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Last Cunt Standing

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About Last Cunt Standing

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    Massive Cunt

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  1. Bryan Gunn had a very weird Bald Mullet going on back in the day, as I remember. Like many 90’s goalies he used to get dogs abuse with his back to the Away end. In fact it was one over-exuberant supporter threatening Neville Southall’s young family that convinced me football wasn’t for me any more. Can’t say I’ve missed it, until I got dragged to an AFL game recently and had flashbacks to the days of pissed up beMulleted men slagging off men they’d give their right arm to be.
  2. Yes but it’s all worth it for the moment you hand them the FP10 for Proctosedyl and tell them they can shove it up their arse. “What, the prescription?”. I knew of a man who did just that, imagining than an oblong of green paper was a cure for his Farmers.
  3. Sharon will surely develop a sudden urge to go down on Big Mo.
  4. I’d have bet that Neil’s favourite Reg song would’ve been Someone Shagged My Wife Tonight. Followed inevitably by The Itch is Back and Goodbye Yellow Dick Hole.
  5. Watermelon isn’t hyphenated you stupid fucking cunt.
  6. I can think of no finer tribute to Big Bob, who I imagine is trading stories with Saddam as we speak.
  7. The anger will come later Spotto, for now much of the World has got the popcorn out watching this farce unwind in the Mother of Parliaments. My Somalian cab driver this morning asked me “what the fuck is going on with the Brexit?”, causing me to bite my tongue so hard I drew blood.
  8. And funny. Don’t forget funny. The rest of the world is pissing itself.
  9. Married to an attractive white woman, too. I’m sure you’ll approve.
  10. Another fucking disgrace in progress at Headingley. And add to it the exquisite agony of smug Channel Nine presenters grinning under the banner headline “Pomageddon”. Bastards. I’m going to bed.
  11. I imagine you’re a great advert for abortion you sad little man. You’d probably talk less bollocks with a knitting needle through your scalp even now, to be honest. Shouldn’t you be at Mass? Your knee cushion is waiting for you.
  12. The UK has lost its measles-free status I see, with 231 cases reported in the last year. A triumph for the stupid, as humanity continues to hurtle backwards. Next stop, Rickets and Consumption. Iron lungs all round!
  13. Remember those T shirts they had printed up? Unfortunately, given the high number of tubby bastards in that dreadful West Yorkshire slum, most of the T shirts were stretched so tight poor Shannon’s face was reminiscent of Rocky Dennis from Mask.
  14. These dubious little cunts are taking us all for fools. Whether it’s a Boeing 777 which miraculously falls off radar in the general direction of Africa, a prank assassination of a prominent North Korean, or a little Irish girl with Patau Syndrome who finds her inner Bear Grylls, there’s more fiction coming out of Kaula Lumpur these days than Jackanory. How do you not find a naked white teenager in a jungle flooded with 3000 troops? How does not eating for four days result in a perforated colon? How does a developmentally disabled girl open her own window and slip out in the night unheard? Why was she naked? I know this much, if it turns out that the parents were nearby eating tapas with friends, there’ll be holy hell to pay.
  15. Oh I dunno, I believe there’s a certain high profile live case in Berkshire which will be investigated in an exemplary fashion, even if it means knocking on every caravan and nicking every illiterate drive tarmac layer in a 200 mile radius.
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