Guest Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 I stayed over at some friends house a couple of days ago. My friends are young, "into the scene", worshipers of everything aesthetically pleasing and impractical. Before we met for a macrobiotic breakfast in their ueber-modern-surgery-room-look-alike-kitchen, I planned on taking a shower. What a collossal fucking stupid idea! The floor wasn't tile, oh no! but rocks! And I mean big grey porous fucking rocks! Since the water can't all flow down the drain freely, it's old piss-water soaked with slippery soap and shampoo everywhere! When I saw how disgusting the floor was I desinfected myself by pouring a full bottle of mouthwash all over me. Never mind that the water splashing out of all the faucets is blood thirsty red! Fuck this ultra-design from hell. What happened to clean and practical? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 You've got some pretty funky friends! Or, as we call them here, cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 Re-design the fucking canned tuna! Keep it simple with the canned tuna. Too many "dimensions" like : Brand, size, kind of tuna, kind of liquid in the can. Make it simple, make it easier to recognise an image of what fucking tuna in what liquid I want. Make the solid whites look alike and put them in the same damn coloured can. Can't be that difficult to design a simple effective way to identify the fucking canned tuna you want to buy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 I've had friends like that but hey guess what? I fucked them off. As for the tuna Kenny you've lost me there, as I only eat fish direct from the water. Unfortunately not salmon as I got 2 months for that. The magistrate wasn't fooled with the tears and me claiming I didnt know I had to have a license Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 I Can Tina Tuna - Simply The Bass My mum's favourite programme was Peyton Plaice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 I went to buy shampoo last week. What the fuck ? I could have spent a good 2 confused hours in that aisle. Some choices were dry, brittle, oily, thin look. split ends and ....... and shine release ? What the fuck is shine release eh ? Tangerine and bergamot flavour ? - I thought Bergamot was a rodent thing ? I almost went for something that fought The seven signs of ageing hair ? I could guess going grey was one, but what the fuck are the others ? And all of them, from the 99p stuff to the £15.95 one, all contained the fucking same ingredients. I'm just going to wear a fucking hat all winter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 Bahhhh. Fuck all of that nonsense. I go for the 'All In One' shampoo. Sure, it dries me scalp out like fuck, but you cannot have it both ways, and me carpets & couch are like brand-spanking new. Why, you try finding any limescale deposits under the rim of my shitter and/or the back of me neck. Give me 1001 any day of the week... Windolene is best for your teeth. Jazzster, you are saying "me" instead of "my" a lot ? Has Witch Lambskin brainwashed you ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 It's the same with sex. All these fuckin stupid positions are giving me a bad back rather than the horn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 It's the same with sex. All these fuckin stupid positions are giving me a bad back rather than the horn. Get a waterbed and make her go on top then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 I went to buy shampoo last week. What the fuck ? I could have spent a good 2 confused hours in that aisle. Some choices were dry, brittle, oily, thin look. split ends and ....... and shine release ? What the fuck is shine release eh ? Tangerine and bergamot flavour ? - I thought Bergamot was a rodent thing ? I almost went for something that fought The seven signs of ageing hair ? I could guess going grey was one, but what the fuck are the others ? And all of them, from the 99p stuff to the £15.95 one, all contained the fucking same ingredients. I'm just going to wear a fucking hat all winter. Shave your head and save yourself the time and annoyance of shopping for the poofy scented shit. Leave the hair care product to the womenz, so we have something to pull while giving them a right proper seeing to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 Hairy liquid? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 When flying, you usually get an unopened pack of moist small towels because your hands get filthy dirty just sitting on a plane doing nothing. In theory, they do have a top secret flap on the package where you can pull out a towel and re-seal the package so the rest doesn't dry out. I have seen passengers spending hours trying to rip the fucking package open. Why not write "Open here" where you are supposed to open it? Those packaging designers and manufacturers must be laughing up their sleeves. Selling more of the stuff this way, as most end up in the bin, dried up. Of course they keep changing the area where they put the f'cking flap, it's that damn secret. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 You've got some pretty funky friends! Or, as we call them here, cunts. We both like easy access to women, unfortunately he got her pregnant, married and became a follower of macrobiotics and modern uber-design, thanks to his queasy conscience of his past. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 too right, and with a bit of practice you can clean-out the Wok at the same time. ... or the driveway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 Shampoo is exactly the same product as washing up liquid, use Fairy on your hair. Your not wrong - that sodium laurel sulphite ? sulphate ? whatever - its all the same shit - and bubble bath is too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 Shave your head and save yourself the time and annoyance of shopping for the poofy scented shit. Leave the hair care product to the womenz, so we have something to pull while giving them a right proper seeing to. Sexist filth......nice one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 I'm sure that I read somewhere that Oscar Pistorius uses "Head & Shoulders" That's right, and athletes foot cream. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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