Guest ducunti Posted February 5, 2015 Report Share Posted February 5, 2015 Why is it every time I get into my car the fucker decides to remind me to put my seat belt on, not even considering on that particular day I may have decided to throw caution to the wind and break the law. Then the cunt wants to tell me to change gear because it's more economical, not contemplating on that particular day I couldn't give a fuck.Then after all that the clever fucker then tells me to drive the wrong way up a one way street because that's the way to get where I want to go. Why can't I buy a car that just goes where I want it to and let's me do the thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted February 5, 2015 Report Share Posted February 5, 2015 Driver AIDS... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted February 5, 2015 Report Share Posted February 5, 2015 Fuck me, what car is this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted February 5, 2015 Report Share Posted February 5, 2015 My screen and my dash flashed up with 3 different messages when I started it today, whilst fucking beeping the whole time. YES - I know the handbrake is off, I just fucking took it off. YES - I know I need washer fluid, I'm just trying to go to the bastard garage now. YES - I know there is a fucking car in front of me, I parked behind the cunt last night as its my driveway. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 5, 2015 Report Share Posted February 5, 2015 Fuck me, what car is this? It's the bastard love child of Kit and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 5, 2015 Report Share Posted February 5, 2015 You don't get this shite with bikes. Buy a Triumph. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted February 5, 2015 Report Share Posted February 5, 2015 Fuck me, what car is this? It's the bastard love child of Kit and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. It sounds like it should be called the Fiat Gobshite Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 5, 2015 Report Share Posted February 5, 2015 Good nom. Too much shit in cars today and difficult to avoid it. I have memory seats (why?), rear parking camera that's just a distraction, heated seats that just make you think you've pissed your pants. Dual zone climate control? In a steel box? Have you studied the physics of that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colonelkurtz Posted February 5, 2015 Report Share Posted February 5, 2015 good nom dc ....only yesterday while sat behind a bloke in a morris minor traveller i found myself thinking to myself " what a lucky cunt " ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted February 5, 2015 Report Share Posted February 5, 2015 Why does Alfa suddenly think I can't drive down a hill without their assistance. I put my foot down and the cunting Mito's revving is spazzy guts out and going nowhere. What's worse is it's designed so you can't disengage the twat. I'm getting rid in the summer, if I don't set fire to it first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 5, 2015 Report Share Posted February 5, 2015 good nom dc ....only yesterday while sat behind a bloke in a morris minor traveller i found myself thinking to myself " what a lucky cunt " ! Yeah but he had Sam Fox's jugs in his face. Phwooaaarrrrrrr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted February 6, 2015 Report Share Posted February 6, 2015 Why is it every time I get into my car the fucker decides to remind me to put my seat belt on, not even considering on that particular day I may have decided to throw caution to the wind and break the law. Then the cunt wants to tell me to change gear because it's more economical, not contemplating on that particular day I couldn't give a fuck.Then after all that the clever fucker then tells me to drive the wrong way up a one way street because that's the way to get where I want to go. Why can't I buy a car that just goes where I want it to and let's me do the thinking. Just tell the car to fuck off, pull some fuses that allow the cunt to run it's gob, and take control. That'll sort the fucker right out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cuntcrapper Posted February 6, 2015 Report Share Posted February 6, 2015 Good nom. Too much shit in cars today and difficult to avoid it. I have memory seats (why?), rear parking camera that's just a distraction, heated seats that just make you think you've pissed your pants. Dual zone climate control? In a steel box? Have you studied the physics of that? I find the heated seat a bloody good aid when my tena pants get a bit full towards the end of the day. Finding a quiet lay-by, I discard the soggy pad in the hedge and switch the seat up to full. By the time I get home, my trousers are dry and after a squirt of 'Glade Linen Spray' their as good as new for the next time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 6, 2015 Report Share Posted February 6, 2015 Me noo car will park itself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted February 6, 2015 Report Share Posted February 6, 2015 Me noo car will park itself That is a short step away from a car that drives itself. I would hate that, but perhaps jizzmonkey may get hold of an early one and stop risking everyone else with his over the limit range rover shenanigans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted February 6, 2015 Report Share Posted February 6, 2015 I saw a fat cunt in one the other day, she was fucking wearing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted February 7, 2015 Report Share Posted February 7, 2015 I need to drive along a private farmers track to get home I like to pretend it's the 70s so off comes the seatbelt and I open a beer ensuring a milder manner on arriiving home. I am sure I don't have to tell you that the ensuing "ding ding ding" is a proper fucking vibe kill! Reminds me of going to a show once... it was at Santa Pod or some such.. I drove darf sarf.. was bored when I got there and wanting to "give it some" in the venacular... when we got near the entrance there was a queue for a mile or so, so I opened the sunroof, got up and sat on the roof, sat talking to the cars front, backand sides, cracked open a tin and told my mate to drive in... I was pissed as a cunt before we got passed the ticket office nevermind anywhere near the camping spot... next day had to make an emergency run into the nearest town for more supplies.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted February 7, 2015 Report Share Posted February 7, 2015 Yeah but he had Sam Fox's jugs in his face. Phwooaaarrrrrrr Great thought Ratters, but unfortunatly the Sam Fox jugs are women only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 8, 2015 Report Share Posted February 8, 2015 I was driving up the motorway the other week when a message flashed up on the screen with a 'bing bing' noise that said 'Anti pollution detector my be faulty'! What the fuck is an anti pollution detector and what the fuck happens if it doesn't work? I had visions of the car exploding and the police finding my smouldering body in a fucking field a mile away still strapped to the seat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted February 9, 2015 Report Share Posted February 9, 2015 I was driving up the motorway the other week when a message flashed up on the screen with a 'bing bing' noise that said 'Anti pollution detector my be faulty'! What the fuck is an anti pollution detector and what the fuck happens if it doesn't work? I had visions of the car exploding and the police finding my smouldering body in a fucking field a mile away still strapped to the seat! Isn't that the little cunting gizmo about CO2 emissions and such, the stuff the leftie cunts are always crying about? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 9, 2015 Report Share Posted February 9, 2015 Isn't that the little cunting gizmo about CO2 emissions and such, the stuff the leftie cunts are always crying about? You mean the leftie cunts who pick their kids up from school in their huge 4x4's even though they live 5 minute walk away? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted February 9, 2015 Report Share Posted February 9, 2015 I've had a German car for the last three years and I still can't work out how to turn the rear washer/wipe off once I've turned it on. It's so cuntish that I haven't used it since after a couple of weeks of taking delivery of the fucking thing. How the fuck does it turn off? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 9, 2015 Report Share Posted February 9, 2015 I've had a German car for the last three years and I still can't work out how to turn the rear washer/wipe off once I've turned it on. It's so cuntish that I haven't used it since after a couple of weeks of taking delivery of the fucking thing. How the fuck does it turn off? If it's German, the quickest way to turn it off would be to gently whisper sweet nothings to it in Yiddish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted February 9, 2015 Report Share Posted February 9, 2015 Isn't that the little cunting gizmo about CO2 emissions and such, the stuff the leftie cunts are always crying about? Its the cunting little gizmo that dealers like to charge about twelve hundred quid for, although it probably costs them about fifty quid imported from China. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted February 9, 2015 Report Share Posted February 9, 2015 I've had a German car for the last three years and I still can't work out how to turn the rear washer/wipe off once I've turned it on. It's so cuntish that I haven't used it since after a couple of weeks of taking delivery of the fucking thing. How the fuck does it turn off? Did you try the RTFM method Gongers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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