Guest MikeD Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 You're the best man at a mates wedding, you obviously know the guy well enough for him to even consider you. So why the fuck do you need to write down what you have to say about him, can't you remember anything you've ever done together? And they're usually painfully unfunny as well. Use your imagination you cunts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 Best man at my doomed wedding did an on the fly speech and it was inflammatory, defamatory, highly litigious and very exaggerated. Was exactly as it should have been! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 Spot on. A lot of people at a wedding you won't know and probably won't see again so the more of the cunts you can offend the better. I did my mates one a few years ago, drunk and making it up as I went. He was almost pissing himself laughing but his wife sat with her head in her hands most of the time. They've split up now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 I find the "perky copulator" joke is pretty much guaranteed to turn the bride's father a dark and angry shade of purple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 'Bukkake bitch' goes down a storm as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 The job of the best man is the shittiest job ever and I would not put any of my mates through that. The wedding reception is a complete shit hole of a place to be in, period. Full of cunts dressed up like cunts, talking and acting like cunts. And no doubt thinking like cunts. No, not my idea of a day out at all. I'd sooner roll around in razor wire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 It's okay if he's prepared to accept the hassle from the wife and the shame of his pissed mate making it up as he goes and offending every cunt there. But actual written speeches are usually as funny as fucking toothache. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colonelkurtz Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 Nothing better than a juiced best man speech ... you get guests walking out in disgust and a priceless photo collection of facial expressions ....been there and i recommend it as a great way to spend an afternoon ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 When I did my mate's one I was informed later, as I can't remember anything after it, that although everyone looked horrified most of the blokes came up later and said they fucking loved it. Job done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 I got asked a few weeks ago to be best man for a good friend of mine. I said yes, but now i want to do a complete 180 and tell him to stick it up his fucking arse. Not the nicest thing a mate can do, but i'd rather boil my head in skunk shit than speak in front of a load of cunts who just want you to shut up so they can start stuffing their faces and get wankered anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 I went to a wedding in Ireland last week, it was fucking brilliant. I was to busy being pissed to take any notice of the best man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 My third time last month. Trick is to keep everyone waiting as long as possible and get the booze flowing. Fuck doing it when they are all relatively sober. Then slate the fuck out of the groom and hang the consequences. I kept mentioning his ex wife ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted November 27, 2014 Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 He'll be far too busy trying to catch the brides bouquet. Dammit, Janet! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted November 28, 2014 Report Share Posted November 28, 2014 Nothing better than a juiced best man speech ... you get guests walking out in disgust and a priceless photo collection of facial expressions ....been there and i recommend it as a great way to spend an afternoon ! Not to mention a lifetime of never being asked to do it again. I've had to do it twice now, and never fucking again. A cuntish practice at best. If speeches must be made, how about the bride and fucking groom say something? Thanking everybody for the monetary contributions and attending their boring as fuck, predictable and eternally tedious affair would be a good start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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