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Lop-sided shitting


Guest Bill Stickers

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Guest Lady Penelope
15 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

This does really belong on Lady Ps lavatory and bowel movement thread, it has a whiff of 'lumpy crap' about it.

Shit stirrer.

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3 hours ago, Bill Stickers said:

I don't think I've done a shit in the last 5 years that hasn't left skid marks down the right hand side of the bowl.

I've analysed my defecating posture but can't find anything amiss.

Thoughts?

Sounds like you've been subjected to repeated off-axis reaming. 

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53 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

The ghost shit is the Holy Grail.

I think this is a combination of high anal muzzle velocity and an aquadynamic curvature, which causes the released turd to hit the water moving simultaneously downwards and backwards, simply put, it swims through the u bend like a stinky porpoise.

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Guest Bill Stickers
1 hour ago, Cuntybaws said:

The ghost shit is the Holy Grail.

My favourite is the master locking turd.

Rather self explanatory, there's nothing better than the feeling of a small dump-plug releasing the motherload hiding behind.

 

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Guest Bill Stickers
19 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I think this is a combination of high anal muzzle velocity and an aquadynamic curvature

I've got an arsehole like a riot water cannon. I regularly manage to splatter the white raised rim just under the toilet seat. 

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4 hours ago, Bill Stickers said:

I don't think I've done a shit in the last 5 years that hasn't left skid marks down the right hand side of the bowl.

I've analysed my defecating posture but can't find anything amiss.

Thoughts?

You could emigrate to Australia because I believe it's the other way round down there. 

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I havnt had a decent dump for 3 fucking days,I so needed a shit earlier but spent 10 minutes trying to eject something akin to a cement ball the size if a house.Now that I'm home I have just inserted a bullet shaped laxative that hopefully will open the bomb bay and I can at last deliver a healthy 9lb bum baby.I guess I'm not the only one on here full of shit

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Had Punkape posted this fucking odd nom, Bill, the response would be obvious. But you, starting a discussion about your shitting habits, knowing its audience is 90% male? I sincerely hope (for your sake) your lopsidedness isn't because of the reasons some others have already pointed out. Explain yourself.

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9 hours ago, Bill Stickers said:

I don't think I've done a shit in the last 5 years that hasn't left skid marks down the right hand side of the bowl.

I've analysed my defecating posture but can't find anything amiss.

Thoughts?

The only sensible suggestion I could make is try standing on your head and have a shit. Obviously this would take some forcing out going against gravity and all, but by analysing (strictly speaking, anal-ysing) the quantity of shit on either cheek you should be able to determine whether your ringer is catastrophically twisted. Maybe punkape prefers entering at an angle? 

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Guest Bill Stickers
21 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

Had Punkape posted this fucking odd nom, Bill, the response would be obvious. But you, starting a discussion about your shitting habits, knowing its audience is 90% male? I sincerely hope (for your sake) your lopsidedness isn't because of the reasons some others have already pointed out. Explain yourself.

Wolfie, if you've got a spare hour between working your various zero hour contracts, peruse my older noms. I've regularly addressed all things fecal.

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6 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said:

Wolfie, if you've got a spare hour between working your various zero hour contracts, peruse my older noms. I've regularly addressed all things fecal.

Your recent volume of posts suggests you're very familiar with zero-hour contracts. That said, I thank you for explaining yourself to me. I didn't realise you were a fudge connoisseur.

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Guest deebom
1 minute ago, Bill Stickers said:

Hello you braindead yoghurt weaver. I need some 2cb for boomtown. Know anyone? 

Fuck off stickers you cunt. Get your own shit drugs. I only do quality.

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Guest Bill Stickers
Just now, deebom said:

Fuck off stickers you cunt. Get your own shit drugs. I only do quality.

Yes, that GHB you gave me was very good. I hardly remember you buggering me senseless. 

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Guest deebom
Just now, Bill Stickers said:

Yes, that GHB you gave me was very good. I hardly remember you buggering me senseless. 

Pffft. You're just saying that.

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1 hour ago, southerncunt said:

Try the "reverse kanga". This involves sitting on the throne facing the sistern. See if this helps. Failing that, move to the states, where the bogs start off full and you can deliver a breech otter safe in the knowledge there can be no marks. Total water birth.

Some solid advise there SC. Although I always found the amount of water in the US shitters to be disconcertingly deep. Over here, if someone else is occupying a nearby cubicle and you want a bit of dignity, if you pop just a couple of handfuls of pap baffle down, and you know a solid one is coming lest your arse sound like Donald Duck getting fucking electrocuted, you've not made a sound.

But over the cholesterol side of the pond, you'd need to take a ton of bastard flatpack cardboard in with you just to stop even the smallest of shits from sounding like a fucking depth charge. No wonder the place is fucked.

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