camberwell gypsy Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 Bumped into a friend this morning who's 2 year old toddler was decked out in green as well as her. In her best middle class dialect she said "Oh Timothy (her husband) and I are celebrating our Irish heritage". Apparently her great grandmother on her mum's side was from Mayo and her husband Timothy's Great uncle once looked at a map of Ireland. She then said "We're going out tonight just for the crack" chuckle chuckle. I politely said goodbye before I hit her with my fucking tote bag.Now both my parents were Irish but you don't see me skipping around with a fucking 'allo allo type Irish accent saying "craic' and "beggora". Fecking English bastards that they are! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 Too right , in my local pub at the moment opposite st barts hospital ,Irish flags up , barmaids dressed in sponsored green Guinness shirts and city types explaining the tenuous links to the old country. Funny that st paddy was born in England, Fucking potatoe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 Ask them if they are taking a nail-bomb to the party... or shooting some prison officers' wife and kids just 'for the craic".... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted March 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 Too right , in my local pub at the moment opposite st barts hospital ,Irish flags up , barmaids dressed in sponsored green Guinness shirts and city types explaining the tenuous links to the old country. Funny that st paddy was born in the uk Fucking potatoe As far as I know, he was from England....or maybe Wales......or maybe Scotland, and he was kidnapped by the Irish for slavery. He was so desperate to leave Ireland that he started hallucinating and seeing an angel that told him to find a boat and fuck off. Which he did. Then he had a vision of another angel who told him the irish wanted him back. And the fecking eedjit....sorry idiot, went back. Fecking ommadawn! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 I had a few of these visions back in 88 mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 "Oh Timothy (her husband) and I are celebrating our Irish heritage".Was his name Timmy O'Toole ? If so, I might know him. And I blame Guinness for most of this caper in the UK, they seem to promote most of it. Nice way to sell a few hundred thousand pints of the black stuff, to those morons who still think alcohol is fun............groan mash bash bash etc etc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 As far as I know, he was from England....or maybe Wales......or maybe Scotland, and he was kidnapped by the Irish for slavery. He was so desperate to leave Ireland that he started hallucinating and seeing an angel that told him to find a boat and fuck off. Which he did. Then he had a vision of another angel who told him the irish wanted him back. And the fecking eedjit....sorry idiot, went back. Fecking ommadawn!In that case we, his English relations, should sue the fuck out of the Irish for Ancestral PTSD.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 I was in Dublin a few years back and met an American in one of the less salubrious bars in town. Fully bedecked in Green, with the habit of saying "Oirland" in a faux Mick accent. He seemed oblivious to the daggers being shot his way by the local clientele who wanted to bludgeon his plastic paddy arse to death. As he got progressively more pissed he started ranting that I didn't belong in Ireland, let alone the pub because I was a murdering English bastard and he took offence to my presence. He decided to gauge the opinion of his fellow Irish "brothers" in the bar to see if they agreed. Turns out they didn't, what with the owner being my uncle and the locals various cousins. Before he was beaten unconscious he revealed his tenuous links to the old country. Apparently his great great great grandfather was a Connaught boy, upto the age of three until he moved to America and this was enough for him to consider himself as good as a native. Silly cunt. Plastic Paddy Yanks deserve their own separate nom. I'd do it but I'm a feckless Irish drunkard who's just OD'd on a bag of Maris Pipers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 I was in Dublin a few years back and met an American in one of the less salubrious bars in town. Fully bedecked in Green, with the habit of saying "Oirland" in a faux Mick accent. He seemed oblivious to the daggers being shot his way by the local clientele who wanted to bludgeon his plastic paddy arse to death. As he got progressively more pissed he started ranting that I didn't belong in Ireland, let alone the pub because I was a murdering English bastard and he took offence to my presence. He decided to gauge the opinion of his fellow Irish "brothers" in the bar to see if they agreed. Turns out they didn't, what with the owner being my uncle and the locals various cousins. Before he was beaten unconscious he revealed his tenuous links to the old country. Apparently his great great great grandfather was a Connaught boy, upto the age of three until he moved to America and this was enough for him to consider himself as good as a native. Silly cunt. Plastic Paddy Yanks deserve their own separate nom. I'd do it but I'm a feckless Irish drunkard who's just OD'd on a bag of Maris Pipers.Maris Pipers?? Posh cunt! