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  1. Last Cunt Standing

    Small Fortune, ITV1.

    The intellectual titans at ITV continue to redefine barrel-scraping shite with their latest Saturday night attempt at a game show. For the unindoctrinated, shaven headed oirish cheeky chappy twat Dermot fucks about with models, and sadly not the Lucy Pinder variety. Various groups of pub bores in entry shield specs then pontificate about how hard to flick a marble, with multiple practice attempts to pad the 60 minute run time. Lingering shots of nicotine-stained index fingers and tattooed callosities abound as these imbeciles hover over a tiny replica newspaper which needs flicking three inches for 50 grand. What the fuck the producers were smoking I don’t know, but I imagine they were reading Jonathan Swift. I’m already looking forward to next weeks tombola round, followed by a nerve biting guess the weight of the cake. I realise it’s all bread and circuses for the legions of flat-roofed pub inhabitants, but Jesus fucking Christ this is awful. Magnus Magnusson must be spinning in his burning longship.
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