Cunts who take a one day course in something and consider themselves a bonafide expert

[Guest Bill Stickers]

A colleague of mine went on a 3 hour wine tasting course about 6 months ago.

Probably some poxy rip off from GroupOn as a birthday present from some other cunt.

I went round his house and the stupid fucker now insists on pouring his £3.99 Aldi claret through an aerator, swilling it round in the glass, sniffing it a bit and commenting on it's undertones.

Next time he's not looking I'm going to stick my finger up my arse and inside my jebend and wipe it around inside the aerator to see how he likes those fruity notes.

Cunt!

[and]

Won't be any 'fruity notes' from your arse, just the overpowering tang of sailors cock.

Stick to Vimto and meths, I do.

[nocti]

54 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said:

... I'm going to stick my finger up my arse and inside my jebend...

In that order? I'm sure it'll give the bouquet some rather subtle, earthy undertones, Sticks.

I too hate cunts like this. Some fucking prick I work with recently re-did his first aid course, and now thinks he's in charge of fleets of ambulances throughout the country, and doesn't shut the fuck up about it. I wonder if he'd be able to give himself CPR after I flay the cunt alive, roll him in salt, and then feed him feet first into an industrial shredder, all the time playing "Angels" by Robbie Williams on repeat. 

[Guest Bill Stickers]

2 minutes ago, nocti said:

In that order? I'm sure it'll give the bouquet some rather subtle, earthy undertones, Sticks.

You raise a good point. Jebend first, arse second. It's the equivalent of double dipping your missus isn't it?

[Bubba C]

4 minutes ago, nocti said:

Some fucking prick I work with recently re-did his first aid course, and now thinks he's in charge of fleets of ambulances throughout the country, and doesn't shut the fuck up about it. I wonder if he'd be able to give himself CPR after I flay the cunt alive, roll him in salt, and then feed him feet first into an industrial shredder, all the time playing "Angels" by Robbie Williams on repeat. 

Depends, did he do his Level 2 or 3?

[nocti]

12 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said:

You raise a good point. Jebend first, arse second. It's the equivalent of double dipping your missus isn't it?

My missus? Yeah, probably.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

1 hour ago, Bill Stickers said:

A colleague of mine went on a 3 hour wine tasting course about 6 months ago.

Probably some poxy rip off from GroupOn as a birthday present from some other cunt.

I went round his house and the stupid fucker now insists on pouring his £3.99 Aldi claret through an aerator, swilling it round in the glass, sniffing it a bit and commenting on it's undertones.

Next time he's not looking I'm going to stick my finger up my arse and inside my jebend and wipe it around inside the aerator to see how he likes those fruity notes.

Cunt!

Sounds like a fucking poof.  Real blokes do not drink wine.  Wine was created for the express purpose of getting women drunk, because they don't like ale.  

[Guest Manky]

A good bottle of Chateau Moss Side is the perfect wine for taking the edge off a cheap bottle of Cidre. Any wine costing more than £2.99 a crate is pretentious shit that should be avoided like the plague.

 

[Guest Bill Stickers]

8 minutes ago, Manky said:

A good bottle of Chateau Moss Side is the perfect wine for taking the edge off a cheap bottle of Cidre. Any wine costing more than £2.99 a crate is pretentious shit that should be avoided like the plague.

Someone did the two day course!

[Guest Manky]

14 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said:

Someone did the two day course!

I like you Bill, you are a funny man. That's why I will kill you last.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

8 minutes ago, Manky said:

I like you Bill, you are a funny man. That's why I will kill you last.

Lying cunt!  

[Guest Manky]

1 minute ago, Wizardsleeve said:

Lying cunt!  

You are right. I don't like him, he is not funny and I will not kill him last.

Be fair though, attending the Cunts Corner Christmas party carrying a meat axe would make me like a child in a sweet shop.

 

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

1 minute ago, Manky said:

You are right. I don't like him, he is not funny and I will not kill him last.

Be fair though, attending the Cunts Corner Christmas party carrying a meat axe would make me like a child in a sweet shop.

 

I've been told, this year has a lumberjack theme to it.  Best reconsider a chainsaw or a proper axe.  There will be two industrial tree chippers on site, so the meat axe may not be the ideal implement.  

[Guest Manky]

8 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said:

I've been told, this year has a lumberjack theme to it.  Best reconsider a chainsaw or a proper axe.  There will be two industrial tree chippers on site, so the meat axe may not be the ideal implement.  

