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Two of these chiselling feathery twatters got stuck in my loft last night. Being a noble kind of guy and responding to my kid's pleas to set them free, up I went. Three (count 'em!) three hours later, after much sweating and flapping and with a mighty Braveheart roar of 'FREEDOM' the ungrateful avian shitbags were released, only to find my family had gone to bed. Fuck them, fuck me, double fuck the Starlings and fuck that 17 year old Liverpool winger who's only one vowel away from the Armageddon I'm wishing on them all.

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