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Tata Steely Dan

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About Tata Steely Dan

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    Epic Cunt

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  1. Tata Steely Dan

    Bugging your own house.

    I keep hearing an advert on the radio for some service whereby you bug your own house. The premise is that the people in the house have gone on holiday, left the goldfish with the neighbours, and forgotten about whether they locked the back door. The obvious solution would be to phone the fish-bothering neighbour cunts and get them to check. But oh no! These cunts must be from London or something, where anything beyond a salutatory grunt to your neighbour gets the police called on you. The obvious solution, therefore, is to rig your house with a camera network. Same shit on the TV. Install a camera network in your house to make sure your dog isn't trashing the gaff. Amazon started this nonsense with 'Alexa', the open microphone you invite into your house. Now you install a camera system to go with it. If you think that you are the only people who can, and will, access these devices then you are a fucking idiot. In Orwell's 1984, government surveillance devices were mandatory installations in every home. In the real world we voluntarily install this shit and pretend it is doing us a favour.
  2. Tata Steely Dan

    Another royal suckling wedding in the pipeline

    Some might say he's pulled pork. Stuffing, apple sauce, extra crackling. Oh yes.
  3. Tata Steely Dan

    Chocolate Chip Ginger Nuts.

    Will the Hewitt lad's offspring have a better crack at the throne than that gargoyle that got married at the weekend there?
  4. Tata Steely Dan

    Bloggers and Vloggers.

    An acceptable form of unemployment for Hooray Henriettas. Speak to anybody who works in a decent hotel or restaurant, and they are constantly fending off privileged white girls looking for a freebie in exchange for their 'influencing' work, or whatever. If you read a book by an actual chef, travel writer or journalist then you can trust they know their shit. Some stupid wee girl trying to avoid getting a real job is none of the above. I once won a 'tasting experience' for a new liqueur. I was there to enjoy the drinks, but I was surrounded by fat twenty-something girls with blue or purple hair. They all had ££££ Digital SLR cameras, running on full auto . They were all taking the same shitty photographs of "the presentation" to put on their stupid, pointless blogs. None of these girls knew how to write or take photos, but they somehow thought their words mattered. "Its a beauty blog, yeah, about my personal battle with depression, and my travel, and I also blog about food and my pet dog, yeah?". Fuck off.
  5. Tata Steely Dan

    Cunts who go on “pride” marches

    So much of their "culture" hinges on terrible drag queens, ancient musicals, ABBA singalongs and rampant promiscuity. It is like they are actively living up to the negative stereotypes. You see these pride marches, and you wonder what they are actually proud of. They are accepted everywhere (except Mosques, Orange lodges and within the Hasidic Jewish community) in this country, so what is the otherness that they are still fighting against? We've given ~1 % of the population this massive platform, and now it seems they just want to live up to the stereotypes of shallowness, promiscuity, materialism and general cattiness. All while rewarding themselves with a massive pat on the back for 'having it so rough', even though they are openly accepted 99% of the time, and in a lot of circumstances are actually favoured and rewarded simply for existing. I know a few gay people, and they fall into two camps (geddit?). Normal blokes who go to B&Q and railway museums, and who just happen to be gay. Then there are the flaming "OMG, this Queen just broke. A. Nail!" variety, who can't change a light bulb without turning it into an existential drama.
  6. Tata Steely Dan

    Genderquake.

    I thought these sorts of groups always had higher levels of suicide and domestic abuse than us much vilified normal folk? Why not simply let nature take its course?
  7. Tata Steely Dan

    Eurovision.

    Shite for woofters and fat Aldi prosecco-swilling women. I was hoping that Brexit would mean this sort of crap was banished from our screens for ever. Yet it seems like every two-bit former Russian enclave has found an inoffensively effete poofer boy or ugly horse-faced girl to sing some bland, contrived shit at this contest. The voting is always rigged , racist and incestuous. The rest of Europe hates us anyway, so we will sink without a trace. This hasn't stopped us from sending in some joyless northern dyke with white hair, in the vain hope that by sending in a LGBTBBQ+ minority we might be able to squeeze a vote or two from the Belarusians. Fuck these shit-tier European countries. You are only countries until Putin decides he needs somewhere new to park his MiGs. Fuck off.
  8. Tata Steely Dan

    Burglary victim?

    That looks shit enough to be Malta. Is it Malta?
  9. Tata Steely Dan

    Meghan Markle

    Meghan Markle is better looking than Diana was.
  10. Tata Steely Dan

    Winnie Mandela

    These Winnie Mandela jokes are getting a bit tyring.
  11. Tata Steely Dan

    When the fun stops

    I wonder what would happen if the Queen decided she wanted to murder some fool. Would her fixers try and make it happen for her?
  12. Tata Steely Dan

    Fibromyalgia again. Fuck off.

    Astonishing grammar there. I'm surprised that one of the resident women on here is rushing to the defense of hypochondriacs. Not!
  13. Tata Steely Dan

    Quaint village pubs

    We're all on the spectrum somewhere. Just ask my Allen Key collection.
  14. Tata Steely Dan

    Fibromyalgia again. Fuck off.

    Nommed before, but nommed shittily, so nommed again. Fibromyalgia is a fictitious illness suffered almost exclusively by middle aged women who spend too much time sitting down, eat too much shitty food and who spend too much time on the Internet. It has maddeningly vague symptoms that generally boil down to feeling a bit tired and feeling a bit achy. Basically what happens to the human body when you rarely exercise, rarely eat healthily and start to get older. The problem is that "fibro" sufferers don't want to hear that, so they whine endlessly about the struggle to find a 'sympathetic' doctor; ie one who will tell them what they want to hear rather than what they need to hear. Again this just seems like a decline in standards. "Fibro" sufferers believe that the qualifications and experience of doctors can be written off in favour of their personal, ill-informed opinions. It also feeds their narcissistic belief that they're somehow suffering and worthy of attention and help. As such any specialist advice can somehow be up for debate by people who source all their facts from echo chambers on the Internet. If the feminists were smart then they would point out that women propagate these fictional diseases because society has taught them that they simply can't age. Fibromyalgia is simply the manifestation of an unwillingness in women to grow old gracefully, and instead they have to believe somewhat militantly that they are 18, or thereabouts, for ever. Feminists aren't smart enough to figure this out because they are women after all. LOL
  15. Tata Steely Dan

    Quaint village pubs

    Occasionally when I'm very bored I go on Google maps, head to the south of England, and zoom in until all the parochial wee shithole villages appear. Some dickhead town that only exists because two roads intersect, but has been there since the fucking Domesay book. Then I look for the pub in that village, look it up on Trip Advisor, and then read all the one star reviews. Most of those reviews verify what Neil asserts here. All the local cunts say "best roast beef ever", the insular fuckwits.
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