I know you lot have done the cuntishness "Coffee wankers" previously, but here's a new one on me. Back in the day, when I was advising Nescafe on the blending of three of the finest types of beans, you could get what you wanted in a cafe simply by asking. Wind forward to the present day, with me at the counter of a "boutique" coffee shop (no other nearby options, before you Gareth me for that), and the fucker won't serve me an Americano. "We don't water down our coffee", says the smug cunt behind the counter. Fucking wax-tached, moonfaced freak refused to make it like I want it and smart-eyed me as though *I'm* the cunt. Luckily, I had a sachet of Nescafe and found a half full pot of hot water that some hipster got with his herbal tea. Gareth.