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 Maris Pipers?? Posh cunt!OK i lied, they were McCain micro chips, helped down with a Rib rustler burger and a six pack of scrumpy. I got the recipe off of Punkape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) The Irish?I fucking love 'em as a rule. Fearsome punters, friendly as fuck and genuine a laugh a minute.But this arsing on about 'The Craic' has got to stop RIGHT NOW! Anyone else calls it 'getting pissed, talking too much too loud and generally making a tit of yourself' Nothing wrong with that but don't raise it to the status of some mythical Gaelic heightened state of being, achievable only by those who've kissed the blarney stone and sucked Brian Boru's cock.Oh - and Bono too....and that Barry McGuigan-lookalike cunt that says 'feck' on TV, dressed as a woman......and Barry McGuigan....and those cunts capering like a tit around Cheltenham last week, with a fucking great big Guinness hat on.Phil Lynott only buys you so much good karma - so watch it. Edited March 17, 2015 by Jiggerycock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 Fuck him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 Don't forget "ceilidh"..IT'S A FUCKING BARN DANCE YOU CUNTS!!!!! OK i lied, they were McCain micro chips, helped down with a Rib rustler burger and a six pack of scrumpy. I got the recipe off of Punkape.Phew! You had me worried there for a minute.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) I love Ireland, and the Irish. Me mam was proper Irish and I'm delighted to have it flowing in my blood, however, this whole St Patricks Day has become a bit of a day for wankers mostly and pubs to lure you in with their dodgy special offers. I'm celebrating tonight with Aldi's finest Taurus cider. My star sign as well. Fuck off. Edited March 17, 2015 by mylittlepoohknee 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvnICfqeuJA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 I have to go to Ennis in Ireland for the odd wedding or funeral. It's there, get it out of the fucking way, back to the airport at brake neck speed and out of there. I fucking hate the place with an unadulterated vengeance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 Too right , in my local pub at the moment opposite st barts hospitalJizzers,I'd delete that if I were you. If a fat cunt dressed as some Japanese poof comes in asking to you to suck his cock,you know Broney has read your post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted March 17, 2015 Report Share Posted March 17, 2015 My brother in law lives in Ireland. He's Welsh and a piss artist. He fits right in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 Artists don't pay tax in Ireland... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) I had arranged to meet a mate last night for a pint, but we both decided to fuck it off until tonight to avoid the clusterfuck of absolute cunt burps, stumbling around pissed as a fart after two pints of Guinness, going on about how their great great great grandfather was half Irish or some bullshit. Fuck off you cancerous pricks and get ran the fuck over. Edited March 18, 2015 by nocti shit fucking spelling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 Worse than a vegetarian lesbian on Steak And A Blowjob day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 I was in Dublin a few years back and met an American in one of the less salubrious bars in town. Fully bedecked in Green, with the habit of saying "Oirland" in a faux Mick accent. He seemed oblivious to the daggers being shot his way by the local clientele who wanted to bludgeon his plastic paddy arse to death...Do you remember the scene from Trainspotting where the Yank wanders into a Leith pub and asks to use the toilet?Makes you proud to be Scottish! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted March 17, 2016 Report Share Posted March 17, 2016 Oh fuck. It's here again. Saturday is my birthday but the special needs leprechauns will be out in force so fucked if I am going out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted March 17, 2016 Report Share Posted March 17, 2016 I'm out tonight, Manky, I'll be sure to raise a glass in your honour with respect to your philo-Hibernianism. God save Ireland. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 17, 2016 Report Share Posted March 17, 2016 6 minutes ago, Decimus said: I'm out tonight, Manky, I'll be sure to raise a glass in your honour with respect to your philo-Hibernianism. God save Ireland. When you've raised it, smash it and shove it up your arse craic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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