Decimus

Yet another unfulfilled promise, just like your assertion that you'd finish off last weekend at the top of the LB. And now we're here. Not only have you ended this bank holiday nowhere near a top four spot, you haven't even managed to put a chink (lol) in my armour, despite a record amount of weekend posts attempting to do so. I'm bowing out again for the foreseeable on a high, it was nice doing business with you, although it looks like the transactional result ended up in my favour...number five wanker. Lololol.

I actually find it quite flattering that you consider something I knocked out in thirty seconds whilst coming down from a three day coke, booze, speed and benzo binge to be that perfectly structured it could only have been produced by A.I. technology. For avoidance of doubt, I've never assumed that anything you have ever shat out on these pages has been anything other than the spasticated, drunken ramblings of your own wet-brained imagination.

You're not wrong. Where I grew up we had a large Greek Cypriot, Italian and Maltese community from the 1950s onwards. They all had their own businesses, married local women, spoke the language, invested in the community and their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren are indistinguishable from the locals. In the early 2000s the floodgates opened and the area was flooded with eastern Europeans, Portuguese, Kosovans, Albanians and Romanians. Some of them were ok, but the difference between them and the 1950s immigrants was palpable and the tensions are still there. I think that demonstrates that the British people are welcoming and ready to embrace outsiders who work hard and integrate into the local fabric of society. It's totally on the incomers to do this and if they don't then they can't complain when tensions subsequently arise.

Tanyalee Davis. You made a nom about her once upon a time, a very good one I'm ashamed to admit. I actually saw it being interviewed by Look East on a Greater Anglia train from Norwich to Yarmouth not long after it was turfed off another one for clogging up the aisles in its massive fucking scooter. How many cans of Kestrel would it take to persuade you to rag it fucking silly in front of your bungalow's roaring two-bar fire?

Andy McShit-Stab.

ELC, you seem very hyped up and happy today, and dare I say it, slightly less of a racist fucking cunt. Have you been out on the piss?

The old whoever smelt it dealt it gambit. About as believable as The Judge accusing other members of penny pinching and alcoholism. You're a smoker of cock, a connoisseur of cum, a right bent cunt. There's no shame in it and certainly no reason why you should try to deflect...mate.

When I'm not snorting lines off of a black man's old chap, I've been known to put a sentence or two together.

It's a devolution of the mind, and quite the outrage when you consider the country that this has been implemented in. A nation that once boasted the envy of the free-thinking literati of Europe, amongst whom stood the likes of Adam Smith, David Hulme and Adam Ferguson. I doubt you will ever now see a second Scottish enlightenment where its citizens will lead the world in theorising, philosophising and innovating the way humankind in the future will adapt and evolve its attitudes towards society, the economy and literature. What hope is there of a second 'The Theory of Moral Sentiments' when your average woad-wearer can no longer say "nig-nog" on Twitter without fear of censure? Shameful.

You're clutching at straws, Frankie goes to Hollywood. The only thing you can see is a great big black cock hurtling towards you through the glory hole you're currently crouched at. Lolololololol.

The numerous references to your back door specialist proclivities is hardly an indication that I also indulge in marathon gobbling sessions. Queer is as queer does as they say in the deepest and darkest regions of Soho. If the white plimsoll fits you can hardly complain when every time your name is referenced by either myself or anyone else on here, it's usually in conjunction with a homophobic slur. In other words, if you want it to stop, cease dressing like a twelve year old, gender neutral San Franciscan. Take a hammer to your bent as fuck dog and replace it with an Alsatian, and don't post any more nominations about how badly you want to fuck a hairy soldier-dwarf. Do you know what I mean...mate?

It's the bugle.

It's apparently known as the John Steed fetish down at the old Duncan. Insert, twist and open. Although why you'd want to spend half a grand on something that mainly lives up your arsehole I don't know. Have you ever considered cock as a cheaper alternative? Lolololololol.