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Now Mrs Mon C wanted go somewhere nice for Easter. So following on from the shit floating turd fest that was Venice last year, we opted for something a bit more hip and with it this year. Hartlepool was fully booked so we plumbed for the big apple, this old town, manhattan. Trip advisor did not mention any of the following, so pay attention cunts.. Don't book with Booking dot com, Fucking idiots yeah. They do not advise you of the need to fill in you ESTA application with the $35 fee online before you go, but then again you are met by some delightful representatives of Delta airlines before you get to their desks, who inform you that there is a computer over there that cost £6 per 10 minutes that you can apply for ESTA online. With Mrs Mon in a dizzy fit I duly sorted matters only to find that actually like I,had expected, the airline hand out little forms just before landing...cunts. Holiday already ruined due to inappropriate use of the words "the fuck, cunt, shut the, up". I experience intermittent vision but no sound for the rest of the day from Mrs Mon. Despite booking Virgin Airways you are dumped onto a fucking shite delta airlines flight with staff fresh from their dinner ladies shift at the old folks home in the film cocoon. You wait 2 hours 48 minutes in a huge holding pen waiting in line to go through one of only two immigration passport desks at JFK, no wonder they shot that cunt. Your luxuary chauffeur car that you booked with fucking dot yeah fucks off because he's never heard it takes that long to clear immigration because he's a lying cunt and didn't even turn up anyway, it's a scam they pull every day. I always thought that a chauffeur was paid to fucking wait on his master. Otherwise he's a fucking taxi. Manhattan is impressive if you like tall buildings, no sight of the sky, cheap shit hot dog vendors on every corner, paying $129 for three sandwiches and drinks in a diner cafe, $450 for 3 people x 3 breakfasts...that's $50 each if you do the MATH sir. Fuck off Cunts is MATHS. Makes the $580 dollars for 3 knicks tickets at Maddison square gardens seem positively frugal, along with $880 for a 20 minute helicopter ride. Where are all the fat people. I was told there would be lots of fat people to look at and call fat cunts. They are simply not to be seen. Just lots of slim active nubile 20 somethings pacing around the place no doubt sitting on sofas in coffee shops with only the two nerdy ones fucking each other despite all being friends for over ten years. No doubt they are unable to afford a lunch, and when it is served up to you, you find yourself looking at a dozen thin fries decanted into a small cup and a burger smaller in stature than the shitest offerings of the ubiquitous golden M which we avoided like the plague and yet they were mobbed by idiots. So much for large American portions. Furthermore, paying $275 to stand in a que for 2 hours for the privelidge of traveling a few feet in a lift to see the top of the Empire State gets you to understand why the Big Monkey got all upperty and thinking, "fuck it ...this bastard que is proper shite I'm climbing up there, come on luv hold my hand"! New York is quite positively THE most expensive way to spunk $6500 in 4 days on a city break without drugs, parties and hookers being involved. That's Hartlepool.