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Slow Stairers


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Slow Stairer Cunts - The bane of society since man began wanting to go either up a level, or down a level. - By some sick twist of fate, Slow Stairers appear almost exclusively when you are late for work, running for your life, or are being harassed by people from council estates 'axing' you for change because they lost their phones and need to call their mothers. Who don't exist. - Slow Stairers appear to operate in 2 modes : Firstly - 'Psychic Shuffle Mode'. Always one step ahead of you when trying to exit train stations or traverse office buildings, they seem to be able to pre-empt your every move, swerving infront of you, blocking your path, just as you try for an overtake on the stairs. In rare cases, they're known to extend their arms out selfishly, taking hold of the stair rails on either side, so nobody may pass. The majority of stair rail offenders appear to be elderly. With cunts talking on mobiles being a close second. - The second mode is 'Group Co-ordinated Blocking Mode'. Slow Stairers will operate with a hive-like mind, shifting into formations that block your every attempt at an overtake on the stairs, usually by using their fat arses to ensure you never want to be nose-to-ring with them. The makeup of this group varies wildly, taking the form of 'Fat Best Friends Talking', 'Single Mother + 6 multi-coloured kids', Chavvy Loudspeaker Cunts' and 'Spastic-Legged Elderly Nigerians Who Smell Like Shit'. - We can only suppose just how many people have missed interviews, deadlines, or shat themselves, due to the selfish fat minging cunts who have a pointless life and are in no rush to get anywhere.

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