I have done a 3 hour course in drowning arsewipes in a bucket of festering dog shit. It would have to be a bucket of Brut for Decimus because he lives in Norfolk and the smell of shit only makes him homesick.

[Cuntybaws]

3 hours ago, r-soles said:

Won't be any 'fruity notes' from your arse, just the overpowering tang of sailors cock.

You take that back. Bill's arse is the fruitiest thing on this entire site, which is quite some achievement given the competition.

[Cuntybaws]

Quote

Cunts who take a one day course in something and consider themselves a bona fide expert

Back on topic, almost, I'm not so sure this is a universal truth. I often find that it only takes a few minutes on Google researching a topic I previously knew nothing about to develop a considerably better grasp of it than the actual bona fide "expert" who was previously trying to bullshit me about it.

[Eric Cuntman]

1 minute ago, Cuntybaws said:

Back on topic, almost, I'm not so sure this is a universal truth. I often find that it only takes a few minutes on Google researching a topic I previously knew nothing about to develop a considerably better grasp of it than the actual bona fide "expert" who was previously trying to bullshit me about it.

I'm constantly amazed by the buyers in those pawn shops on the telly, usually yank, who have a phone book full of 'buddies' who are all experts on something. I'd love it if the customer who's just brought in an antique ferret stretcher, and been told that the pawnbroker has a friend who is an expert on such items and will be along shortly to appraise the item, replied by saying "I've got a friend who's an expert on experts, d'you mind if he pops in to appraise your expert?"

[Guest Bill Stickers]

10 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Back on topic, almost, I'm not so sure this is a universal truth. I often find that it only takes a few minutes on Google researching a topic I previously knew nothing about to develop a considerably better grasp of it than the actual bona fide "expert" who was previously trying to bullshit me about it.

Roops, any thoughts?

[Mrs Roops]

2 hours ago, Bill Stickers said:

Roops, any thoughts?

None whatsoever. Why do you ask?

[and]

On 8/2/2017 at 6:44 PM, Cuntybaws said:

You take that back. Bill's arse is the fruitiest thing on this entire site, which is quite some achievement given the competition.

You've been there?

[camberwell gypsy]

On 02/08/2017 at 3:15 PM, nocti said:

In that order? I'm sure it'll give the bouquet some rather subtle, earthy undertones, Sticks.

I too hate cunts like this. Some fucking prick I work with recently re-did his first aid course, and now thinks he's in charge of fleets of ambulances throughout the country, and doesn't shut the fuck up about it. I wonder if he'd be able to give himself CPR after I flay the cunt alive, roll him in salt, and then feed him feet first into an industrial shredder, all the time playing "Angels" by Robbie Williams on repeat. 

You cruel, evil bastard, how can anyone plumb the depths of depravity. Robbie Williams "Angels" on repeat? Evil bastard. 

[Guest Piston]

On 02/08/2017 at 9:42 PM, Mrs Roops said:

None whatsoever. Why do you ask?

Don't even touch the keyboard Bill...just back away slowly

 

[Jiggerycock]

On ‎02‎/‎08‎/‎2017 at 6:55 PM, Cuntybaws said:

Back on topic, almost, I'm not so sure this is a universal truth. I often find that it only takes a few minutes on Google researching a topic I previously knew nothing about to develop a considerably better grasp of it than the actual bona fide "expert" who was previously trying to bullshit me about it.

Only just 'Top Trumped' (ha!) by any kind of expertise on a subject being shown up as logical, empirically-consistent, well-founded bollocks by someone who 'has a feeling' about the issue in question.

Viz:

" I put it to the members of the Cunts Corner jury that my client could not have committed the crime in question because he was a) out of the country at the time the crime was committed,  b ) Is a hamster and c ) is dead"

"Bollocks! He looks a wrong 'un and is probably a poof! Kill him again!"

[nocti]

19 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

You cruel, evil bastard, how can anyone plumb the depths of depravity. Robbie Williams "Angels" on repeat? Evil bastard. 

He really is a cunt though, gyps. Deserving of every second if it was played for eternity. I'll make sure it's a live version too.

[Guest Snatch]

31 minutes ago, nocti said:

He really is a cunt though, gyps. Deserving of every second if it was played for eternity. I'll make sure it's a live version too.

Your cuntishness knows no bounds.

Good man.