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Cap'n Cunt

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About Cap'n Cunt

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  • Gender
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    .... A big house with three shitters
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975 profile views
  1. Cunt Judges

    Judge Rinder is certainly a cunt. I hear that having split from his bumchum of 11 years, he's very upset. Judge Judy isn't a cunt at all, though I suspect that she may have a modicum of Jewish blood in her veins. Despite her advanced age, I wouldn't mind her giving me some corporal punishment. I get all tumescent just thinking about it.
  2. The Minister for Loneliness

    @Mrs Roops - ref your editing of my original post, could you enlighten me as to why it's OK to mention Jon Venables, Peter Sutcliffe et al, but not Thomas Mair? I'm not out to cause trouble here, I'm just seeking help to enable me to cunt more efficiently in future. Best Regards Cap'n
  3. The Minister for Loneliness

    Lonely? Depressed? No friends? Never fear, Mrs May has appointed a Minister for Loneliness who will come round to your residence and.... umm... stop you being lonely, in some way or another. Tracey Crouch, appointed as aforesaid Minister, is to 'continue the work of Jo Cox'.
  4. Funeral attending

    You seem like a reasonable chap, Neil, so I'd be more than happy to attend your funeral. I have a couple of days free next week so if you could endeavour to shrug off your mortal coil by the weekend that would be super. If you could leave me a selection of unspoilt wank mags in your will that would be much appreciated.
  5. The sacking of Toby Young

    This is cruel, disgusting and outrageously offensive. Well done!
  6. Cunts Who Smoke in Public Doorways

    Sir Walter Raleigh invented fags, potatoes and bicycles, and he was hard as fuck. If you don't like the smell of tobacco, you're most likely gay.
  7. Gwyneth Paltrow's coffee enemas

    I think it more likely that Gwyneth shoved things up Chris Martin's arse rather than the other way round, given the suicide-inducing shite that he comes out with. I'd almost go so far as to admit that I'd rather have voles shoved up my bum than listen to Coldplay.
  8. Gwyneth Paltrow's coffee enemas

    I fucking knew that. I was just making allowances for the uneducated.
  9. Gwyneth Paltrow's coffee enemas

    There are several things I'd like to stick up Gwyneth Paltrow's ringpiece, including my cock, but until now I'd never considered coffee. After reading this: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/09/gwyneth-paltrow-goop-coffee-enema-colonic-irrigation (I was initially quite disgusted, but then I got a stiffy and had a wank whilst thinking about pumping some Maxwell House up my colon) I'm wondering if Starbucks and Costa will be offering to squirt latte or flat white up your arse rather than serve it in cups, and if so, will you still get one of those little biscuit things?
  10. The sacking of Toby Young

    A prime example of baldism. If he'd had a 'fro he'd still have a job. I must say I don't like his beard, though.
  11. Splitarses in the SAS

    Having ladies on the battlefield is a bad idea. Imagine coming across a fresh female corpse in the heat of battle, perhaps with her clothes blown off. You'd have to stop shooting and have a wank, or perhaps a sneaky finger if it was still warm.
  12. Michael Wolff is a massive cunt says top politician

    That's a shame. I was hoping he might be aborted.
  13. Employer Cunts

    Don't go there. You'll start a Saville row. I'll get me cigar.
  14. NHS Winter Crisis v64.0

    Stanley Milligram was a cunt, too. But on a much smaller scale.
  15. Employer Cunts

    Can admin create a safe space on CC, please? I feel threatened.