David Bowie

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Sorry, but I can't understand all the idolatory aimed at this simpering twat. He never, ever 'meant it'. He started out as an R&B 'mod scenester' in the mid-sixties. Fair enough. When that failed, he turned to Anthony Newley-styled music hall bollocks. That didn't sell. So he trotted out 'the Laughing Gnome' to cash in on Pink Floyd's 'haunted nursery' brand of Syd Barratt psychedelia. Then he decided he was a wacky mime artist. Then a singer-songwriter. When that was going up its own arse fast, he ripped off Lou Reed (who is also a cunt) and the New York Dolls for his androgynous glam rock phase - in short, dressing up like a twat and pretending to be a woofter with Mick Ronson, deliberately courting controversy so nobody would notice how dreary his middle of the road rock tosh was. Then came 'plastic soul' - dear God, how pathetic. A limpid, emotionally inert take on one of the most emotionally charged and raw forms of music ever created. Then he's a fucking electro-pop artist. I'm sorry, but ditching your style because it's not selling is a fucking pathetic thing to do. The Who never did it because they didn't need to - they were still opening concerts with 'I Can't Explain' over a decade after it was released. They developed their style, which is a bit different to Bowie's "now I'm this, now I'm that" trend-chasing charlatanism. 'Dancing in the Streets' with Mick 'the cunt' Jagger - Christ on a bike, how dreadful. Tin Machine - no further comment needed. Releases a below average track - his first in ten years - and the world spunks like a fucking volcano.