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Cunts with allotments.


Earl of Punkape

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9 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Most of them only have allotments so they have a shed where they can go and drink Special Brew and masturbate.

And therein lies the reason Punky hates cunts with allotments. All he has to drink Special Brew and masterbate in is an old cardboard box. He yearns for a wankshed.

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Guest Manky
15 minutes ago, Ape said:

And therein lies the reason Punky hates cunts with allotments. All he has to drink Special Brew and masterbate in is an old cardboard box. He yearns for a wankshed.

One night soon, I am going to sneak into your golf club and move 'Kill myself immediately' to the top of your to-do list.

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Guest Manky
9 minutes ago, Ape said:

What the fuck are you talking about?

 

6 minutes ago, Ape said:

What a spiteful fucking cunt!

Sorry. Wrong target. I meant to brutally savage Punky, in an intellectual sense only.

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Guest 'eavensabove
14 hours ago, Alfie Noakes said:

Those are the conversations you hear before phrases such as "you there, stop playing with yourself, you cannot sleep here, get off my land".

... or from under the cover of his rhubarb patch: "Quick mate, pull your jeans-up, farmer Giles is coming"

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Guest Tata Steely Dan
On 4/24/2017 at 10:48 AM, Punkape said:

These sad, grubby, boring cunts are likely to put you to sleep with tales of supersized carrots or organic Algerian parsnips.

Interesting you went straight for the phallic imagery here, complete with a reference to the fictitious 'Algerian parsnip' which presumably plays deeply on some of your twisted noble savage and Mandingo fantasies. 

Shame. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest DingTheRioja
On 24/04/2017 at 11:24 AM, Neil said:

I had one once,I noticed over a period of time the ground level rising,turns out a mystery figure was sneeking in and putting top soil on it......the plot thickens

 

I'm er all....oh fuck off

Neil, that was fucking terrible!

 

 

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Guest Lady Penelope
On 24/04/2017 at 11:42 AM, Eric Cuntman said:

Apparently, Rose West was a lager drinker, she told the police that at the end of a busy day, she couldn't wait to murder a couple of tenants... her hubby Fred was about to be released too, the detectives went through his receipts and found out he'd bought all his topsoil from Lockerbie. 

You could always tell when your train was passing through Lockerbie at nighttime because every house had its landing lights switched on.

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Guest Lady Penelope
On 25/04/2017 at 10:21 AM, 'eavensabove said:

... or from under the cover of his rhubarb patch: "Quick mate, pull your jeans-up, farmer Giles is coming"

Oui be Formor Joyles with me tracta.

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9 hours ago, The Lady Penelope said:

You could always tell when your train was passing through Lockerbie at nighttime because every house had its landing lights switched on.

Go into a pub and ask for a Lockerbie, they will ask "what's that?" Tell them it's a 'large one, on the house'.

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Guest N/A
On 24/04/2017 at 10:48 AM, Punkape said:

These sad, grubby, boring cunts are likely to put you to sleep with tales of supersized carrots or organic Algerian parsnips.Often found in the local bullshitting about their failed produce and strange insect infestations these cunts should be given a wide berth or a good hiding.

Fuck off.

Allotments used to be where old men went down to the shed where they kept there secret stash of neche porn.  Now with porn widely available on an iPad with wipe down screen and no keypad for spunk to get encrusted....allotments all across the land will have fallen into disrepair.   Only true boring cunts who find they have spare time outside of endurance wanking, actually still go and dig shit and grow carrots.   Presumably for sticking in their arse once they get home at night.  Weird cunts

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1 minute ago, Monumental cunt said:

Allotments used to be where old men went down to the shed where they kept there secret stash of neche porn.  Now with porn widely available on an iPad with wipe down screen and no keypad for spunk to get encrusted....allotments all across the land will have fallen into disrepair.   Only true boring cunts who find they have spare time outside of endurance wanking, actually still go and dig shit and grow carrots.   Presumably for sticking in their arse once they get home at night.  Weird cunts

You boring wanker ........fuck off.

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Guest N/A
6 minutes ago, Punkape said:

You boring wanker ........fuck off.

Ok....

 

im scared of you.  Don't mentally stretch me with witty banter I cannot cope with and box me into a corner of cutting remarks 

ohh it's you Punk

 

fuck off you silly little fuck cunt 

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