartan rug on the middle of a roundabout in Basildon, eating mini Cornish pasties and listening to Status Quo blaring out from the stereo of a stationary Ford Sierra is beyond Terry. Put on the heating, sit up your fucking kitchen table and close the curtains so the public don't have to see you noshing off a sausage roll, with the crumbs flying around like cum shrapnel from a farting faggots arsehole.

To be honest, I prefer a picnic when dining with the Mrs, as it keeps the flies off my Quiche. 

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True story: Some years back, a bloke took his mother in law  for a picnic. It was at Longleat park. He laid out the blanket for her before driving off telling her he'd be back with an ice cream. The dumb cow managed to survive the ordeal, and so too did the bloke, as he never actually went into the correct enclosure. What a cunt, eh. 

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I seem to remember a picnic as a type of chocolate bar.

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1 hour ago, 'eavensabove said:

Kind of. They call it a hamper these days.

Trust them to change the name 

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7 hours ago, Terry Tibbs said:

Terry doesn't mind dining al-fresco at a trattoria in Tuscany. Nice wine, clit shaped gnocchi and safe in the knowledge that he's two thousand miles away from the nearest pork pie.

Why anyone would want to sit on a tartan rug on the middle of a roundabout in Basildon, eating mini Cornish pasties and listening to Status Quo blaring out from the stereo of a stationary Ford Sierra is beyond Terry. Put on the heating, sit up your fucking kitchen table and close the curtains so the public don't have to see you noshing off a sausage roll, with the crumbs flying around like cum shrapnel from a farting faggots arsehole.

Not a bad nom Terence but just one thing. When writing about your daily experiences,try not to mention yourself by name as if someone else were writing for you.

Unless you are a fucking retard that needs a helper,it makes you look a cunt.

You cunt.

Carry on.

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1 minute ago, Snatch said:

Not a bad nom Terence but just one thing. When writing about your daily experiences,try not to mention yourself by name as if someone else were writing for you.

Unless you are a fucking retard that needs a helper,it makes you look a cunt.

You cunt.

Carry on.

That's why they call me Terry Tibbs.

Thank you, goodnight.

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3 hours ago, Snatch said:

Not a bad nom Terence but just one thing. When writing about your daily experiences,try not to mention yourself by name as if someone else were writing for you.

Unless you are a fucking retard that needs a helper,it makes you look a cunt.

You cunt.

Carry on.

Yeah Quincy did that and it didn't end well for him.

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Drew agrees with what Snatch says and also thinks Terry sounds like a retard for writing in the third person.

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6 hours ago, Drew P Pissflaps said:

Drew agrees with what Snatch says and also thinks Terry sounds like a retard for writing in the third person.

Eric thinks Drew has made a valid observation.

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21 hours ago, Terry Tibbs said:

Terry doesn't mind dining al-fresco at a trattoria in Tuscany. Nice wine, clit shaped gnocchi and safe in the knowledge that he's two thousand miles away from the nearest pork pie.

Why anyone would want to sit on a tartan rug on the middle of a roundabout in Basildon, eating mini Cornish pasties and listening to Status Quo blaring out from the stereo of a stationary Ford Sierra is beyond Terry. Put on the heating, sit up your fucking kitchen table and close the curtains so the public don't have to see you noshing off a sausage roll, with the crumbs flying around like cum shrapnel from a farting faggots arsehole.

Beautifully written, Tel. As a little aside from the motor industry you must be taking by storm, have you considered a foray into penning children's books? I can almost see the Quentin Blake-style illustrations now, especially for the end of that last paragraph there.

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20 minutes ago, nocti said:

Beautifully written, Tel. As a little aside from the motor industry you must be taking by storm, have you considered a foray into penning children's books? I can almost see the Quentin Blake-style illustrations now, especially for the end of that last paragraph there.

why waste Quentins time when you could just ask Punkape for photographs from the last party at the golf club

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2 hours ago, nocti said:

Beautifully written, Tel. As a little aside from the motor industry you must be taking by storm, have you considered a foray into penning children's books? I can almost see the Quentin Blake-style illustrations now, especially for the end of that last paragraph there.

Terry has already had a foray into the kids book market.

Just last year I asked for some funding for an updated version of James and The Giant Peach on Dragons Den. In this edition, James finds himself living in Diane Abbot's arse, scrounging a living on semi-fecal, partially digested rice and peas. His only friend is a little white maggot who pops in periodically to spit tofu flavoured yogurt into his stupid fucking face.

Theo and Duncan had to pass, but Deborah Meaden gave me a monkey and I tore her arsehole apart backstage. 

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18 minutes ago, Terry Tibbs said:

Terry has already had a foray into the kids book market.

Just last year I asked for some funding for an updated version of James and The Giant Peach on Dragons Den. In this edition, James finds himself living in Diane Abbot's arse, scrounging a living on semi-fecal, partially digested rice and peas. His only friend is a little white maggot who pops in periodically to spit tofu flavoured yogurt into his stupid fucking face.

Theo and Duncan had to pass, but Deborah Meaden gave me a monkey and I tore her arsehole apart backstage. 

I bet you live in a giant colon and spend your days happily licking the walls.....

Fuck off.

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4 minutes ago, Punkape said:

I bet you live in a giant colon and spend your days happily licking the walls.....

Fuck off.

Forgive me, If I knew that you had such a soft spot for the black hole of Calcutta I'd have written you into the story as Jimmy's horrendously gay bunk mate.

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47 minutes ago, Terry Tibbs said:

Terry has already had a foray into the kids book market.

Just last year I asked for some funding for an updated version of James and The Giant Peach on Dragons Den. In this edition, James finds himself living in Diane Abbot's arse, scrounging a living on semi-fecal, partially digested rice and peas. His only friend is a little white maggot who pops in periodically to spit tofu flavoured yogurt into his stupid fucking face.

Theo and Duncan had to pass, but Deborah Meaden gave me a monkey and I tore her arsehole apart backstage. 

Surprised you got a chance to tear  her arsehole apart, she normally leaves him at home looking after the dogs and horses. Nice of her to give you a monkey, don't forget to feed it, Punkers has plenty of Bananas going spare, wash them though, they smell of poo and spunk.

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1 hour ago, Terry Tibbs said:

Terry has already had a foray into the kids book market.

Just last year I asked for some funding for an updated version of James and The Giant Peach on Dragons Den. In this edition, James finds himself living in Diane Abbot's arse, scrounging a living on semi-fecal, partially digested rice and peas. His only friend is a little white maggot who pops in periodically to spit tofu flavoured yogurt into his stupid fucking face.

Theo and Duncan had to pass, but Deborah Meaden gave me a monkey and I tore her arsehole apart backstage. 

I'll throw in a pony to go with your monkey for as long as Dragon Abbot remains in the Den.

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3 hours ago, 'eavensabove said:

I'll throw in a pony to go with your monkey for as long as Dragon Abbot remains in the Den.

You could throw in my monkey, a pony, and half of Surrey, but there would still be room for James and Punkape to two's up inside Abbot's stinking cunt.

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