There’s nothing more irritating than hearing some pseudo-hippy say Glastonbury ‘changed their life’, and watching Coldplay on the pyramid stage was a ‘transcendental experience’
How fucking shit was your life before ‘glasto’, if lying in a farm resembling the Somme, listening to irrelevant shitty indie bands after a few tokes of shitty soapbar is the peak of it?
There’s a Glastonbury Facebook group full of thousands of these idiots, planning morning yoga classes and packing their wellies, novelty camping chairs and Prosecco three months in advance.
They’ll wear the wristbands for years to come, and bore everyone with interminable anecdotes about listening to Bob Geldof warbling on stage in some kind of 1969 battle re-enactment.
I’ve enjoyed a lot of festivals over the years, and some of my best war stories involve tripping my box off at them, but glasto is a cross section of all society’s cunts all gathered in one place.