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Wedding beggars


Neil

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As if a family wedding 'aint bad enough the cunts have had the cheek to put on the invite 'as we've lived together for two years we dont need any presents  so cash towards our honeymoon would be great'......Fuck off you poncing cunts!

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I don't understand these kind of people, if I want a piss-up I just go to the pub, or the supermarket, why go to the trouble and expense of arranging a wedding, funeral, birthday, Xmas or new years eve party?

I blame social media, fucking needy, attention seeking, cunts.

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Guest Drew P Pissflaps

......or fostering of children.

(i am assuming that as it is your family Neil, it isn't a traditional male - female bonding and is either same sex or human - animal union)

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Guest Hector
1 hour ago, Neil said:

As if a family wedding 'aint bad enough the cunts have had the cheek to put on the invite 'as we've lived together for two years we dont need any presents  so cash towards our honeymoon would be great'......Fuck off you poncing cunts!

Yet another story about gay marriage, I thought, and then realised I had misread the nom title.

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23 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said:

......or fostering of children.

(i am assuming that as it is your family Neil, it isn't a traditional male - female bonding and is either same sex or human - animal union)

Unfortunately it is a normal cock/fanny union,I say unfortunately because it means the cunts will probably spit out more cunts in the near future

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Worse than this are the cunts who prepare an itemised list of gifts that they want, like a fucking child writing to Father Christmas.

Well I'm sorry, but unless your wish list includes a brick smashed into the groom's smug, fucking face or my bastard growing in the slag bride's belly, you're going to be highly fucking disappointed. 

Edited by Decimus
Copied verbatim from my speech at my sister's wedding.
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Guest Manky

I have never been married. The thought of any function with people pretending to like each other and pretending to enjoy them selves, I find nauseating. Ditto for birthdays, engagements, Christmas etc. etc. I do enjoy a good funeral though. I met Mrs Manky at a funeral. (I must give her back one day so they can finish the job properly)

Best off just fucking off to the pub for a spontaneous piss up.

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Guest Drew P Pissflaps
1 hour ago, Decimus said:

Worperhapsn this are the cunts who p repare an itemised list of gifts that they want, like a fucking child writing to Father Christmas.

Well I'm sorry, but unless your wish list includes a brick smashed into the groom's smug, fucking face or my bastard growing in the slag bride's belly, you're going to be highly fucking disappointed. 

you've just confirmed everyones opinion of you by more or less admitting you actually shagged your sister before her wedding. Well done for sharing, but prehaps you need a psychiatrist rather than The Corner.

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Guest Wizardsleeve
7 hours ago, Neil said:

Unfortunately it is a normal cock/fanny union,I say unfortunately because it means the cunts will probably spit out more cunts in the near future

I suspect she's already knocked up, hence the marriage and requests for cash. 

Congrats uncle Neil!  Lol

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4 hours ago, Drew P Pissflaps said:

you've just confirmed everyones opinion of you by more or less admitting you actually shagged your sister before her wedding. Well done for sharing, but prehaps you need a psychiatrist rather than The Corner.

Cheers, Drew. As well as offering excellent clinical advice, could you possibly also tutor me in the art of stating the fucking obvious? 

Idiot.

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23 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said:

I suspect she's already knocked up, hence the marriage and requests for cash. 

Congrats uncle Neil!  Lol

It is my niece too but she can still fuck off 

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Guest Drew P Pissflaps
24 minutes ago, Decimus said:

The wedding doesn't happen to be at Dunston hall this Saturday does it, Neil? I sincerely fucking hope not.

Is that where you're staying after your annual visit to Norwich Pride, you big fucking mincing poof.

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26 minutes ago, Decimus said:

The wedding doesn't happen to be at Dunston hall this Saturday does it, Neil? I sincerely fucking hope not.

No,you're safe....I'll ring ahead for you so they can get the flid ramps out 

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Never been in there,do I assume from your question it's a pub where the stools are placed upside down so the regulars can enjoy sitting on them?.I thought the one at the bottom of Ketts Hill was the bendy one,that and the Compleat Angler. .

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4 minutes ago, Neil said:

that and the Compleat Angler. 

This. I was in there last year as I thought it was a footballing pub. The place was wall to wall with fucking shirt lifters and you couldn't hear yourself think over Kylie Minogue's screeching cunt voice. I'm glad that some other cunt has picked up on it, as everyone else I've mentioned it to is adamant it's not a den of dick slapping.

