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The unpronounceable Icelandic volcano that sounds like "I fly in yoghurt" or "Al Fayed is a joker". Guilty of causing untold misery and stranding millions of holidaymakers by spewing its fetid bowels and creating a Health & Safety panic for the airlines, its ash is just about the only thing the Icelanders have given us instead of just repaying their debts like honest people. We should send back Bjork to sing in front of it until either she or the volcano shuts up. Since no British newscaster has had the nerve to mention the volcano by name, I propose we change it to That Cunt Volcano from Iceland, and be done with it.

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