Rev

Nobody gives a fuck. It's France for crying out fuck. It's bursting at the seams with hairy, bucket-fannied women and effeminate foreskin-worshipping blokes. These Cro-Magnon boat bastard cunts can burn the fucking place to the ground as far as I'm concerned.

I'm not entirely sure I really give a flying shit about cricket to be honest, Jake. However, I fully concur with your view of football. It is the very definition of a poof's game, whereas cricket seems rather LGBTQI to me. Pronouns are for cunts.

What a beautiful story. t's anecdotes like this that warm the cockles of my fucking heart.

I'd have thought that bollock-eyed cunt Schofield would present shite like this. His foetid hoop must be that loose that any of his contemporary sausagers would feel like they were fucking a bowl of lukewarm soup.

I'd probably flood her cervix, but only because her shithouse has almost certainly caved in by now.

I'm not entirely fucking sure what kind of reaction you're seeking here. What kind of cunt lives in an HMO with swarthy migrants sporting cum-flecked turbans and fairies riddled with Freddy Mercury poisoning? Nail the cunt's scrotum to a table and stab the bastard in the fucking teeth. This is common sense. It's not fucking rocket science. Wernher von Braun was a cunt.

I wonder if this cunt uses Femfresh on her fucking curtains.

Fuck my dog, what the Christing fuck has been happening here, EC? It seems like a few self-entitled Special Olympic gay shit-the-bed transvestites are vying to be top cunt of the Corner in our absence and it's becoming increasingly apparent that some aren't fit to lick the crust off India Fucking Willoughby's piss-soaked man-labia. I'm entrusting you with electrocuting them to Kingdom Fuck if any of the pastel-haired pronouned cunts turn this place into a plant based haven for homosexual vegans. Caroline Lucas is a cunt, although unsurprisingly, I'd still fuck her until her spleen splits.

I'd almost certainly bruise her giblets a couple of times, Mr B ...before bludgeoning the cunt to death with either a handy length of scaffold, or perhaps a rugby sock full of unopened Crosse & Blackwell All Day Breakfast cans. They have a satisfying weight to them. Henry Heinz was a cunt.

Can I suggest the middle names of Volkenrath if it's a Mädchen and Kaltenbrunner if it's a Junge, ratters?

I fucking hope so.

She'll almost certainly need some major corrective surgery in the arse/cunt area, considering the amount of food that's gone through the misshapen-headed talent-vacuum over the years. I doubt it's even worth the effort flipping the sow over, as she'll have an arse like an abandoned Russian diamond mine, clearly something you'd be able to step thigh-deep into. I'd probably still fuck her if I were at a loose end though. Then drown her.

To be fair EC, once it has set and the focus of my attention has been submerged in a lonely stretch of the Clyde, bubbles in the concrete would be the least of my concerns. I'd have garroted the cunt to the point of asphyxiation in any case, so that I could bathe in their last seconds of panic when their lungs emptied for the last time. I'm not an unreasonable man.

Of course, in the real world, this intellect-resistant nonce would be strung up by his foreskin and beaten into a barely recognisable mass of faeces and offal via the medium of a tyre lever. If ever there was a bloke needing Sutcliffed, it's this cunt.

Hmm. A ginger...and therefore not what one could accurately describe as odourless. I imagine her bouquet to be something approaching between a putrescent Aldi Brie and a weeping yeast infection. Yeah, I'd fuck her though...most likely with something from the Hilti range. I think that commie cunt Kamala Harris is probably a bit dirty. I'd definitely bruise her fucking kidneys, before electrocuting her. Keith Relf was a cunt.

Bastard. You beat me to it, Mr B. I would indeed have answered "gusto" had I seen your response earlier, but I see LCS also pre-empted me. I'll need to up my fucking game.

I'd still fuck her.

Even the one-trick-pony Cattrall cunt wearing a New York Dolls T-Shirt in the episode where they got caught smoking hash doesn't redeem this sloppy puddle of cancerous dog sick, although I always fancied spraying Charlotte's pert chest with a clackerbag's-worth of sock children (really just to watch the faux doe-eyed shock on her face as I squeezed out the last gobbet on her neck before using her hair as an impromptu cock towel), but to be honest, the now blonde ginger toe-thumbed shrimp-jockey cunt would get her balloon knot tanked with my Dutch glue if the Sky logo is anything to go by. I still wouldn't use the perpetually limp-cocked tough wank and veiny Passchendaele mustard gas victim-handed looking Parker cunt as a draught excluder. In fact, I'd hesitate to wipe my barely-cooked Aladdin's Special Donner-caked arse on the Lemmy-warted slapper's face. Mark Kermode is a cunt.

Call me old-fashioned and an over-romantic bastard, but however much my head tells me that this cunt needs throttled with an inordinate degree of prejudice, I still find her curiously attractive and would quite contentedly while away an afternoon pulling her hair, slapping her arse and flooding her cervix.

Fuck me. It has Ray Davies' teeth, Eric Sykes' ears and Anne Frank's pre-shower hairstyle. It looks like a fucking barn-find Volkswagen Beetle.

Indeed. I'd venture as far as imparting advice to the dreary leftie, pastel-friendly shithouse cunt to let her hair grow out over her comedy ears. The hoor looks like the Scottish Cup with those fucking Sky dishes either side of her intellect-resistant bastard head. Of course, my favoured and least complex strategy would be to just Sutcliffe the swarthy woke cunt with an ergonomically pleasing length of scaffolding. It goes without saying that I'd fuck her pre, or post bludgeoning really (a pulse isn't necessarily a prerequisite at Coitus Towers), in a concerted effort to demonstrate that decorum hasn't completely abandoned me. Chivalry is my most conspicuous weakness.

I think it fair to say that a discerning bastard like myself is driven by pragmatism, hence, I'd fuck the piss out of her until her paraurethral ducts resembled a pair of weather-beaten ghillie's waders. Then I'd have her summarily executed.

She's one of the few women I just couldn't bring myself to fuck. I imagine she employs the reverse cowboy manoeuvre, rather than having the Fat Ed bastard rolling on top of her and trying to part her sweaty, thrush-riddled gammon-hangers. In any case, I suspect she has a cunt like a Post Office van coming out of a car wash, so I'd be quite happy to watch the jug-eared sow drown. I want her dead.

I'd still fuck the piss out of her. Hope this helps. Stan Collymore's a cunt.

I have only a very vague recollection of this cross-dressing bastard. He was the kind of third gendered shit-the-bed cunt who still lived in his mum's bedsit, waiting for her to cut the grey bits out of his fish fingers, while he furtively wiped his special scone mix off his fetid Captain Scarlet pyjamas with his favourite My Little Pony wank sock. He brought as much joy here as a milky-eyed pederast on a fingering crusade at a toddlers' soft play centre.