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Guest Gong Farmer

If anything like my sister in law's wedding in Ireland they'll be begging for money to pay for the obligatory chocolate fountain and harpist at the reception venue years later. Still in thirty thousand euros of debt eight years after the tacky event that saw the groom flying into sweep his' three times single mother with three different fathers' bride off her feet in a fucking helicopter. They laid the tack on thick and creamy with absolutely no regard to  how much it was all going to cost and how they were going to pay for it. 

Now phoning me up to ask for money to put towards a new washing machine because she's skint but still manages to go on tacky low rent 'all included' holiday packages on the cunt addled  Costa Brava.

Fuck off you parasitic harpy.

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1 hour ago, Gong Farmer said:

If anything like my sister in law's wedding in Ireland they'll be begging for money to pay for the obligatory chocolate fountain and harpist at the reception venue years later. Still in thirty thousand euros of debt eight years after the tacky event that saw the groom flying into sweep his' three times single mother with three different fathers' bride off her feet in a fucking helicopter. They laid the tack on thick and creamy with absolutely no regard to  how much it was all going to cost and how they were going to pay for it. 

Now phoning me up to ask for money to put towards a new washing machine because she's skint but still manages to go on tacky low rent 'all included' holiday packages on the cunt addled  Costa Brava.

Fuck off you parasitic harpy.

Why don't you pay for a holiday to Thailand for her? You go with them, and on the day you're leaving there, hide a stash of heroin in the lining of their cases. Then watch with amusement as they're stopped at the gate by police as you board your plane. I mean she won't be needing a fucking washing machine for the next quarter of a century. And when she eventually returns, she'll be speaking fluent Thai (you won't have to speak to her because she would have forgot English (think Dances with Wolves) and she'll be bowing to everyone). Plus she'll be able to rustle up a mean cockroach curry.

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Guest Wizardsleeve
10 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Why don't you pay for a holiday to Thailand for her? You go with them, and on the day you're leaving there, hide a stash of heroin in the lining of their cases. Then watch with amusement as they're stopped at the gate by police as you board your plane. I mean she won't be needing a fucking washing machine for the next quarter of a century. And when she eventually returns, she'll be speaking fluent Thai (you won't have to speak to her because she would have forgot English (think Dances with Wolves) and she'll be bowing to everyone. Plus she'll be able to rustle up a mean cockroach curry.

For the amount of debt he mentioned, he should avoid such travel adventures as it would undoubtedly be he who became the mule. It would also be poor Gongers detained at the gate getting his arse stretched in the searched and video recorded by punky for perverse entertainment purposes. 

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Guest Gong Farmer
34 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Why don't you pay for a holiday to Thailand for her? You go with them, and on the day you're leaving there, hide a stash of heroin in the lining of their cases. Then watch with amusement as they're stopped at the gate by police as you board your plane. I mean she won't be needing a fucking washing machine for the next quarter of a century. And when she eventually returns, she'll be speaking fluent Thai (you won't have to speak to her because she would have forgot English (think Dances with Wolves) and she'll be bowing to everyone). Plus she'll be able to rustle up a mean cockroach curry.

That's a spiffing idea but I'd end up being lumbered with her unruly Irish sprogs that I despise with a passion. I ended up paying for 'their' visit to Holland after the sob story my missus swallowed about them not being able to come, all fucking five of them, because they'd have no spending money whilst they were here. Muggins here ended up funding that too to the tune of four hundred euros that got partially spent in one of the local coffee shops, a whole week with two shitfaced cunts getting stoned on my money whilst having to entertain their fucking 'orribel cunty kids with no table manners. 

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Guest Bill Stickers

By all accounts, Punkape had the most frugal civil partnership wishlist ever seen.

Female guests didn't have to gift anything, and all the men had to do was bust a nut on his face on the way in.

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2 hours ago, Bill Stickers said:

By all accounts, Punkape had the most frugal civil partnership wishlist ever seen.

Female guests didn't have to gift anything, and all the men had to do was bust a nut on his face on the way in.

By all accounts his partner-to-be, who apparently wore the trousers, spent much of their wedding budget on examining all nut-busters for AIDS and herpes before delivering their wedding presents. Punkers' hands were tied.

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